Fifa Puns
1. I heard FIFA is releasing a perfume called Eau de Corruption.
2. What do you call a FIFA executive who actually cares about football? A ref-eree.
3. Why doesn’t FIFA have a department of transparency? They can’t see through anything!
4. How does FIFA change a lightbulb? They don’t, they just keep buying new ones until the room is lit.
5. Why did the football cross the road? To get away from FIFA!
6. What do you call an honest person at FIFA headquarters? A tourist.
7. Why doesn’t FIFA have a website? They can’t string three W’s together.
8. How do you know when FIFA is lying? Their lips are moving.
9. What’s the difference between FIFA and a cartel? FIFA has better marketing.
10. Why did FIFA cross the road? To get to the other bribe.
11. I asked FIFA to organize a Hide and Seek tournament, but they said it’s not in their budget.
12. How do you bankrupt FIFA? Host a World Cup and don’t invite them.
Fifa One-liners
13. FIFA’s accountants stopped laughing when they realized it wasn’t a joke.
14. FIFA: For the Game. For the World… Cup bonuses.
15. FIFA: If you ain’t cheating, you ain’t trying.
16. FIFA: We put the con in Confederation.
17. Qatar 2022: The World Cup money can buy.
18. FIFA: Three letters that spell corruption.
19. FIFA: We make the rules up as we go along.
20. FIFA: We aim for transparency. And always miss.
21. FIFA: Above fair play. Below fair pay.
22. FIFA: Dodgy deals done dirt cheap.
23. FIFA: Sepp Blatter’s piggy bank.
Best Fifa Jokes
24. What do you call a basement full of FIFA executives? A whine cellar.
25. Why did FIFA hire Joseph Blatter as president? Because his name is an anagram of “Fifa Jal Bribes”.
26. How do you say bribery in Swiss-German? Füütbol.
27. What’s the difference between FIFA and WWE? One is entertainment wrestling, and the other pretends to be sport.
28. A FIFA executive walks into a bank and asks for a $10,000 loan. The bank officer requests collateral. The FIFA executive hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked outside. Amazed at the car, the officer okays the loan. The FIFA guy goes out, collects his car and drives away. The next day, the FIFA guy returns, pays back the $10,000 and interest of $100. The bank officer asks how he managed to repay the loan so quickly. “Well, you see, I’m a FIFA executive,” he replies. The bank officer immediately closes out the loan and gives the FIFA executive $1,000,000 without requesting collateral. “Sir, I don’t understand. You just walked in yesterday to take a small loan, how come I’m giving you so much money now?” asks the puzzled officer. “Well, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from my time at FIFA, it’s this – if you’ve got a Ferrari, you can get a million dollars without any hassle.”
29. What does FIFA stand for? Fédération Internationale de Football Association. What does it really stand for? Federation for the International Fraudulent Acquisition of Money.
30. A FIFA executive, a UEFA president and a football club owner are captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, “I will let you choose how you die. You can either die by being boiled in water, roasted on fire, or die by FIFA.” The FIFA executive says “I want to die by FIFA.” So the cannibals lock him in a room with nothing but a football. The UEFA president also chooses to die by FIFA. The cannibals lock him in the room with the football. Finally, it’s the football club owner’s turn. Not wanting to suffer, he chooses boiling water. The cannibals boil up a huge pot of water and he jumps in and dies quickly. Up in heaven, the club owner meets the FIFA exec and UEFA president. Shocked, he asks “You guys chose FIFA? How are you here?” The other two reply “Oh, we meant FIFA the game, not the organization!”
31. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from Sepp Blatter. Why did Sepp Blatter cross the road? To get to the other bribe.
32. What’s the difference between FIFA and the mafia? The mafia knows it’s a crime syndicate.
33. How many FIFA officials does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just promise change but do nothing.
34. Why did Joseph Blatter fall off the swing? Because he had no FIFA integrity.
35. What’s the difference between Pinocchio and Sepp Blatter? Their noses. Pinocchio wanted to be a real boy. Blatter wants to be a real crook.
36. Why are FIFA executives never short of money? Because they always take their cut.
37. Teacher: Johnny, what are the 3 Rs? Johnny: Referees, red cards and FIFA!
38. Why does FIFA like the middle east so much? Oil and bribes.
39. What’s FIFA’s favorite musical instrument? Lute. As in loot and plunder.
40. Why did Joseph Blatter spray paint his car? He wanted a new coat.
41. A FIFA executive is giving a speech. “Ladies and gentlemen..” The crowd laughs. The FIFA exec stops, confused, and continues “I would like to state categorically..” The crowd laughs even louder. “Why do you keep laughing?” The FIFA exec asks in frustration. A voice from the crowd replies “Sorry sir, we usually don’t hear those words from you guys!”
42. Why did Joseph Blatter get glasses? So he could read the bribe amounts better.
43. Where do FIFA executives get together for drinks? The Bribe Bar.
44. Why do FIFA executives make bad school bus drivers? They keep trying to take the kids to Make-Out Point.
45. How do you stop a charging FIFA official? Take away their credit card.
46. What do you call an honest, transparent and fair FIFA? An imaginary organization.
47. Why did Joseph Blatter lose his job as the president of FIFA? He didn’t understand the concept of a red card.
48. Why don’t ants get into FIFA picnics? They can’t stand all the graft.
49. Why did Joseph Blatter rub salad cream on his jacket? He wanted a greasy zipper.
50. How do FIFA officials change a lightbulb? Change? What change?
51. Teacher: Who can tell me a soccer organization that is corrupt? Little Timmy: Ooh I know, I know – it’s on the tip of my tongue!
52. Why does FIFA like watching sports in the Middle East? Because of all the sheiks!
53. Why did Joseph Blatter smear vaseline over his balcony? He didn’t want his handlers to run rings around him.
54. What’s the difference between FIFA and a prisoner? A prisoner spends most of their time behind bars.
55. Why doesn’t FIFA allow gambling? All bets are off when they’re involved.