53 Funny Cell phone Jokes

Cell Phone Puns

1. I told my friend I was going to get the new iPhone, he said I shouldn’t fall for their mar-kitting tricks.
2. My cell phone battery died so I had to go old school and use a payphone. It was a smartphone move.
3. I entered my cell phone into a beauty pageant. Apparently it didn’t qualify because it’s not a mobile device.
4. Want to hear a phone joke? Call me and I’ll tell you one.
5. My friend called me to borrow some money for a new cell phone. I told him sorry, no cell, no sell.
6. Did you hear about the mobile phone that was feeling a bit down? It needed someone to give it a ring.
7. I was going to tell a joke about my phone battery but it needs charging first.
8. Someone stole my smartwatch and I thought, what a mobile violation!
9. My phone has so many scratches on the screen that it should join the #MeToo movement.
10. I bought a used mobile device off eBay. Turns out I got conned by a cell phone artist.
11. Did you hear about the smartphone that left comedy school? Apparently none of his jokes got many gigs.
12. I tried calling Samsung to help me strengthen my phone’s reception power, but they said I’ll have to make my own call.

Cell Phone One-Liners

13. I named my phone Google, so I can Google things by saying “Okay Google”.
14. My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships.
15. I use my old smartphones as drink coasters to remind me not to spill anything on my new one.
16. Dropped my Nokia in the toilet, now I have to get a plumber.
17. Accidentally read my text messages out loud and now everyone thinks I’m crazy.
18. I’d tell you about my blackberry but you wouldn’t connect.
19. My phone has more selfies than friends.
20. My phone predictive text knows me better than I know myself.
21. I taught a phone etiquette class called Using Your Inside Voice Outside.
22. My phone battery percentage causes me more stress than my actual life.
23. I use so much mobile data my cell phone provider sends me love letters.
24. Who uses up all the space on my phone camera roll? My cat, obviously.

Best Cell Phone Jokes

25. Last week my smartphone went missing. I searched everywhere but couldn’t find it. So I went and bought a new one, setting it up just like my old phone. The next day, my teenager came up to me sheepishly and handed me my old phone. “Dad I’m so sorry I took it without asking. I found it under my bed and felt really bad.” I took the phone from him and put it down calmly. Then I picked up my new phone, called my old phone, and watched it ring under his bed. His eyes went wide when he heard it, now realizing I had tricked him. Needless to say, he won’t be taking my phone again anytime soon.
26. My wife was tired of me being glued to my phone all the time. So one night at dinner, she said “Every time you pick up that phone from now, it’ll cost you $20.” I laughed thinking she was joking. About 5 minutes later my phone dinged with a text notification. Without thinking I checked it under the table. My wife silently held out her hand smiling. I sheepishly pulled out a $20 bill from my wallet and handed it to her. This woman wasn’t playing around!
27. Last night my friend got drunk at a party and butt dialed his mom. He didn’t realize until the next morning when he saw 17 missed calls and a long slurred voicemail saying “Heeeey Mom I think I butt dialed you, sorry!” Needless to say, she wasn’t too impressed, grounding him for a week. Butt dialing, never a good idea especially to your parents.
28. So I recently took a vacation to Hawaii and made the mistake of checking my work emails. I know I should have fully unplugged, but I just couldn’t help it. Anyway I was reading this super long annoying email from a client going back and forth asking me a million questions. Without thinking I muttered “gosh can you just figure this out yourself!” Then I heard a person behind me clear their throat loudly. I turned bright red when I realized I had said that out loud! Now there was some random stranger who thought I was a total jerk. Lesson learned, no more phones on vacation!
29. My daughter just turned 16 and really wants an iPhone for her birthday. But there’s no way I’m getting a brand new licensed driver a smart phone to tempt her to text or talk while driving! So I decided I’d get her one of those “pretend” plastic toy phones for little kids instead as a gag gift. You should have seen her face when she unwrapped it! Priceless. Don’t worry though, I eventually pulled out the real iPhone and gave it to her after she promised no texting and driving multiple times. She can have a smartphone as long as she remains a safe driver.
30. A telemarketer kept calling me early in the morning to sell some service I had no interest in. After the fifth call I’d had enough. So the next time they called I picked up and yelled “Wrong number, stop calling me!” Then I heard an automated voice say “We’re very sorry, we will make sure not to call this number again.” I couldn’t believe it, I had been yelling at a robot! Well, at least I finally got them to stop calling.
31. So I was taking the subway the other day and this lady sitting across from me kept screaming randomly into her phone. Stuff like “I said NO mayonnaise!” and “How many times do I have to tell you to clean your room!”. At first I thought she was having some really intense phone conversations. But then I looked closely and realized…her phone wasn’t even on! She was literally yelling at a turned off black screen. Everyone else on that train was just as confused and disturbed as I was. That lady needed help big time!
32. My little cousin got her first phone for her 10th birthday. My aunt was showing her how to make calls the first day. She tapped in a random number to demonstrate and it started actually ringing! My cousin’s eyes went wide with surprise. A man picked up on the other end saying hello. Not missing a beat, my cousin goes “Hi can Toby come out to play?” in the cutest little voice ever. The guy on the phone chuckled and said “Sorry kiddo, wrong number!” We all cracked up. But hey, my cousin now knows how to successfully make her first prank call, she’s learning quick!
33. So my phone recently started autocorrecting random words to “unicorn”. At first I thought it was kind of funny. Until I sent an important work email to my boss saying the first draft is done and I’ll have the full unicorn ready tomorrow morning for the presentation. She sent back a very confused email saying “Unicorn?? Did you mean version? Please clarify.” So embarrassing trying to explain I didn’t actually have a mythical horned horse creature as part of my work presentation deck!
34. I was in a crazy rush leaving my office for an appointment the other day when my boss stopped me. He told me my fly was down which was horrifying because I was in front of numerous coworkers. Without thinking, I whipped out my phone to check my appearance with the front facing camera. That’s when I realized I don’t have a front facing camera because my phone is like 10 years old. My boss said “Wow still using that dinosaur huh?” Lesson learned, time to join the modern smartphone era.