Blanket Puns (20)
1. I asked my friend if he wanted to go camping, but he said he’d rather stay in his blan-ket.
2. My blanket is so warm, it really com-forts me.
3. I brought my favorite blan-ket on the picnic, I didn’t want ants crawling under it and having a picnic of their own.
4. I was cold last night, so I grabbed my electric blan-ket. It was very current.
5. The movie was boring, so I decided to blan-ket out.
6. I entered my dog in a blanket making contest, but he wasn’t very good at weaving.
7. I love cuddling up with a good book and my blan-ket on a rainy day.
8. Don’t disturb me, I’m in my blan-cave.
9. I’ve started looking for someone to share my blan-ket with.
10. This blan-ket is so cozy, it really brings the room together.
11. I’m voting for the can-didate who promises blankets for all.
12. Excuse me while I go curl up with my blan-boo.
13. I asked for extra blan-ket on my airline seat, but they said there was a cover charge.
14. Don’t bother knocking on my door past 9pm, I’ll already be tucked in my blan-ket burrito.
15. I’m thinking of taking up extreme blan-keting as a hobby.
16. This blan-ket is perfect for a nap, it really puts me to sleep.
17. I’m addicted to buying blan-kets, my house is covered in them.
18. I entered my dog in a blanket training program, but he kept blan-keting out on the lessons.
19. My favorite thing about winter is bundling up in a blan-ket sweater.
20. I’m so excited about my new electric blanket, it has great wattage.
Blanket One-Liners (10)
21. I was cold last night but my blanket kept me warm as toast.
22. My blanket is so cozy, I wish I never had to leave it.
23. This blanket feels like a warm hug.
24. I love snuggling up with my blankie at night.
25. My dream date is cuddling under a blanket and watching movies.
26. This blanket is so soft, it’s like wrapping myself in a cloud.
27. I feel safe and secure all wrapped up in my blanket.
28. My favorite time of day is when I crawl under the covers with my blankie.
29. Nothing beats the feeling of being all cozy under a warm blanket.
30. Blankets make everything better – bad day, sick day, any day!
Best Blanket Jokes (40)
31. I was having trouble sleeping so I visited the blanket store and asked if they sold anything to help me sleep better. The owner said, “We have just the thing!” and pulled out a large, heavy blanket. “This weighted blanket should do the trick,” he said. I bought it and hurried home, eager to finally get some rest. I curled up under my new weighted blanket, but quickly realized it was too heavy. I felt like I was being crushed! The next day I returned to the store and complained to the owner saying, “Your blanket made me feel trapped, not relaxed. It was un-comfy and restless!” The owner apologized and said, “I’m sorry sir, it appears we’ve had a bad case of mistaken identity. You clearly needed our lightweight blankets for a good night’s sleep, not the weighted ones.”
32. I was relaxing at home one evening when there was a knock at the door. When I answered, my neighbor was standing there looking frazzled. She explained that her electric blanket had short-circuited and started a small fire in her bedroom! Thankfully she caught it in time and the fire department was able to stop the blaze before it spread. “I know this is a lot to ask,” she said “but could I please borrow a blanket for the night while mine airs out from the smoke?” I happily loaned her a warm blanket and told her to keep it as long as she needed. She thanked me profusely saying “I don’t know what I would have done without you, your blanket really saved me tonight!”
33. Why was the blanket acting so shy? It felt all covered up!
34. Why can’t blankets tell jokes? They always end up tongue-tied!
35. Did you hear about the electric blanket that got invited to the celebrity party? It was so excited to go it nearly had a power surge!
36. Did you hear about the adventurous blanket that went hang gliding? It had a lot of ups and downs but made a soft landing in the end!
37. Why are blankets always so positive? Because they look on the bright side!
38. Did you hear about the blanket that entered a comedy competition? It killed with its dry humor!
39. Why did the little boy bring his blanket everywhere? He just couldn’t part with it!
40. Did you hear about the blanket that got an award for being extra comforting? It was given a trophy for excellence in the field of sheet comfort!
41. What do you call an mean blanket that makes fun of other blankets? A comfort bully!
42. Why do blankets make such great secret keepers? They can really keep things under wraps!
43. Why was the blanket acting so rude and obnoxious? It had an off-putting personality!
44. Did you hear about the blanket who was feeling down? His friend gave him a warm embrace to comfort him!
45. How does a blanket party? It wraps things up!
46. What do you call a blanket that’s been stolen? A pilfered quilter!
47. Why did the blanket cross the road? To get to the other side!
48. What do you call a blanket that’s great at gardening? An expert weeder!
49. Why can’t a blanket keep a secret? Because it always spills the beans!
50. Did you hear about the blanket who entered a cake baking contest? They took home first prize for their sheet cake!
51. Why was the electric blanket acting so fickle? It was having mood swings!
52. What did the blanket say when it got a hole? “Darn it!”
53. How does a blanket keep its sheets clean? With lots of detergent!
54. Did you hear about the blanket who loved winter sports? It was an expert skiier!
55. What kind of blanket is great at karaoke? A singing quilt!
56. Why did the blanket get in trouble at school? It was caught cheating on a test!
57. What do you call a blanket that loves photography? A camera buff!
58. Why did the blanket invite all its friends over? It wanted to host a quilt-together!
59. What happened when the blanket had a great idea? A lightbulb went over its head!
60. How does a blanket access the internet? With its own web address!
61. Why was the blanket acting so vain and conceited? It was self-absorbed!
62. What do you call a blanket that loves sushi? A big fan of rice rolls!
63. How does a blanket stay in shape? Lots of mat exercises!
64. Why was the blanket acting so shy? It had social anxiety!
65. What do you call a blanket that loves coffee? A java junkie!
66. Why was the blanket acting so messy and unorganized? It was a hot quilting mess!
67. What do you call a blanket that loves reading? A real bookworm!
68. Why was the blanket acting so clueless and unaware? It didn’t have a great grasp on things!
69. How does a blanket party hard? It really ties one on!
70. What did the blanket say when it won an award? “I’m so honored I’m beside myself!”
