Dictionary Puns
1. I tried to look up the word “gullible” in the dictionary, but I couldn’t find it. I guess it’s not a real word after all!
2. I was reading the dictionary when I fell asleep and had a nightmare about consonants chasing me. When I woke up I was so relieved that it was just a bad dream.
3. Did you hear about the angry dictionary? It had a lot of cross words!
4. My friend got mad at me for stealing his dictionary. How could I take his words?
5. I entered 10 puns into a contest to see which would win. No pun in ten did.
6. Did you hear about the dictionary thief? They took the words right out of my mouth!
7. Never trust atoms—they make up everything.
8. Stealing from the dictionary is plagiarism.
9. I tried to organize a hide and seek competition, but good players are hard to find.
10. Two fonts, Arial and Times New Roman, walked into a bar. The bartender said “Sorry, we don’t serve your type here.”
11. Did you hear about the auto body shop that just opened? It comes highly wreck-a-mended.
12. Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
Dictionary One-Liners
13. I’m reading a great book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
14. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
15. I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
16. Parallel lines have so much in common…it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
17. What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese!
18. A sandwich walks into a bar, and the bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
19. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says “Ok, I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything!”
20. Two fish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says “how do you drive this thing?”
21. Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
22. Why are mountains always so funny? Because they are hill areas!
Best Dictionary Jokes
23. My friend got really mad at me when he caught me stealing his dictionary. How could I take his words? I told him to imagine how I felt when he stole my thesaurus last week. After all, when you steal a man’s thesaurus, you steal his words!
24. I was feeling a bit down, so I looked up the word “happy” in the dictionary. Turns out it’s all just a bunch of mumbo jumbo.
25. I entered my pet parrot in a word pronunciation contest at the library. Sadly, he was disqualified for using fowl language.
26. Did you hear about the angry pasta dish? It really lost its temper when someone kept asking it silly questions. It was completely fusilli!
27. My dictionary is terrible. It’s missing a lot of pages and half the words don’t make any sense. I have no words for how bad it is.
28. I was looking up words in the dictionary when the pages started to tear. I shed a tear for the words that were lost that day.
29. I told my friend I was making a radio out of a dictionary. He said, “This sounds interesting!”
30. Did you hear about the guy who stole a dictionary? He made a clean getaway without leaving a synonym behind.
31. Why did the dictionary eat enough food for ten people? It was a very large volume.
32. Did you hear about the guy who read through the entire dictionary? By the end, he was at a complete loss for words.
33. I tried to look up procrastination in my dictionary, but I never got around to it.
34. I was reading a book about gravity when I found I just couldn’t put it down.
35. Working in the dictionary factory is so monotonous. Day in day out, it’s the same old words.
36. Did you hear about the award they’re giving out to words? It’s a diction trophy!
37. Why did the dictionary get pulled over? It had too many definitions!
38. I tried to look up the history of the shovel in the dictionary. There was nothing under that entry, so I assume it must have a pretty clean past.
39. I used to have a fear of oversized books, but I got over it. Now I’m slowly getting through the dictionary.
40. Did you hear about the eccentric dictator who wrote his own thesaurus? There were a lot of dictator synonyms!
41. I tried to look up antidisestablishmentarianism in the dictionary, but I got exhausted halfway through.
42. Why was the little letter h shivering and shaking? It was cold without a dictionary coat!
43. Why did the dictionary win the race? It was always ahead of the words!
44. My friend accused me of stealing his dictionary. I rebutted, “I’m not gonna take those words lying down!”
45. Why did the dictionary have commitment issues? It just couldn’t find the right words!
46. I was reading the dictionary when I realized I didn’t know any of the words. It was a tome I couldn’t understand.
47. Why do dictionaries make terrible parents? Because they’re far too controlling with their definitions of words!
48. Why did the dictionary get in trouble at work? It kept misdefining words!
49. I tried to sell my old dictionary on eBay, but I couldn’t get any bids. I guess there just wasn’t a market for words.
50. Did you hear about the dictionary that could rap? It had some sick vocabulary.
51. I couldn’t find the word “oracle” in the dictionary. Turns out it doesn’t have any definitions about the future.
52. Why was the English dictionary feeling depressed? It had lost its meaning.
53. I asked the librarian where to find the dictionary, and she said, “It’s in the reference section.” I said, “Well, I don’t know what it looks like. Can you give me a definition?”
