Comb Puns
1. I accidentally dropped my comb behind the dresser. I guess you could say I’m in a hairy situation!
2. My comb is missing half its teeth. It just went through a pretty rough brush with life.
3. What do you call a comb that likes telling jokes? A punny brush!
4. I was going to tell a joke about combs, but you’ve probably heard it before. It would just be re-brushing old material.
5. Did you hear about the angry comb? It was ready to pick a fight and bristle with rage!
6. I brought my broken comb to the magic show to see if the magician could fix it. But he just pulled out a brand new one. I guess it was sleight of hair.
7. Why don’t combs ever lose things? They always keep things in fine tooth order.
8. Did you know that if you play a comb correctly, it makes beautiful music? I guess you could say it hits all the right teeth.
9. I was going to make a joke about an electric comb, but I didn’t want to shock anyone.
10. What do you call a nervous comb? skittish!
11. Why don’t combs tell secrets? They don’t want to spread anything around.
12. My comb likes to sing 80s music. You should hear it brush through a power ballad!
13. I asked my comb if it wanted to hear a joke about paper, but it said no—it tearable jokes.
14. What happened to the comb that loved crunching numbers? It became an accountant!
Comb One-Liners
15. I was going to brush my hair this morning, but my comb was being too bristly.
16. My comb is useless without me—it just doesn’t have the teeth for the job.
17. This comb is useless, it keeps avoiding the tough tangles!
18. Make sure you don’t drop that comb, we don’t want it bristling with anger!
19. I asked my comb if it was okay, and it told me it was fine…tooth!
20. Be careful with that comb, we don’t want anyone getting bristly about the bristles!
21. My comb just can’t handle criticism—it takes everything personally to the teeth.
22. This comb is quite full of itself—always going on about how it’s the finest around!
23. I can’t find my comb anywhere—I think it might be going through a crisis about losing its teeth!
24. This comb is useless, it can’t even part hair properly without getting tangled!
25. My pocket comb broke, but I’m not too worried—it’ll brush it off!
26. I asked my comb how it styles hair so well, and it told me it just wings it!
27. Be nice to your comb—treat it with kid gloves so it doesn’t lose its bristles over every little thing!
28. I can’t take my comb anywhere, it’s always nitpicking at everything!
29. My comb likes to gossip; it just can’t keep things from bristling through the bristles.
30. This comb is so old, it keeps complaining about being long in the tooth!
Best Comb Jokes
31. My comb is super paranoid about losing its teeth. The other day, I asked if I could borrow a quarter, and it was like, “What, you need money to go buy a new comb?”
32. I caught my comb using my toothbrush this morning. It said it was just trying to brush up on proper dental hygiene.
33. My comb likes to sing while I use it. The only problem is, it keeps changing the lyrics so they’re about bristles and teeth. And it is NOT a good singer. But I don’t have the heart to shut it up when it’s having so much fun. So I just stand there cringing while it warbles through “Brush Me Tender” and “Comb on Eileen.”
34. My comb and I got into a big fight last night when I tried to use hair gel. It said I was trying to come between it and my hair. But hey, I forgave it. What can I say, we just gel well together.
35. So my comb has this huge crush on a toothbrush. It’s always trying to get closer, asking me to store it right next to the toothbrush in the medicine cabinet. And telling me not to buy any more toothbrushes because it wants this one all to itself. But the toothbrush barely even knows my comb is alive. It’s kind of sad to watch, but what am I supposed to do, try to make the toothbrush go out with my comb?!
36. I dropped my comb down an air vent by accident the other day. It was freaking out, worried it would get all bent out of shape. I tried to put its teeth at ease, but when I couldn’t reach it, the comb completely lost it. It started shrieking at the top of its lungs, “My bristles are going to get ruined! I’ll never be able to style hair again!” I finally had to call the fire department to get it out of there. Cost me $300 but at least it shut my comb up.
37. My comb likes to give me fashion advice while I get ready in the morning. It alternates between bragging, “Those pants look great with ME in your hair!” and criticizing, “Ugh, not that shirt again, it clashes with MY beautiful bristles!” I wonder if telling it to keep its opinions to itself would just brush it the wrong way.
38. So I came home today to find my comb trying out all my makeup. Lipstick smeared over its teeth, blush brushed all over its bristles. Eyeliner drawn zig-zagged across its handle as “decoration.” It looked completely ridiculous. When I asked what the heck it was doing, it told me it needed to look nice for its big hot date tonight! With my toothbrush, of all things! I’d tell it good luck with that, except there’s no way I’m introducing those two. My toothbrush does NOT need that kind of crazy in its life!
39. Well, my last regular comb just couldn’t handle all my thick hair anymore, so I got a wide-tooth comb to help manage this mane. Big mistake! It is the biggest know-it-all, bragging non-stop about its “fancy French teeth” and how it’s the only comb qualified to brush a important hair like mine. Meanwhile it refuses to actually brush any hair at all! Every time I try, it’s all “owww, don’t pull so hard!” and “be gentle with my extra-wide teeth!” Ugh, I miss my old comb, even if it did yank knots sometimes.
40. Lately my comb has been leaving passive aggressive notes for me around the house. “Someone forgot to condition today. Hope the weather’s okay for dried-out, damaged hair!” Or “Just leaving this note as a reminder about that snarl on the back of your head you keep ignoring. I know you hate being nagged but SOMEONE has to tell you!” I left it a firmly-worded note this morning telling it if it doesn’t stop trying to manage my hair over my shoulder, we are going to have words!
41. My comb fancies itself an artist and keeps “decorating” all my notebooks and stuff with little doodles. Which would be cute, I guess, except its only artistic subject is – you guessed it – combs! Just endless rows of cartoon combs in all different sizes and colors, with big toothy smiles and stick figure arms and legs. At least no one can accuse it of not loving its work?? But the other day I opened my agenda for a meeting and found it had covered the whole week’s schedule in rainbow comb drawings. Very professional there, comb.
42. I was going through airport security the other day when I realized I’d left my comb in my carry-on bag. As soon as I put my bag on the conveyor belt, I heard it yell “No wait, there’s been a mistake! I am NOT a dangerous object!” Next thing I knew there was chaos by the X-ray machine as my comb tried to make a break for it rather than go through screening. Barking things like “Get your grubby hands off me! Do these bristles look metallic to you?? I know my teeth rights!” I had airport security comb-ing the area for almost an hour before they finally found it cowering under a snack kiosk, bristles all askew. We both got stern lectures about comb safety – plus I think my comb is now banned from flying!
43. Today my comb just up and decided it’s actually a fork! It keeps trying to eat my cereal and getting mad when I take the bowl away. “Stop discriminating against alternative utensils!” it shrieked at me through a mouthful of Cheerios. Then when I tried to brush my hair with it, it glared and said “Uh I don’t think so, I’m a FORK now, I don’t do hair!” Like, first of all, you’re made of plastic with a line of teeth down your…face?? Just because you’re having an identity crisis does NOT make you a fork! Ugh, I miss when it was just a semi-normal comb with relatively reasonable aspirations of…combing hair. I should really take it to a therapist but I have no idea how to even find a comb therapist or how I would transport it there! This whole ordeal is making me lose my mind right along with it.
44. Okay, things with my comb have officially gone too far. It’s started dating my toothbrush (I KNEW I shouldn’t have left them alone together!) and together they are making my life miserable with their cutesy couple behavior. Singing annoying comb-themed duets together in the shower while I’m trying to get ready for work. Letting toothpaste and hair gel “accidentally” splatter all over my mirror while they giggling and run off holding bristles. But the last straw was waking up this morning literally TIED TO MY OWN BED by a bunch of hair elastics while they took turns tickling my face with their bristles. All so I’d be trapped there to witness their dumb fake proposal, where my toothbrush asked “Will you brush my teeth forever?” UGHHH. Tomorrow they both go in a box on the curb. I don’t care if I have to use my fingers for hair AND dental hygiene!!
45. That’s it, enough is enough! My comb has been leaving me “gifts” everywhere – like hairballs and empty shampoo bottles in my shoes, matted hair bunnies on my pillow, even a “portrait” it woven out of my own shed strands! Then I found my bathtub filled with gel and hairspray globs molded into little figures of…you guessed it…combs! The last straw though? Waking up to find it had chopped off chunks of my hair while I slept to make ME “a special human wig” out of my own lopped off locks! This thing is going off the rails obsessed with hair. Forget comb therapy, I’m changing all the locks and getting a restraining order!! It can go be some other fool’s nightmare comb.
