Button Puns
1. I asked my tailor if he could make me some new shirts without buttons. He said, “That’s a seamless request!”
2. The little boy was frustrated trying to button up his shirt. I told him, “Don’t get upset, you’ll get the hang of it eventually.”
3. I entered my cat in a feline beauty pageant but had to withdraw her. She kept swatting all the other cats’ buttons off their outfits.
4. My friend got angry when I accidentally popped a button off his shirt. I told him to sew what!
5. The fashion designer drew sketches of dresses with buttons down the back. Her assistant asked, “Don’t you think that will be hard for people to button themselves?” The designer replied, “Oh sew it!”
6. I was nervous about asking my crush to prom so my friend gave me a pep talk. She said, “Just button up your courage and ask her out!”
7. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re a little shellfish.
8. The factory had to shut down the button-making machine because it kept malfunctioning. I guess you could say it needed re-buttoning.
9. I entered a competition for sewing machines but lost. I guess I just wasn’t on the button that day.
10. My son couldn’t figure out how to button up his pajamas. I told him, “Just sleep on it, you’ll get it eventually!”
11. Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have anty-bodies.
12. I caught my wife trying to sew buttons onto my favorite shirt. I asked her, “What are you de-threading?”
13. What do you call a knight with no buttons? Sir Render!
14. The cowboy rode into town with buttons missing from his shirt. The sheriff asked, “Who unbuttoned you?”
15. Why did the button cross the road? To get to the button hole on the other side!
Button One-Liners
16. My pants kept falling down because the button fell off. I really needed to get my act together.
17. I was running late to my piano recital and tried buttoning my dress in the car. It was quite the button mash.
18. That baby tried to eat the buttons off my shirt, I had to nip it in the button.
19. Don’t cry over spilled buttons.
20. My friend got mad when I beat him at video games and threw the controller at the wall. I guess he needed to button up his anger issues.
21. I bought a fancy jacket but struggled with all the tricky buttons. I guess fashion has its ups and down buttons.
22. That teenager has quite an attitude, someone needs to button up her lip!
23. My pet parrot loves popping all the buttons off my remote control. I need to button up my stuff around him!
24. I entered my cat in a pet talent show, but she just knocked all the buttons off the judges clothes. I had to button up my pride and apologize.
25. Don’t worry about getting the buttons right, just button up and try your best!
Best Button Jokes
26. A woman rushed into a department store on the last day of a big sale. She was buttoning up her coat as she ran. An employee stopped her and said, “Here, ma’am, let me get that button for you.” The woman replied, “Oh no thanks, I’m just looking.”
27. Billy was excited to wear his new shirt on the first day of school. He carefully buttoned it up all the way to the top button. His dad said, “Hey buddy, why don’t you unbutton that top button so you can breathe?” Billy replied, “I wanna look my best!” His dad responded, “Well, button up! Looks like you’re all ready for school.”
28. Sarah couldn’t wait to wear her new dress for picture day at school. She ironed it neatly and started buttoning up the back. The buttons were so small and tricky to fasten. Sarah kept fumbling with the tiny buttons, growing more frustrated by the minute. With no time left before the bus arrived, Sarah burst into tears looking at the still unbuttoned dress. Just then, her mom came in and gently said, “Here, let me help button you up.” Her mom swiftly buttoned the dress and tied a bow. Sarah hugged her mom tightly, now smiling ear to ear.
29. The captain inspected his sailors’ uniforms before they departed from the shipyard. He scolded one sailor, “Your shirt is a mess! The buttons are in the wrong holes. Redo them at once or you’ll be swabbing the deck!” The nervous sailor saluted and replied, “Aye aye, captain!” before quickly re-buttoning his shirt. The captain nodded in approval and barked, “That’s more like it, now button up and look sharp!” The sailor breathed a sigh of relief having narrowly avoided a stern punishment.
30. Martha was running late for a job interview when she realized the button had fallen off her best blazer. She frantically looked all over but couldn’t find the button. Just then, Martha had an idea to replace it with a paperclip. She bent the paperclip open and attached it to the buttonhole. It wasn’t perfect, but it would have to do. At the interview, Martha kept her cool as the manager looked her over. With a hiring offer secured, Martha excitedly called her mom saying, “I buttoned up and nailed it, I got the job!”
31. The frazzled mom was getting her kids ready for the first day of school. She yelled up the stairs, “Tommy, button up that shirt! Jenny, where are your shoes? And has anyone seen my keys?” Just then, the button popped off Tommy’s shirt, Jenny tripped over an untied shoelace, and the baby started crying. The mom took a deep breath, picked up the button, tied Jenny’s shoe, soothed the baby, and said calmly “It’s okay, we got this. Everyone just button up and let’s try again.”