Cushion Puns (15)
1. I bought my friend a cushion with a picture of cheese on it. It was a gouda gift.
2. My favorite cushion is the one with a cat face on it. It’s pawsitively purrfect.
3. I was feeling down so I bought myself a cushion that looks like a smiley face. It really lifted my spirits.
4. I have a cushion shaped like a cactus. It’s a real prickly pear.
5. Why did the cushion get arrested? It was charged with battery.
6. Why was the square cushion upset? It felt like it didn’t measure up.
7. Why did the cushion lose the race? It wasn’t fast enough on the upholstery.
8. Why did the cushion go to the doctor? It had back pain.
9. I bought a cushion covered in pictures of bacon. It was the most comforTable choice.
10. I have a cushion that looks like an avocado. It’s really guac-mole!
11. I bought my friend a cushion shaped like a turtle. It was a totally awesome gift.
12. Why was the square cushion jealous of the round cushion? It felt edged out.
13. Why do cushions make good detectives? They’re always cushioning for clues.
14. Why did the cushion cross the road? To get to the other side.
15. What do you call a cushion that tells dad jokes? A com-pun-ion.
Cushion One-Liners (12)
16. I was feeling lonely so I got a cushion shaped like a friend to keep me company.
17. They say you are what you eat, so I got a doughnut cushion to indulge myself.
18. I got a cushion that looks like a pineapple because it seemed appeeling.
19. My cat loves to nap on the cushion that looks like a fish, he thinks it’s the cat’s meow.
20. I have a cushion shaped like an ice cream because it looked sweet.
21. My favorite cushion has a picture of a unicorn on it because unicorns are a-maize-ing.
22. I have a cushion that looks like a big red button because I like to push its buttons.
23. I got a cushion with a picture of popcorn because it looked pop-tastic.
24. I have a cushion shaped like a cloud because it helps me keep my head in the sky.
25. I got a cushion that looks like an alarm clock so I can hit snooze without getting out of bed.
26. My dog loves to chew on the cushion shaped like a bone. It’s his fave bone zone.
27. I have a cushion shaped like a TV remote so I can practice my binge watching skills.
Best Cushion Jokes (24)
28. I was feeling stressed so I got a punching cushion shaped like a smiley face. After a few hits I was smiling too.
29. I spilled coffee on my favorite cushion this morning. It left a big stain which cushions me great distress.
30. I have a phobia of cushions. The therapist says it’s a soft furnishings issue I need to work through.
31. Why don’t sharks like cushion? They prefer harder furnishings.
32. Did you hear about the angry cushion? It had a short fuse and went off on people.
33. Did you hear about the cushion that traveled back in time? It had a soft spot for the middle ages.
34. I entered my cushion in a comedy competition but it didn’t make the finals. The judges said it needed more padding in its act.
35. Did you hear about the cushion that wanted to be a writer? It had a soft cover published but couldn’t get a big book deal.
36. I caught my cushion stealing food from the fridge in the middle of the night. It was a soft offender.
37. Did you hear about the cushion that entered a baking contest? It had a soft spot for cakes but its souffle fell flat.
38. I told my cushion to stop loafing around the house all day. It didn’t have the backbone to get a job.
39. Did you hear about the unemployed cushion? It was down on its luck but eventually landed on its feet in sales.
40. I wanted to take my cushion on vacation but it couldn’t fit in the overhead compartment on the plane. It had too much fluff.
41. Did you hear about the cushion that wanted to be a singer? It had a soft voice but couldn’t hold a tune.
42. I caught my cushion cheating at board games. I always suspected it wasn’t playing fair and square.
43. Did you hear about the hungry cushion? It had a soft spot for doughnuts but couldn’t fit through the door at Krispy Kreme.
44. I yelled at my cushion for tracking dirt inside after going outside. It didn’t have a leg to stand on.
45. Did you hear about the cushion that entered a limbo contest? It made it under the bar but got disqualified for having poor posture.
46. I wanted to take my cushion on a road trip but it couldn’t fit in the car with all our luggage. It took up too much room.
47. Did you hear about the scared cushion? It jumped at every noise because it was easily starTled.
48. I caught my cushion digging holes in the backyard. When I asked why, it said it had always dreamed of working in excavation.
49. Did you hear about the romantic cushion? It had a big crush on the pillow but was too shy to ask it out on a date.
50. I yelled at my cushion for leaving crumbs all over the counter after making a sandwich. It just shrugged and didn’t seem to care.
51. Did you hear about the cushion that wanted to be an astronaut? It applied to NASA but didn’t have the right stuffing.
