Diarrhea Puns
1. I was going to tell a joke about diarrhea, but it just ran right through me.
2. My friend said she was suffering from diarrhea, I told her to stay strong we’re here for you!
3. I entered a farting contest last week but sadly I only came in third. The two guys in front of me were on a whole other level.
4. I ate some expired vegetables last night, let’s just say it went right through me. Talk about an organic cleanse!
5. I was watching a cooking show yesterday and the chef kept going on about reducing sauces. Personally I prefer to reduce solids.
6. My stomach has been quite unsettled today. I should have known better than to eat spicy food from that shady street vendor.
7. After eating that questionable takeout food, my digestive system has been working in overdrive. It’s like a non-stop express lane in there.
8. I’ve been frequenting the bathroom so often today, I’m thinking of setting up a desk in there to get some work done.
9. My stomach is churning like clothes in a washing machine after that all-you-can-eat burrito special last night. Time to pay the price.
10. This upset stomach has me speed walking to the bathroom every 10 minutes. Gotta love bowel movements…said no one ever.
11. After last night’s food poisoning bout, my toilet and I are now on a first name basis. Just call me John.
12. I must have the fastest colon around. Everything goes straight through me like cars on the autobahn.
Diarrhea One-Liners
13. My diarrhea came on so fast, you’d think I was a politician backpedaling on a campaign promise.
14. I ate something that didn’t agree with me. Now I’m agreeing with everything that seat agrees with me about.
15. This diarrhea is so bad I’m thinking of installing a coffee machine in my bathroom.
16. My stomach is rumbling like a Category 5 hurricane about to make landfall. Hit the deck!
17. This diarrhea has me sprinting to the toilet like Usain Bolt racing for an Olympic gold medal.
18. I swear my stomach sounds like a gurgling drain pipe every time I get diarrhea. Glug glug glug.
19. I’m seriously considering wearing an adult diaper with this nonstop diarrhea. My underwear can’t take much more!
20. With this diarrhea, my butt better start paying rent to that toilet for all the quality time they’re spending together.
21. Why does diarrhea always strike when you’re nowhere near a toilet? Talk about a crappy situation.
22. I need to start keeping wet wipes within arms reach with this recurrent diarrhea. My poor bottom!
Best Diarrhea Jokes
23. Last night my wife made a lovely candlelit dinner, but about an hour later I was struck with horrible diarrhea. I’ve heard of flaming desire before, but this is ridiculous!
24. I was on a promising first date when I was suddenly struck with a violent case of diarrhea. I threw some cash on the table and sprinted to the bathroom. Suffice to say, there was no second date.
25. I was all dressed up for a job interview this morning when disaster struck. Let’s just say I didn’t get the job after leaving an unwelcome surprise in their lobby bathroom.
26. They say laughter is the best medicine, but I’d have to disagree. After eating some questionable takeout last night, what I really needed was some Imodium and a butt donut.
27. I was riding the subway home after work when I felt my stomach start to rumble ominously. As I jumped off just in time at my stop, a woman shrieked behind me “He pooped his pants!” Guess those yoga pants hid nothing.
28. My toddler was being potty trained when she suddenly ran to me, grabbed my leg and squeezed tight. Let’s just say my pants suffered a brownout that day.
29. I brought my girlfriend home to meet my parents for the first time. Right before dinner, I got hit with an epic case of diarrhea and clogged their toilet. Nothing like making a memorable first impression!
30. I was backpacking through Europe when I got traveler’s diarrhea. Let me tell you, desperately searching for a bathroom when you can’t speak the language is no fun at all.
31. I was on a packed 12 hour international flight when the urge to poop hit me hard. With the bathrooms constantly occupied, I had no choice but to painfully hold it in. When we finally landed, I made a mad dash through customs straight for the airport toilet. Sweet, sweet relief!
32. I ate some questionable street food before a long bus ride last summer. An hour into the trip, there was no stopping the explosive diarrhea that soon filled the back of that bus with a noxious odor. I don’t think I’ve ever been so mortified in my life.
33. I was backcountry hiking and got a sudden case of diarrhea. With no bathroom in sight, I had to pop a squat behind a bush. Let’s just say I gained a new appreciation for wet wipes and toilet paper that day.
34. My boss called an urgent 8am Sunday meeting which threw off my morning routine. Come 10am I was keeled over with horrible diarrhea cramps, trying to maintain composure on that video call. I think my camera strategically freezing up saved me that day.
35. I ate some funky leftovers that had been in my work fridge too long. An hour later, my office bathroom looked like a crime scene after I proceeded to violently poop out my insides. My coworkers were not pleased, to put it mildly.
36. I was at the county fair when I felt my stomach start to cramp and gurgle. I desperately scanned the area for any sign of a bathroom. Finding none nearby, I proceeded to have explosive diarrhea in the bushes. At least those fairgoers got a bonus show!
37. During finals week, I was up late studying and stress snacking on everything in sight. I must have had one too many cups of coffee because soon I was running urgently between my desk and bathroom with diarrhea every 10 minutes. Not exactly how I wanted to spend cram night.