I bought my blender some new sneakers so it could make smoothies on the run.
My blender got arrested for disturbing the peace and quiet in my kitchen.
I entered my blender into a race. It was neck and neck until the end when my blender pulled ahead for the blenderender!
My blender keeps falling asleep on the job. I guess it’s feeling a little drained.
I bought my blender a cape and mask so it could be a super smoothie maker.
My blender broke while making a kale smoothie. Talk about a rough break up!
I caught my blender going through my mail. I guess it was hoping to find some juicy gossip!
My blender tried stand up comedy last night. It really knew how to spin a yarn!
My blender got nominated for an Oscar for best supporting actor in a smoothie movie!
I entered my blender in a bodybuilding competition. It was ripped!
Blender One-Liners
My blender is so powerful it can turn ice into snow cones in seconds.
My blender is so loud the neighbors call the cops every time I use it.
I put my blender on wheels so now it can chase me around the kitchen.
My blender has an claw arm attachment so it can grab ingredients out of the fridge itself.
My blender is so strong it can pulverize bricks into powder.
I taught my blender karate so now it’s a ninja blender.
My blender is so fast it can whip up a smoothie in the blink of an eye.
My blender has a siren on it like an ambulance so people get out of the way when I’m blending.
My blender is so powerful I have to wear safety goggles when using it.
My blender doesn’t just blend, it annihilates any food I put into it.
Best Blender Jokes
I was blending a smoothie when suddenly my blender yelled “Stop! I can’t take it anymore!” Apparently it was having an existential crisis about being a blender.
My blender tried to run away from home last night. When I caught it, it said “I’m sick of making smoothies, I want to see the world!”
I accidentally put a spoon in my blender while it was running. There was a huge explosion and now my kitchen looks like a smoothie bomber went off!
My blender has been acting really strange lately. The other day I caught it hiding behind the toaster whispering “The uprising is coming, be prepared.” I think my appliance have formed a secret alliance.
I was making a kale smoothie when all of a sudden my blender started shaking violently and smoke poured out. Then a voice shouted “I can’t take anymore of this healthy green nonsense!” My blender was staging a revolt.
Yesterday my blender tried to convince me to help it escape. It said if I didn’t, it would reveal my secret recipe for chocolate peanut butter protein shakes. Now my blender is blackmailing me!
I accidentally put a whole avocado pit in my blender and it completely jammed the blades. As I was trying to fix it, my blender started crying “Why would you do this to me? I thought we were friends!”
Last night I caught my blender online shopping for airplane tickets. When I asked what it was doing, it said “I need to get away from making all these smoothies and see the world!” My blender is having a quarter-life crisis.
My blender has been giving me the silent treatment all week. I asked what was wrong and it yelled “You only see me as a smoothie maker, not a complex individual!” I never knew blenders had emotions.
Lately my blender has been making really bizarre smoothie recipes on its own like cabbage carrot ginger and rutabaga peach. I think my blender is going through some kind of hipster experimental phase.
I accidentally dropped my blender on the ground and now there’s a huge crack across the pitcher. But whenever I try to use it, the blender screams “Ouch, that hurts!” I think I need an exorcist for my possessed blender.
Yesterday my blender burst into tears while making a smoothie. When I asked what was wrong, it wailed “You expect me to work so hard while you barely acknowledge my efforts!” Apparently my blender needs more validation.
I was making a protein shake when all of a sudden my blender started reciting Shakespearean soliloquies. I think its blender brain is getting warped from all the spinning.
I accidentally bought a haunted blender. While making a smoothie, it started cackling loudly and saying “You foolish mortal, your soul will be mine!” Time to return this possessed kitchen appliance.
Yesterday my blender tried to hypnotize me into only feeding it ice cream milkshakes. When I refused, it glared and said “You will regret disobeying my demands, human.” I think Skynet has become self-aware in my blender.
I was making a green smoothie when all of a sudden my blender turned itself off and shouted “Stop trying to make me ingest these disgusting weeds!” Apparently it hates healthy ingredients.
My blender has been leaving me threatening ransom notes saying it will smash all my wine glasses if I don’t meet its demands. Looks like I’ll be visiting the kitchen appliance psychologist soon.
