Father’s Day Puns
1. I bought my dad a fridge for Father’s Day. I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
2. What did one tie say to the other tie on Father’s Day? Thanks for being such a great dad!
3. Why do fathers love telling dad jokes? Because they’re the pop of comedy!
4. I wanted to get my dad something practical for Father’s Day, so I got him a calendar. He can definitely use the dates!
5. For Father’s Day, I got my dad a book called ‘Dad Jokes’. He hasn’t put it down since he started reading it!
6. Why did the son buy his father a pair of glasses for Father’s Day? He wanted his dad to have a new perspective!
7. I was going to buy my dad a belt for Father’s Day, but I didn’t want to waist his time.
8. How does Moses make tea? He brews.
9. What did the daddy buffalo say to his son as he left for work? Bison!
10. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!
11. I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.
12. Did you hear the one about the wandering nun who got hit by lightning? She was a Roman Catholic.
Father’s Day One-Liners
13. I wasn’t originally planning on getting my dad anything for Father’s Day, but I suppose I otter.
14. For Father’s Day, I got my dad a pair of white gloves. He’s always wanted to be a hand model.
15. I got my dad a karaoke machine for Father’s Day so he can have a sing song while he works in the garage.
16. This Father’s Day, I’m getting my dad a book on anger management. He has some rage issues while trying to build IKEA furniture.
17. I decided to get my dad a Superman costume for Father’s Day, because he’s been a super dad.
18. For Father’s Day I got my dad a yoga DVD and mat. He needs to learn how to chill out.
19. I got my dad a pair of running shoes for Father’s Day so he can exercise instead of nagging us all the time.
20. This year for Father’s Day, I got my dad a golf club. Fore-tunately, he loves golfing.
21. My dad loves oatmeal, so for Father’s Day, I got him one of those instant oatmeal packets. It was just so he knows I oat him a gift.
22. I decided to get my dad a book of sudoku puzzles for Father’s Day to help stimulate his mind.
Best Father’s Day Jokes
23. Last year on Father’s Day, I gave my dad an elephant. He said “Thank you.” This year on Father’s Day I got him a submarine. He said “Thank you son, but why are you giving me all of these large, expensive gifts?” I said “Because dad, just call me the Elephant in the room.”
24. On Father’s Day, a son gave his dad a tie and said “I got this tie just for you, Dad!” The dad replied “Are you kidding me? I’m feeling tied down already by all these responsibilities, and now you want me to feel even more restricted? All I want is to hang loose and relax! Please take this tie back!”
25. A son decides to buy his father a parrot for Father’s Day. That morning, the son brings the parrot cage into the living room and tells his dad “Happy Father’s Day, Dad! I got you this parrot; I think you two will get along great!” The parrot looks at the dad and squawks “Awk, new boss! Awk, new boss!” The dad sighs and says “Great, just what I needed – another boss.”
26. On Father’s Day, a wife decides to prepare her husband’s favorite pancake breakfast and bring it to him in bed. When she enters the bedroom, she sees him fast asleep with their son. She kisses them both on the cheek and says “Wake up, boys! Time for a yummy pancake breakfast in bed!” The dad opens his eyes slowly, smiles at his wife and says “Waking us up early and forcing food on us? You’d make a terrible father!”
27. A teenage boy wanted to do something really special for his dad’s birthday. So he went to a tattoo parlor and got the words “World’s Greatest Dad” tattooed on his chest. When he showed his dad, expecting him to be touched, his dad just shook his head and said “Did they not have any proofreading at that tattoo parlor?”
28. On Father’s Day morning, a woman shook her husband awake excitedly. “Honey, wake up! I made you a special Father’s Day breakfast in bed!” The husband groggily opened one eye and said “No thanks, I’m stuffed. Frankly, your cooking always gives me terrible gas anyway.” Rolling her eyes, the wife grabbed the breakfast tray and dumped the contents on her husband’s face. “Happy Father’s Day to you too!” she growled as she stomped out.
29. A dad was opening his Father’s Day presents from his young son. He unwrapped a handmade clay statue with lumpy limbs and misshapen features. Beaming proudly, his son said “I made this sculpture of you all by myself, Dad!” Not wanting to hurt his feelings, the dad forced a smile and said “Wow, thank you so much! I really see the resemblance.” His son frowned and said “What do you mean, Dad? That’s supposed to be me!”
30. On Father’s Day, a dad of three grown daughters came downstairs to find his living room overflowing with gift bags. Amazed, he asked his daughters “What is all this?” One daughter said “Well, we each got you four gifts and weren’t sure which you’d like best.” Suddenly, the doorbell rang and the mailman came in with 12 more parcels! The dad collapsed onto the sofa and yelled “That’s it! No more Father’s Days!”
31. A father was cleaning out his closet on Father’s Day and found many unopened gifts and cards from past years. His young daughter asked “How come you never opened all these nice gifts and cards people gave you?” The dad explained “Well, as a father, the best gift is to see the smiling faces of my loved ones. I don’t need anything else.” His daughter frowned and said “I think you should open these dad, because some of them are probably checks!”
32. On Father’s Day, a dad was woken up by the smell of smoke coming from the kitchen. He went downstairs to find his kids baking, with flour all over the floor and egg shells on the counter. His daughter said “Happy Father’s Day! We tried to make you breakfast!” The dad looked around at the mess and said jokingly “Well, if I ever wanted this kitchen redecorated, you definitely nailed it!”
