Cold Puns (20)
- I was going to tell a joke about being cold, but I decided to just let it go.
- Did you hear about the penguin who brought a jacket to the North Pole? He didn’t want to get polar fleece.
- My friend got sick after playing in the snow without gloves. I told him he should’ve dressed for the cold front.
- I entered a competition for who could make the best snowman. It was a snowman ship contest.
- Our HVAC business is struggling to attract customers. Business is rather frigid at the moment.
- I bought an extra coat but decided to return it. I already had one jacket too many.
- The overachieving snowman was determined to be the most well-rounded of all. He had lofty goals.
- The ice cream truck driver quit his job because the cold winds kept preventing sales. His business was giving him the chills.
- The cold never bothered me anyway, except for the monthly heating bill. That bothers me a lot.
- Don’t throw snowballs at strangers. That’s how you break the ice.
- I entered an ice sculpting contest, but my creation wasn’t cool enough to win.
- During winter, I use my bicycle as a snowplow to clear my driveway. It helps me stay in shape and in the cold at the same time.
- I bought hand warmers for my gloves, but they made my hands sweaty. I guess you could say things got heated.
- My friend slipped on the icy sidewalk and spilled his hot coffee all over himself. I asked if he was okay, but he gave me the cold shoulder.
- I told my mom I was cold, so she said to go sit in the corner. She swears it’s 90 degrees over there.
- Our air conditioner broke down during a heat wave in January. The repairman said it was the strangest cold call he ever received.
- Don’t try to rob a snowman – they’re known for giving cold, hard cash.
- I prefer cold pizza over hot pizza. At least cold pizza never burns the roof of your mouth.
- My favorite winter Olympic event is the skeleton race. I find it very chilling to watch.
Cold One-Liners (20)
- My freezer is so cold, I just saw a polar bear wearing a jacket.
- It’s so cold outside I just saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
- It’s so cold my thermometer said “I can’t do this anymore.”
- It’s so cold I actually saw a penguin wearing a coat.
- It’s so cold I just got fined for not picking up my dog’s frozen poop.
- It’s so cold I just saw a chicken warming itself in a KFC deep fryer.
- It’s so cold I just saw Santa Claus throwing another elf on the fire.
- It’s so cold my password on my laptop is incorrect because my fingers are numb.
- It’s so cold I just saw a snowman sitting in front of a heater drinking hot chocolate.
- It’s so cold I just saw a squirrel zipping up its fur coat.
- It’s so cold I just saw a lawyer hugging someone simply for body heat.
- It’s so cold outside, I saw a boy actually keeping his hands in his own pockets.
- It’s so cold outside that I actually saw a cat trying to bury itself in litter.
- It’s so cold outside that my shoes stuck to the parking lot ground.
- It’s so cold outside, I saw a flasher describing himself to a person.
- It’s so cold outside, people are excited for jury duty just for the heated room.
- It’s so cold outside, cattle are volunteering at the butcher shop just to get inside.
- It’s so cold, I saw a snowplow stuck in a snow drift asking a shovel for help.
- It’s so cold, I saw a penguin wearing earmuffs.
- It’s so cold, my phone can’t even locate itself because its lithium ion battery is too cold to function.
Best Cold Jokes (25)
1. I asked my friend from Alaska how cold it gets up there.
“It gets so cold that we actually only have three seasons: winter, still winter, and construction season,” he said.
2. My sister came in from the bitter cold and complained, “My toes are so frozen, I can’t feel them!”
I said, “Well, you better go catch them before they run away.”
3. I woke up to a beautiful snowy morning and ran outside with excitement only to slip and fall in my driveway.
“Are you alright?” my neighbor asked, stifling a laugh.
“I’m fine,” I groaned. “I just can’t wait for this winter weather to snow more.”
4. A penguin takes his car to the mechanic and asks, “Can you check the oil? It’s really noisy when I start it up in the morning.”
The mechanic checks under the car and says, “Looks like you blew a seal.”
The penguin replies, “Hey, enough with the ice jokes!”
5. What do you call ten penguins in the Arctic? Lost.
6. Why did the snowman call his dog Frost? Because Frost bites!
7. How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed? You wake up wet!
8. What falls in winter but never gets hurt? Snow!
9. Why was the baby ant confused? Because all of his uncles were ants!
10. How do snowmen get around? By icicle!
11. How do you stop a skunk from smelling? Plug its nose!
12. What does one snowman say to another? Do you smell carrots?
13. Why don’t mountains get cold in the winter? They wear snowcaps!
14. Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack!
15. How do you know if a snowman has been in your backyard? There’s snow everywhere!
16. What happens when snow falls in July? A snowdown!
17. Why was the snowman looking in the bag of carrots? He was picking his nose!
18. Where do snowmen put their donations? The snow bank!
19. What is a snowman’s favorite cereal? Frosted flakes!
20. How do you know when a snowstorm is a blizzard? When you can’t see your doghouse from the doghouse!
21. Why did the kid bring chili to the snowball fight? To spice things up!
22. What kind of shoes does a spy wear in the winter? Snow shoes!
23. What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes!
24. Why was the snowman smiling? He heard it was going to snow all week!
25. How do you get a squirrel down from a tree after an ice storm? Use a hair dryer until its paws unfreeze from the branch!