Batteries Puns
1. I tried to start my car but the battery was dead. It just didn’t have the current to go on.
2. Our band is called the Rechargers. We mostly play acoustic sets though, since electric needs too much power.
3. The energizer bunny was arrested and charged with battery.
4. I was going to tell a joke about alkaline batteries, but Na, I won’t bother.
5. The batteries started fighting and it got out of control. It was complete pandemonium.
6. I entered my cat in a battery judging contest. He won first prize for best AAA.
7. I tried to grab the last D battery but some guy snatched it first and started running away. I yelled “Hey come back, that’s a D cell!”
8. Our clocks stopped working because the batteries died. It seems time has run out.
9. The energizer bunny got a divorce. They weren’t the perfect match.
10. I was going to make a battery pun but decided to just let it go.
11. What do you call a snake that’s powered by batteries? A Viper.
12. Why did the battery go to therapy? It needed to work through some issues.
13. Why was the alkaline battery so sad? It had lost an electron and was feeling negative.
14. What do you call it when batteries conspire to do something illegal? Conspiracy to commit battery.
15. My friend got electrocuted trying to steal batteries at the store. Serves him right for conducting himself badly.
16. Did you hear about the guy who stole a whole shipment of AA batteries? The cops are looking to charge him.
17. Did you hear about the guy who hoards batteries? The cops want to charge him.
18. Why are alkaline batteries never lonely? They always have company.
19. Why did the battery go to the doctor? Because it was lacking energy.
20. Why was the battery feeling drained? It had been overworked without being recharged.
Batteries One-Liners
21. I was going to tell a joke about batteries but I decided to keep it charged for later.
22. Batteries not included? What a ripoff!
23. My friend said “Let’s swap batteries” – apparently that means fight now.
24. I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
25. A termite walks into a bar and asks “Is the bar tender here?”
26. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
27. She had a photographic memory but never developed it.
28. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
29. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
30. A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.
31. The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. It doesn’t make cents!
32. I’m reading a great book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
33. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
34. Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet.
35. We were early to the picnic so we had first dibs on everything.
36. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
37. I’m emotionally constipated. I can’t give a crap.
38. Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.
39. My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
40. Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
Best Batteries Jokes
41. My friend asked me why I carry around a battery pack everywhere I go. I told him it’s my backup plan.
42. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
43. I entered the room and immediately forgot why I went in there. It was at the tip of my tongue. Ahh yes…amnesia!
44. I told my car battery joke to my friend but he didn’t crack a smile. He said it needed recharging before it would be funny.
45. What did the battery say to the other battery? Let’s get amped!
46. Why was the battery feeling down? He was going through a rough patch.
47. Did you hear about the battery that was assimilated into the robot collective? He was recharged.
48. Why do lithium batteries make such great dancers? They have amazing flow.
49. My friend got so electrocuted when his phone battery exploded, he’s currently unable to conduct himself properly in public.
50. I told my alkaline battery joke to my friend. He said “Man, that’s pretty base humor.”
51. Did you hear about the new battery-powered car? It charges down the road.
52. I saw a buddy at the store so I went up to him and said “Hey,long time no battery!”
53. Why did the Energizer bunny get arrested? He was charged with battery.
54. Did you hear about the battery that ran in the election? It had a strong charge in the polls.
55. Why did the battery go to therapy? It was having a lot of issues that needed sorting out.
56. Did you hear about the battery that escaped from prison? Yeah, he has outstanding voltage.
57. Why do parents love giving their kids battery-powered toys? Eventually they exhaust the kids.
58. Did you hear about the new alkaline battery car? It’s got an incredible pH balance.
59. I saw my buddy at the store earlier and yelled out “Hey, long time no battery!”
60. Did you hear about the Energizer Bunny? He was charged with battery.
61. Why was the battery feeling down? He was going through a rough patch.
62. Did you hear about the battery that escaped from prison? Yeah, he has outstanding voltage.
63. I told my friend a joke about a car battery. He said I need to recharge it before telling it again.
64. Why did the battery go to therapy? It needed to work through some issues.
65. Why was the alkaline battery depressed? It had lost an electron and was feeling negative.
66. Did you hear about the battery thief? The cops are looking to charge him.
67. I tried to grab the last D battery but someone snatched it and ran off. I yelled “Hey, come back, that’s a D cell!”
68. Why do lithium batteries make great dancers? They have amazing flow.
69. My friend got electrocuted when his phone battery exploded. Now he can’t conduct himself in public.
70. I told my friend an alkaline battery joke. He said “That’s pretty base humor.”
71. What do you call a battery powered snake? A Viper.
72. How does a baby battery call its father? Dadium.
73. Why do batteries make bad boyfriends? They’re full of negative energy.
74. Two alkaline batteries decided to get married. The wedding was pretty basic.
75. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
76. Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
77. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
78. The energizer bunny was arrested and charged with battery.
79. I would tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
80. I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
81. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
82. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
83. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
84. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
85. My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad I had to take his bike away.
86. I’m so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed.
87. My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
88. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
89. Don’t trust atoms – they make up everything.
90. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.