Donkey Puns (10)
1. I wanted to make a joke about donkeys, but I realized it would just be an ass-umption.
2. What do you call a donkey that eats too fast? A goblin’ ass.
3. Why don’t donkeys eat dessert? They prefer the main ass course.
4. I tried to teach my donkey to play chess but he kept eating the pieces. I guess he preferred checkers instead.
5. What do you call a happy donkey? A jolly ass.
6. What do you call a donkey who loves music? Beyon-ass.
7. Why are donkeys so good at video games? They have great ass-eye coordination.
8. Why did the donkey cross the road? To get to the other ass-phalt.
9. What do you call a donkey who works out a lot? A gym ass.
10. Why do donkeys make bad bankers? They’re always broke ass.
Donkey One-Liners (11)
11. I wanted to make a joke about donkeys, but it would just come out half-assed.
12. What do you call a donkey with three legs? A wonky donkey.
13. Why are donkeys so stubborn? They’re just being ass-inine.
14. What’s the difference between a smart donkey and a dumb donkey? One is a wise-ass and the other is a dumb-ass.
15. How does a donkey stop a bully? By kicking their ass.
16. Why do donkeys hate rainstorms? It makes their ass wet.
17. How do donkeys stay connected? Through their ass-to-ass network.
18. Why did the donkey wear a mask? To hide his jack-ass face.
19. What’s a donkey’s favorite drink? Ginger ass.
20. How does a donkey spy on someone? By hiding his ass.
21. Why are donkeys so helpful? They always lend a hoof.
Best Donkey Jokes (22)
22. A farmer was struggling to get his donkey to move on a hot summer day. He pulled, pushed and yelled at the donkey, but it refused to budge. Finally, he whispered something in the donkey’s ear and it started walking immediately. The farmer’s neighbor asked what he said to make the donkey move. The farmer replied, “I told him that if he didn’t move, I’d sit my ass on him too!”
23. A man was driving down a country road when he spotted a donkey in a field. He stopped his car and walked over to take a closer look. As he leaned on the fence, the donkey walked over and kicked him square in the face. The man fell to the ground, stunned. After a few minutes, he stood up and limped back to his car. Another man driving by saw it happen and pulled over to help. “That donkey has a bad reputation around here,” he said. “He kicks everyone who gets near him.” The first man shook his head and replied, “I don’t know what the ass’s problem is!”
24. A policeman was patrolling late one night when he came across a donkey that appeared lost. He approached the donkey and said “Can I help you find your owner?” The donkey looked at him and said “I’m not lost officer, I’m the designated driver.” The officer was shocked that the donkey could talk. The donkey continued “I saw my owner at the bar having too many drinks so I offered to drive him home.” The officer laughed and said “Well I’ll be darned, a talking donkey!” The donkey replied “I’m not just a regular donkey, officer. I’m a smart ass.”
25. A farmer was puzzled when his donkey suddenly started growing longer ears. After a few weeks, the ears had grown several feet long. He called the vet to come take a look. The vet examined the donkey and said “Well, this is a very rare condition that causes the ears to never stop growing. But the good news is, your donkey is still listening to you.”
26. A family inherited a donkey from their grandfather. Not knowing much about farm animals, they weren’t sure what to feed it. They tried giving it dog food, but the donkey just turned his nose up. Next they tried cat food, but again the donkey refused. Finally, they went to the feed store for advice. “Try some chicken feed, donkeys love that,” said the clerk. To their delight, the donkey gobbled up the chicken feed. The family was thrilled that they had pleased their new pet. It just goes to show, you can lead a donkey to cat food but you can’t make him eat it until you offer him chicken feed.
27. A farmer was selling his donkey at a livestock auction. As the bidding got underway, two men became locked in a fierce war of ever-higher offers. Finally one man shouted out “One thousand dollars!” Thinking he had won the bid, he was surprised when the other man offered “One thousand fifty!” “One thousand one hundred!” he shot back. This went on for several more rounds until the first man gave up. Afterward, a friend asked “Why did you keep bidding that donkey up when you didn’t even want it?” The man replied “I just couldn’t stand the thought of that jackass going for less than a thousand.”
28. A family’s donkey ran away, so they put an ad in the local paper to try and find him. A few days later, a farmer called and said he had found their donkey. When they went to pick him up, the father was shocked to find that the donkey was now completely white instead of its original gray color. He asked the farmer, “How did our donkey turn completely white?” The farmer replied, “Well, when I first saw him, he was too dirty so I gave him a bath. After that, I noticed his teeth were yellow and decaying, so I got him a teeth whitening treatment. Once his teeth were white again, I realized his eyes looked dull in comparison, so I got him some eye brightening drops.” The father shook his head in disbelief and said, “Oh my word, you sure went the extra mile for our ass!”
29. A donkey fell into a deep abandoned well. For hours he cried loudly as he struggled to get out, but with no success. Eventually a farmer walking by heard his cries and looked down into the well. The donkey pleaded for help. Using rope, the farmer quickly rigged up a pulley system and hauled the donkey up to safety. The donkey thanked the farmer profusely. A few days later, while walking his dog, the farmer heard cries coming from the well again. He peered down and saw the donkey had fallen in once more. With an annoyed grunt he muttered, “What kind of ass falls into the same well twice?”
30. The world’s greatest magician was performing one night. He announced “For this trick, I’m going to make a donkey disappear.” A donkey was brought onto the stage and the magician waved his wand, shouted some magic words, and poof! The donkey vanished! The crowd gasped and burst into loud applause. For his next trick, the magician announced “Now I’ll make the donkey reappear.” He waved his wand again and shouted his magic words, but nothing happened; the donkey didn’t reappear. He tried again but still no donkey. For his final attempt, he frantically rattled off every magic spell he could think of, but the donkey was nowhere to be seen. Admitting defeat, the magician awkwardly muttered “Well folks, I guess that ass is gone for good.”
Donkey Jokes Continued (12)
31. How do you make a donkey laugh on Monday? Tell him a joke on Friday.
32. What’s the difference between a wise old donkey and a wise old man? The donkey knows he’s an ass.
33. Why do donkeys make horrible stitches? They always knot well.
34. Where do donkeys go to think deeply about life? To their ponderosa.
35. How can you tell when a donkey is getting angry? Their ears tilt back and their nostrils flare. Or as they say, their ass flares up.
36. What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion? A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.
37. Did you hear about the donkey who got arrested? He was charged with ass-ault.
38. Why does no one let donkeys swim at their pool parties? They always leave ass prints on the bottom.
39. How do donkeys stay so humble despite being amazing animals? They never toot their own ass.
40. What time of year brings donkeys the most joy? Ass-kicking season.
41. Which biblical figure is the donkey’s favorite? Ass-aiah.
42. Why are donkeys the best helpers on the farm? Because they ass-ist.
43. How does a donkey cook his hot dogs? On the ass-teor.