Canada Day Puns
1. I heard there was going to be a Canada Day parade, but it was cancelled. Apparently they couldn’t get all the mounties.
2. What do you call a fake maple leaf? An impoaster!
3. Why do Canadians say “Eh” so much? Because they’re too polite to end their sentences!
4. Did you hear about the new Canada-themed restaurant? The food is terrible, but they say “sorry” a lot.
5. What do you call a Canada Day party without beer? A dry run!
6. Why don’t mountains get cold in Canada? They wear snowcaps!
7. Did you hear about the Canada Day wedding? It was so emotional, even the cake was in tiers.
8. Why are Canadian cows so relaxed? They graze in peesee pastures.
9. How do lumberjacks know when Canada Day is coming? They can sense the changing maple leaves.
10. Why did the Canadian bring gloves to the Canada Day parade? In case it got chilly!
11. What’s red, white, round, and asks for directions? A lost puck!
12. How do Canadians party? They go out for a rip, eh!
13. Why do Canadians love maple syrup so much? Because it’s sappy!
14. Why are Canadians so good at hockey? They were born with skates on, don’t ya know!
15. What do you call a frozen Canadian lake? An ice rink!
Canada Day One-Liners
16. I heard Canadians invented snow tires, so they’d have a better grip when they drank and drove.
17. Canada Day is like Christmas, but with more beer and less family time.
18. Canada Day: an excuse for Canadians to feel patriotic once a year.
19. In Canada, you don’t watch fireworks on Canada Day – the Northern Lights are the fireworks.
20. Canada Day: the one day a year Canadians realize how cold their country is.
21. Canada Day celebrates the one thing that unites all Canadians: maple syrup.
22. Canada Day is like the Super Bowl if it only happened once every 365 days.
23. Canada Day: when Canadians apologize for being too loud during their fireworks.
24. Canada Day: where the cold never bothered them anyway.
25. Canada Day: like the 4th of July but with more flannel.
26. Canada Day: like the 4th of July if it was sponsored by Tim Hortons.
27. Canada Day: the continuation of a 154-year Canadian tradition of being mildly enthused once a year.
28. Canada Day party checklist: Beer, maple syrup, hockey sticks, timberjacks. Repeat.
29. Canada Day commemorates the day when Canadians said “Sorry Britain, we’re just gonna go do our own thing now, eh?”
30. Canada Day Fireworks: Sponsored by Tim Hortons and accompanied by Celine Dion music.
Best Canada Day Jokes
31. Three Canadians were stranded on a deserted island. After weeks of surviving on berries, one of them found a magic lamp. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The first Canadian wished to be back home. Poof! He disappeared. The second wished the same. Poof! She disappeared. The third Canadian looked around and said, “Gee, I’m lonely now. I wish they were back here.” Poof! The other two Canadians reappeared.
32. On Canada Day, a Mountie knocked on an apartment door and it opened to reveal several people inside having a party. Loud music was playing and the room was filled with smoke. The Mountie asked the person who opened the door, “Do you have any identification?” The person replied, “About what?” That’s when the Mountie realized he had stumbled upon a Canadian apartment.
33. An American was touring Canada and stopped at a local bar on Canada Day. He asked the bartender, “What do Canadians celebrate on Canada Day anyway?” The bartender replied sarcastically, “We celebrate the fact that we’re not Americans!”
34. An American tourist visited Vancouver right around Canada Day. He walked into a bar and ordered a beer from the bartender, who gave it to him without accepting any money. The tourist was delighted and ordered a few more drinks, each one for free. When it was time to leave, he asked the bartender why he didn’t charge him. The bartender replied, “It’s Canada Day – your money’s no good here, friend!”
35. On Canada Day, a Canadian Mountie saw someone drinking and driving. He pulled them over and said, “Geez, you know better than to drink and drive on Canada Day, eh? Where’s your Canadian courtesy?” The driver said, “No no, officer, today is Canada Day – you’re thinking of the wrong holiday. You must have mistaken me for a drunk American on the 4th of July!” The Mountie chuckled and said, “Oh you’re absolutely right, my mistake. Have a safe ride home!”
36. What did one Canadian maple leaf say to another? “I’m falling for you!”
37. What’s the Canadian version of Santa Claus called? Pere Nöel, Eh?
38. Why can’t you Iron a Canadian flag? You shouldn’t press their maple leaf!
39. How does a Canadian change a lightbulb? First he says, “Sorry lightbulb, I didn’t mean for you to burn out.” Then he gets a ladder, replaces the bulb, and the new bulb says, “No worries, buddy. Thanks for changing me.”
40. Why does Superman wear red and yellow? So he can look like a Canadian flag.
41. What do you call a scary Canadian movie about corn? A stalker, eh?
42. Why did the Canadian bring a ruler to bed? To see how long he slept!
43. Why are Canadians terrible at knock knock jokes? Because they always apologize and open the door too early!
44. Where does a Canadian keep his armies? In his sleevies!
45. What do you call a sad red and yellow leaf? A depressed Canadian!
46. Why do Canadians like having the Queen on their money? Because they get to see an elderly woman every day! (Most Canadians find this joke offensive.)
47. How many Canadians does it take to change a light bulb? Twelve. One to change the bulb and eleven to stand around and talk about how nice the old bulb was.
48. Why don’t Canadians play hide and seek? Because no one wants to find them.
49. Why did the Canadian wear glasses? So he could ice sees better!
50. Why does Superman wear his underwear on the outside? So he can look like a Canadian flag!
51. Why did the Canadian bring scissors with him to the desert? So he could cut through the sand, eh!
52. What’s the smartest province in Canada? Alberta, because it has the most albertans!
53. Why do Canadians say “sorry” so much? Because it goes well with maple syrup!
54. Why did the Canadian hockey player bring string to the game? For a net just in case eh!
55. Why does Miss Canada wear red lipstick? So she matches the maple leaf!
56. Why was the Canadian so excited about his new leather jacket? Because it was made of the finest Canadien leather!
57. Why do Canadians make bad vampires? They can’t stand the sight of blood, eh!
58. Why did the Canadian bring bug spray camping? To repel the mosquitoes, eh!
59. Why do Canadians wear parkas in the summer? In case of a freak snow storm, eh!
60. Why do Canadians say “eh” at the end of sentences? Because a simple period seems too assertive!
61. Where does a Canadian keep his doughnuts? In Timmy’s tummy!
62. What do you call a cat from Canada? A mews-krat!
63. Why did the Canadian bring a ruler to bed? To see how long he slepteh!
64. Why are Canadians so polite? Because aggression is too spicy for them!
65. Why did the Canadian wear his hockey jersey on Canada Day? To show his Cana-pride!
