Chiropractor Puns
- I made an appointment with a chiropractor, but he said he couldn’t see me until next weak.
- I was feeling a bit stiff, so I decided to visit the chiropractor. He adjusted my back and said, “You’re all aligned now!”
- My chiropractor told me I had poor posture. I stood up straight and told him, “I won’t stand for this back talk!”
- I threw out my back and had to go to the chiropractor. He said, “Don’t worry, I’ve got your back cracked.”
- I asked my chiropractor to fix my hunched posture. He adjusted my back and said, “You’re looking very up-straight!”
- My chiropractor said I had uneven legs. I told him, “Stop trying to get a rise out of me!”
- I went to the chiropractor and he said, “Your back is out.” I said, “Yeah, it went out to lunch. Can you pop it back in place?”
- When I got injured playing football, I went to see a chiropractor. He said, “Don’t worry, I’ll tackle your back pain.”
- I threw out my back yesterday. My chiropractor said, “No problem, I’ll have you back on your feet in no time.”
- The chiropractor I visited was a bit creepy. He said he wanted to get his hands on me.
Chiropractor One-Liners
- My chiropractor is great with his hands, but terrible at starting conversations.
- Went to a new chiropractor today. He really cracked me up.
- Chiropractors have a knack for working out your kinks.
- They say chiropractors have a healing touch. Mine just has cold hands.
- A chiropractor’s favorite city? Crack-cago!
- Need a chiropractor? Don’t worry, I’ve got your back.
- Chiropractors aren’t always straight with you.
- My chiropractor said my spine was out of alignment. I told him my back felt fine.
- Chiropractors love to give adjustments, not compliments.
- A chiropractor’s hands are either magic or torture. No in-between.
Best Chiropractor Jokes
- I threw out my back badly, so I went to see my chiropractor, Dr. Patel. He examined me and said, “You’re really messed up! You’ll need to come in 3 days a week for the next year.” I asked if that was really necessary, and he said, “Well, I’m going on vacation for the next 2 weeks. When I get back, you should come in once a week for 6 months.”
- I was having terrible back pain so I went to see a chiropractor. He examined me thoroughly and said, “Well, I’m afraid you’ll have to stop masturbating for a few weeks.” I was shocked and said, “I don’t understand how that could be causing my back pain!”
The chiropractor replied, “It’s not, but it will give your wrists a chance to heal.”
- I’ve been having awful back pain so I finally went to see a chiropractor. He checked me over and said, “I see the problem – your spine is all out of whack. I’m going to have to completely realign you.”
I was nervous but agreed to let him try. The chiropractor then grabbed me firmly and twisted my body until everything popped and cracked.
“There! How does that feel?” he asked. I just looked at him and said, “Fine, but you’re still wearing my coat!”
- My back has really been hurting me lately so I decided to go see a chiropractor. He checked me over thoroughly and said, “Ah yes, I see the issue – your vertebrae are all out of alignment. I’m going to have to completely realign your spine.”
That made me nervous but I agreed to let him try. The chiropractor had me lay face down and then he walked up on my back, digging his knees in as he walked up my spine. He stomped on my neck a few times, then jumped off.
“Ok, try sitting up now,” he said. I struggled to sit up and shouted, “Are you crazy?? Get off me!”
That’s when I realized I was on the wrong table and he was my dog’s veterinarian, not a chiropractor.
- I threw out my back and my chiropractor, Dr. Cruz, said I needed to get an inversion table to decompress my spine. The next week at my follow up appointment, I told the doctor I got one and have been using it everyday.
“That’s great! How do you feel?” he asked.
“Hanging in there, doc.”
- I had been suffering from terrible back pain so I finally decided to go see a chiropractor. He thoroughly examined me and said, “Well, there’s good news and bad news. The good news is that I can fix your back in just 6 weeks with my special technique.”
“Oh thank goodness!” I said. “So what’s the bad news?”
The chiropractor replied, “The bad news is that you’ll need to come in 3 times a day, 7 days a week for the next 6 weeks.”
I was shocked. “3 times a day, every day for 6 weeks?! How is that even possible?”
He just shrugged and said, “I guess you’re not ready for the spine-ment.”
- I threw out my back badly so I went to a new chiropractor in town, Dr. Stevens.
He examined me thoroughly and said, “I see what’s wrong – your vertebrae are all out of whack. I’ll need to snap them back into place.”
I was nervous but agreed. Dr. Stevens then pushed hard down on my back until everything popped and cracked loudly.
“Owww!” I yelled. “What was that?”
“That was your back cracking,” he said.
“My back didn’t crack, that was my wallet!” I shouted.
- I was experiencing awful back pain so I went to see a chiropractor. He examined me and said, “I see the problem, your C4 vertebrae is slightly out of position. I’ll need to make an adjustment.”
I was nervous but I told him to go ahead. The chiropractor then grabbed my head and savagely twisted it around until my neck made a huge cracking sound.
The pain was excruciating and I screamed, “Why did you do that?!”
He said, “That wasn’t your neck, that was the cap off your water bottle.”
- I’ve been having terrible back pain so I decided to see a chiropractor. After examining me, he said “I see what the problem is – your spine is out of alignment. I’m going to manipulate it back into its proper position.”
I was nervous but agreed to let him try. The chiropractor had me lay on my stomach and then he suddenly jumped up and landed on my back with his full weight. My back let out multiple loud cracks.
“Ahhh! What are you doing??” I yelled.
“Nothing to worry about – those were just your bones cracking back into place,” he assured me.
I shook my head and said, “Those weren’t my bones, that was the examination table collapsing!”
- I went to a new chiropractor because I was having serious back issues. He examined me and said, “Wow, your spine is really messed up! It’s going to take a lot of work to get you straightened out again.”
The chiropractor had me lie face down on the table. He stood on top of me, digging his heels into my back as he walked up and down. Then he did some knee drops onto my spine.
“Ok, let’s see how that feels,” he said. Slowly sitting up, I replied, “Actually that felt pretty good.”
“Oh no, I’m so sorry!” he said with shock. “I thought you were my next massage client, not a chiropractic one!”
- I wasn’t feeling well so I decided to go to a chiropractor. After examining me, he said “It looks like your C5 and C6 vertebrae are out of alignment. I’m going to manipulate them back into position.”
I was nervous but agreed to let him try. The chiropractor twisted my neck forcefully until it let out a series of loud cracks.
“Ouch! Take it easy!” I yelled out.
“Don’t worry about the cracking, that’s a good sign,” he assured me.
I shook my head and replied, “That wasn’t my neck cracking – that was my knuckles cracking from clenching my fists so hard!”
- My back has really been hurting so I went to see a new chiropractor in town, Dr. Andrews.
He examined me and said, “I see the issue – your spine is out of whack and needs aligning.”
I nervously let him proceed with his treatment. Dr. Andrews leaned into my back with his elbow and pushed down forcefully multiple times, making my spine pop and crack loudly each time.
“AHHH!” I screamed. “Are you cracking my back?? That really hurts!”
“Don’t worry, it’s supposed to sound like that as your vertebrae move back into place,” he assured me.
I shook my head, replying “No, that wasn’t my vertebrae, that was the sound of my wallet being flattened!”
- I’ve been suffering from severe back pain so I made an appointment with Dr. Miller, the chiropractor. He examined me thoroughly and said, “Yep, your vertebral discs are clearly out of alignment. This will require some intense spinal manipulation to fix.”
I hesitantly agreed to let him try realigning my spine. Dr. Miller had me lay flat on my stomach then he jumped up and down on top of me, targeting different points along my spine with his heels.
“AAAAAHH!” I screamed out in agony. “That’s brutal, are you sure you know what you’re doing??”
Dr. Miller replied, “Of course! You can’t realign a spine gently – the intense force is what pops the vertebrae back into their proper place.”
I shook my head and said, “I don’t think you realigned anything – all you did was shatter my pelvis!”