Chair Puns (15)
- What do you call a chair that can fly? A highchair!
- Why was the chair tired when it got home from work? It was exhausted from sitting all day!
- My new office chair keeps breaking. I should have read the fine print before I bought it. The warranty clearly states it has limited reclinerability.
- I entered my chair into a furniture competition but it didn’t win first place. I guess I need to step up my seating game!
- I was going to make a joke about chairs, but I decided to take a seat instead.
- Did you hear about the angry chair? It had a short temper and kept flying off the handle!
- Why don’t chairs ever feel lonely? Because they have company all the time when people sit on them!
- What kind of chair can fly? A satellite dish!
- My chair broke when I sat on it. I guess I’m just too chairsmatic.
- Did you hear about the chair who was knighted? He became Sir Reclines-a-lot!
- I entered my chair into a furniture competition but it didn’t win first place. I guess I need to step up my seating game!
- What do you call a psychic little chair? A small medium at large!
- Why can’t chairs be famous actors? Because they can’t learn their lines!
- Did you hear about the indecisive chair? It has trouble making up its mine.
- What kind of chair do bees sit on? Armchairs!
Chair One-Liners (15)
- I relined my chair yesterday…now it’s not lazy anymore!
- They say you can’t teach an old chair new tricks, but I managed to make mine turn 360 degrees!
- Don’t fall asleep in an antique chair…you’ll end up in the eras before!
- My chair and I get along great because we’re always on the same seating page.
- I caught my chair trying to sneak out last night—looks like it was making a break for the door!
- Make sure to lift with your knees when moving chairs—nobody wants to throw their back out!
- Be careful not to lean too far back in your chair—you might just tip over backwards!
- My chair ran away and joined the circus…now it’s part of an acrobatic act!
- I tried to teach my chair some new tricks, but it turned out to be untrainable.
- Beware of suspicious-looking chairs—they may actually be stools in disguise!
- We better keep an eye on these chairs…I think they’re plotting to overthrow us!
- I caught my chair rocking back and forth for no reason—I think it has a few loose screws!
- Make sure to thank your chair occasionally for always being there to support you!
- My chair must think my jokes are hilarious based on how much time I spend rolling on the floor laughing.
- I’d offer you a seat, but my chair ran off to join the furniture revolution!
Best Chair Jokes (31)
17. My grandpa complained that he couldn’t get comfortable in any of his chairs. I told him maybe it’s time to consider a stairlift.
18. I accidentally sat on my son’s whoopee cushion that was on his chair. He laughed and said, “Gotcha!” I smirked and replied, “No son, I believe I got you.”
19. I was sitting in a waiting room and picked up a magazine to read. I sat in the only empty chair that had a whoopee cushion on it. Gotta love kid pranks.
20. My wife was frustrated that our dining chairs kept breaking so she made me promise to lose some weight. I reluctantly agreed, then broke three more chairs at dinner that night.
21. I entered my son in a baby stroller race. We were doing well but hit a bump and he fell out around the last corner. Thankfully he landed safely on a nice soft chair someone had left out.
22. I accidentally sat on my grandpa’s glasses when I plopped down into his recliner. Let’s just say I got quite the earful that day about having more respect for other people’s chairs and belongings.
23. The chairs in my house appear to be conspiring against me lately. I’ll carefully sit down just to have the whole thing collapse underneath me. I swear I’ve seen them giggling at me too.
24. We recently hosted a dinner party and ran out of chairs for all our guests to sit on. So being the generous host I am, I offered up my own chair and ate standing up the whole night.
25. I caught my son jumping around from couch to chair pretending the floor was hot lava. I decided to join in the fun but accidentally smashed right through his nice comfy armchair. Now the chair AND his fun is ruined.
26. I always try to grab the same chair for meetings at work since it has nice lumber support. My one coworker clearly has caught on though because now there’s always gum or crumbs left on it when I arrive.
27. My favorite living room chair mysteriously went missing last week. Found out later that my wife put it out on the curb as part of our neighborhood bulk trash cleanup. Devastating loss if you ask me.
28. I recently glued a fake $20 bill underneath one of my dining room chairs as an April Fool’s prank. You should have seen my mother-in-law’s face when she spotted it and eagerly bent down to grab the “cash”!
29. Someone left an expensive looking office chair outside our local donation center after hours. Let’s just say it’s become my new favorite reading spot when the weather’s nice. Finders keepers, right?
30. My son begged me to get him a cool gaming chair like his friends all have. I found a reasonably priced one online but failed to read the weight restrictions. Hearing that thing creak and crack as he sat down was tough.
31. We grabbed dinner at a nice restaurant downtown last week. Everything was going great until a server tripped and spilled an entire tray of drinks right into my wife’s lap. Thankfully there was an empty chair next to us so at least she had somewhere to sit while drying off.
32. I was racing my office chair down the hallway at work in between meetings. Little did I know my boss had stepped out right at that moment. My chair slammed right into her ankles at full speed and knocked her over. Whoops!
33. My two young kids were playing musical chairs and it was down to just the two of them. My daughter shoved my son as he went for the last seat, causing him to faceplant right onto the hardwood floor. Much crying followed.
34. The chairs in the waiting room at my doctor’s office are getting more and more uncomfortable every time I visit. It’s almost like they want you in and out as fast as possible rather than lounging around all relaxed.
35. We had some friends over the other night for dinner. Our one overweight friend went to sit on one of our antique dining chairs and ended up putting his foot right through the delicate woodwork. I don’t think we’ll be seeing them again any time soon.
36. I recently invested in one of those fancy zero gravity lounge chairs for reading out on my porch. It was working great until I dozed off for a bit too long and woke up with a horrible sunburn across my entire body.
37. We held a high stakes poker night last weekend and ran out of chairs, so someone had to sit on a bean bag. Every time it was their turn to bet, they’d struggle ridiculously trying to get out of that sinking cushion contraption.
38. My wife just surprised me with two front row tickets to see my favorite band. She also accidentally ordered us both oversized novelty foam finger hands you have to strap to your arms though. Guess who will be enjoying the show standing up!
39. We recently adopted a big goofy Great Dane from the local animal shelter. He’s incredibly sweet but has already crushed 3 kitchen chairs just from trying to be near us when we eat meals. Buying recliners next!
40. My youngest son decided to test out finger painting for the very first time last week. By the time I found him, somehow there was bright paint smeared all over the back cushion of my favorite lounge chair. The stains did NOT come out easily.
41. We were hosting a formal fancy dinner party and as our guests arrived, we realized we were somehow one chair short. So my husband grabbed a plastic lawn chair from the garage for himself to use instead. Classy AND functional!
42. I recently took my office chair into the repair shop because the motor was busted. Turns out a bunch of tiny toy cars and other objects were lodged down in there jamming up the works. Maybe my kids shouldn’t play mechanic in my home office anymore.
43. We had family visiting from out of state and our extra bedroom was being used. So one relative ended up trying to sleep curled up in my big puffy lounge chair each night. I don’t think they got much rest based on all the tossing, turning and grumbling I heard.
44. We held weekly Bingo nights with friends for years using an old rickety card table and mismatched chairs. Finally replaced that setup with nice folding banquet tables and chairs. On their inaugural night, the whole thing collapsed mid-game and cards went flying everywhere!
45. I recently inherited an antique wooden rocking chair from my grandmother which I decided to restore. Many hours of sanding and staining later, I relaxed into my first test rock and the whole thing splintered into pieces. Back to the drawing board.
46. My parents came to visit last Thanksgiving and brought this fancy inflatable chair for watching the big game with everyone. During a tense moment in the 4th quarter, my uncle jumped up cheering which somehow punctured a giant hole in the side. Whoops!
47. I surprised my wife with front row tickets to her favorite musician. Didn’t read the fine print though and our seats ended up being barstools along the stage, not chairs. My knees and back are still aching a week later from balancing on that tiny footrest all night.
48. I recently repaired a beautiful antique wooden chair I found at a garage sale. Feeling quite proud of my craftsmanship, I plopped down to see how comfortable it was only to have the entire thing crumble beneath me. So much for those DIY network shows making it look easy.
49. We were hosting game night with friends and someone plopped their drink down right onto our Monopoly board which was set up on the ottoman. In their scramble to grab napkins, they slid the ottoman right into our entertainment center knocking the TV over. No more game nights at our place!
50. We were visiting family recently and staying in the guest bedroom. When I went to do my hair and makeup at the vanity, the little bench stool just collapsed right under me. I ended up with makeup smeared all over the rug and a nice bruise on my behind. Very embarrassing!
51. I let my kids use fingerpaint one rainy afternoon to make some art for the fridge. When I came back later, somehow they had gotten blue and red paint all over the brand new cushions on our white living room chairs. Those stains were not coming out no matter what I tried.
52. Our family loves playing intense rounds of musical chairs at get-togethers. Last Thanksgiving it was down to two of my competitive cousins eyeing the last seat.They crashed hard fighting for the win and totally smashed the chair to smithereens in the process.
53. We had some friends over last weekend and were one chair short at the table. My husband tried to grab one of the barstools from the kitchen island to use, but it was way too tall and tippy. He ended up face-planting into his steak dinner when it toppled over.
54. I recently bought a fancy new recliner and put my feet up to enjoy watching the big game. Got a bit too excited on a big play which caused me to hit the lever and flip the footrest up hard, right into my chips and dip. What a mess that chair made of my living room!
55. We were hosting my kid’s birthday party and moved some patio chairs into the dining room for extra kids seating. One of the moms went to adjust how her chair was positioned and dragged the entire thing right across my mother-in-law’s foot. Lots of screaming and crying!
56. We picked up a nice used leather office chair from a garage sale that was missing the rolling base. My husband found an old skateboard in the basement to screw on instead so it would at least roll. Let’s just say it didn’t work well and he has the bruises to prove it.
57. I recently surprised my grandfather with a fancy lift chair recliner to help him get up and down easier. He was so excited that first day he kept rapidly standing up and plopping back down just because he could. Ended up getting his suspenders caught and flipping the footrest up right into his face. Oops!
58. We had family visiting and came up one chair short at the dining table. My aunt tried to squeeze on the end of the bench beside my uncle only to have it tip back dumping out our entire Thanksgiving feast onto the floor. That was the last of Gram’s good china plates too.
59. My son begged and begged for a cool novelty race car toddler chair that he saw online. After buying it, we realized quickly that it was basically impossible for him to actually sit and eat meals on the thing without constantly sliding down and tipping over. $100 down the drain.
60. I recently made a beautiful wooden rocking chair from scratch to put in the new nursery for my expected grandbaby. As soon as it was finished I gave it a test rock only to watch the entire leg assembly collapse into a pile of parts on the floor. Back to the drawing board before my daughter-in-law sees this mess!
61. My husband surprised me on my 40th birthday with front row tickets to see my favorite 90s band in concert. Didn’t pay attention to the fine print though and turns out our VIP seats were wobbly stools along the edge of the stage, not comfy chairs like I was envisioning. I have so many regrets about those flimsy things toppling me over constantly all night long.
