Calendar Puns
1. I asked my calendar what’s up this week and it said, “Same old days, just in a different order!”
2. Why was the calendar so shy? Because it had a lot of dates but wasn’t getting asked out!
3. My calendar keeps ghosting me. It marks off days without giving me any notice.
4. I caught my calendar cheating on me with another year. I guess it just flipped the page.
5. I asked my calendar what it wears to special events. It said, “I put on my Sunday best!”
6. My calendar is very judgmental. It’s always marking my dates as good, bad or nothing at all!
7. I told my calendar a joke but it didn’t laugh, it just marked the day off.
8. Someone stole my calendar and now I don’t have any dates! I guess my social life is month-to-month now.
9. My calendar and I are fighting right now because neither of us wants to turn the page!
10. My calendar ghosted me so I ripped out all its pages. I guess you could say it hit rock bottom!
11. I caught my calendar counting down the days until it can flip to another month.
12. My calendar called in sick today. It’s feeling a little dateless and blue.
Calendar One-Liners
13. My calendar is very indecisive, it flip flops between days constantly.
14. I asked my calendar to dinner but it was already booked.
15. My calendar ghosted me, it left without a trace…except for crossing off yesterday.
16. I wanted to surprise my calendar for its birthday but it already knew the date.
17. I caught my calendar counting down until Friday…I feel the same way!
18. I asked my calendar to run away with me but it said it was bound to dates.
19. I told my calendar a joke about what’s on the calendar today but it already heard it yesterday!
20. My calendar called me clueless because I didn’t know what day it was.
21. I begged my calendar not to break up with me when December ends!
22. My calendar ghosted me right before we hit the one year mark.
Best Calendar Jokes
23. I was running late to an important meeting so I asked my calendar to slow down time. It just shrugged and said “sorry, days are numbered.”
24. I caught my calendar cheating when I saw hearts drawn around February 14th. I can’t compete with Valentine’s Day!
25. I begged my calendar not to break up with me at the end of the year but it said our relationship just ran out of dates.
26. My calendar called me immature for still using kid’s calendars with cartoons on them. I guess it feels too old for our relationship.
27. I asked my calendar how its day was and it snapped, “It’s the same as yesterday, I’m tired of the repetitive routine!”
28. I wanted to plan more activities with my calendar but it shrugged and said “sorry, I’m booked.”
29. My calendar broke up with me because it felt our relationship had no future dates planned.
30. I caught my calendar on a date with a day planner. I guess it wanted someone more organized.
31. My calendar called me a time waster because I was always marking dates but never committing to plans.
32. My calendar left me a Dear John letter saying it was planning to run away with a Day Timer since I never have time for dates anyway.
33. I begged my calendar not to leave me but it said we’d reached the end of our relationship and it was time to turn the page.
34. I asked my calendar to cuddle but it said it was feeling detached since the last page turned.
35. My calendar broke up with me right before our anniversary. It said I didn’t appreciate our time together so it was moving on to next year.
36. I caught my calendar seeing another guy behind my back – its palm pilot! I guess I’m just not tech savvy enough for it.
37. My calendar left me because I didn’t pay enough attention to our dates. It ran off with someone who writes down every little thing!
38. I asked my calendar to dinner but it turned me down saying it was already completely booked up.
39. I begged my calendar to take me back after we broke up, but it just coldly crossed off the date and turned the page.
40. I asked my calendar to give me a second chance, but it said all our dates were now water under the bridge and it was time to move on.
41. My calendar broke up with me right after New Year’s. It said it was time to clean the slate and it had no more openings for me.
42. I caught my calendar lining up dates with next year already. I guess it feels no nostalgia for the time we spent together.
43. I asked my calendar if it ever thinks back fondly on the days we shared. It just shrugged and said the past was history to it.
44. I begged my calendar not to leave me stranded without any plans, but it said I can’t turn back time so stop trying to live in the past.
45. I asked my calendar if it had any regrets about ending things between us. It just coldly crossed through yesterday’s box and flipped to a fresh new page without looking back.
