Bean Puns
1. I wanted to grow a vegetable garden, but all I could manage were some string beans.
2. My friend got angry when I accidently spilled beans all over his floor. But don’t worry, no beans were harmed.
3. I entered my pet bean in a beauty pageant. Sadly, she didn’t win. I guess she wasn’t the most bean-utiful.
4. I was feeling gassy after eating a big bowl of beans. I guess you could say I was full of hot air.
5. My bean plants weren’t growing well so I played them some music. I was hoping it would help them grow, but no stalk.
6. I spilled the beans when I confessed my love to my crush. Luckily, they felt the same way about me.
7. I bought magical jelly beans that are supposed to give you special powers. But after eating them, I realized I’d been ripped off. What a bunch of baking beans.
8. I entered my pet turtle in a bean eating contest. She definitely has a shell of a chance at winning.
9. Did you hear about the restaurant that only serves cold beans? It has a very chilli vibe.
10. My friend couldn’t afford a nice camera, so I lent them some lentils. Don’t worry, they’ll give me back my beans.
11. The band played awfully at the music festival. It was some of the worst bean blowing I’ve ever heard.
12. I accidentally burned a pot of beans I was cooking. Talk about a mis-stew.
Bean One-Liners
13. I’m more of a bean counter than an accountant.
14. They call me “Mr. Bean” because I love beans so much.
15. Beans, beans, they’re good for your heart. But maybe not the musical fruit part.
16. Chili without beans is just a meaty mistake.
17. Be careful not to spill the beans or you’ll end up in hot water.
18. Bean there, done that.
19. You can count on me to bean time.
20. Trust me, I’m a professional bean counter.
21. Bean me up, Scotty!
22. If you can’t stand the beans, get out of the kitchen.
23. Once you go bean, you’ll never go back.
24. Beanlieve me when I say beans make everything better.
25. Bean all, end all.
Best Bean Jokes
26. What do you call a bean who works out? A protein!
27. Why couldn’t the green bean see? Because it was stuck between the other beans!
28. What do you call it when a bean gets in a fight? Full on assault and beanery!
29. Why are beans the most charitable vegetables? Because they give bean-efits to everyone.
30. How did the little bean grow up to be a famous actor? It studied hard and did its beans best!
31. What did the mama bean say to her misbehaving bean child? I’m very disappointed in your bad bean-havior!
32. Why was the green bean upset? Because it was in a pickle!
33. How do beans party? They turnip the beets!
34. Why was the ref angry during the bean bag tournament? There was tons of unsports-bean-like conduct!
35. What did the jelly bean say when it was sad? “I’m feeling blue.”
36. What kind of beans love music? Haricots verts!
37. Why did the bean cross the road? To get to the other sidedish!
38. What do you call a psychic little bean? A four-bean teller!
39. Where do beans like to dance? At the legume club!
40. What do you call an excited bean? Enthused!
41. Why was the green bean depressed? It was in a pickle!
42. What’s a bean’s favorite movie genre? Rom-chickpea!
43. Why did the lazy bean get fired from his job? For lacking initiative and not giving a sprout!
44. Why was the green bean so popular at the party? Because it was a real social pea!
45. What kind of bean is closest to a cat? A garbanzo bean!
46. How do you fix a broken bean? With a band-aid!
47. What do you call a bean from outer space? An astro-naut!
48. Why do beans make great scientists? They have lots of experiments!
49. Where do beans go on vacation? To Brussels, of course!
50. What’s a bean’s favorite park activity? Playing fris-pea!
Bean Puns
51. I tried dancing with beans but found I had two left feet, so I called it quits on that soy-lento night.
52. Never lie about beans, you’ll end up in a pickled situation if you do.
53. My doctor said eating more beans would give me more energy. Looks like I found the magical beans Jack always talked about!
54. Beans may cause musical side effects but we can work through any discomfort if we do it in harmony.
55. I spilled the beans during dinner and ended up in a heated debate over my loose lips.
56. That bean casserole was so good I almost succotashed the whole thing!
57. Beans, beans, they’re good for your heart. The more you eat, the more you impart their nutritional benefits in each and every bean filled bite!
58. I tried juggling beans but I just couldn’t keep up with all those garbanzos.
59. I was going to make a joke about beans but I chickpea’d out at the last second.
60. Never take beans for granted or you might end up in hot water when you need them most.
61. Bean there, done that, spilled the beans and now I’m buying more at the store to make up for my mistake.
62. Don’t cry over spilled beans, just clean them up and carry on with your day!
Bean One-Liners
63. Bean here for years and years.
64. You can’t spell “beans” without “E”.
65. Bean up all night writing bean puns.
66. If you can’t bean ’em, join ’em.
67. Beanie baby.
68. Bean in doubt? Eat more beans.
69. Beanut brittle.
70. Bean you, been me.
71. Frankly, my beans, I don’t give a hoot.
72. Bean machine.
73. Beanie weenies.
Best Bean Jokes
74. Why don’t beans ever feel left out? Because they’re part of succotash!
75. Why did the green beans get detention? For stringing along the teacher!
76. What’s a bean’s favorite hobby? Photography! They love being in the snap pea!
77. How do you know when a bean is getting old? It’s a has-bean!
78. What did the jelly bean say when it was sad? I’m feeling blue.
79. Why couldn’t the bean comedian tell any jokes? Because he had stage fright!
80. How do beans stay healthy? They get their daily dose of Vitamin-C!
81. Where do baby beans come from? The stork brings them in his beak.
82. What did the daddy bean say to the baby bean? You’re just so adorable!
83. Why was the green bean’s sister annoyed? Because it was a mean green bean!
84. How do beans get cleaned up? They take a navy bean!
85. What’s a bean’s favorite book genre? Mystery novels!
86. Why didn’t the baked bean want any friends? It was a lone ranger!
87. How do beans get around town? On their bean machines!
88. Why was the string bean feeling sad? It wanted to be a lima bean!
89. What did the green bean say to the yellow bean? Your tan looks great!
90. Why are beans so bad at keeping secrets? Because they always spill the beans!
91. Why was the ref mad during the beanbag tournament? There was tons of unsportsmanlike conduct!
92. What does a bean say when it sneezes? Achoohoo!
93. Why was the baked bean so arrogant? It thought it was the smartest in the can!
94. Why was the green bean depressed? It was in a pickle!
95. Why didn’t the bean want a job? It didn’t want to work!
96. How do you know when a bean is getting old? It becomes a has-bean!
97. Why was the bean struggling in art class? It couldn’t draw well!
98. Why was the chili bean feeling hot? It was getting spicy!
99. What do you get if you cross a bean with a snowman? Frost-bite!
100. Why did the beans go to Hollywood? They wanted to be in the movies!
101. What do you call a psychic little bean? A four-bean teller!
102. Why did the bean eat too much at Thanksgiving? It couldn’t stop gobbling!
103. How does a bean fight crime? By being a superbean!
104. Why don’t beans eat dessert? They’re watching their sugar intake!
