Bath mat Puns (10)
- I bought a bath mat that looks like a giant spider. You should have seen my wife when she stepped on it! She nearly hit the ceiling.
- My bath mat is so dirty, I think it needs its own bath mat.
- Did you hear about the thief who only steals bath mats? The police want to catch him but he always slips away.
- Why don’t ghosts use bath mats? Because they go right through them!
- What do you call a bath mat that protects your identity? An in-cog-nito rug!
- The bath mat factory had to close down. It seems they couldn’t get a grip on things.
- I ordered a custom monogrammed bath mat but they spelled my name wrong. It was a gross mis-rug-presentation.
- Did you hear about the bath mat that was awarded a PhD? It graduated with high dis-towel honors.
- My bath mat talked back to me today. I think it has too much tile left.
- I was going to buy a heated bath mat but couldn’t find the power cord. I guess it wasn’t in-floor-mation I needed.
Bath mat One-Liners (10)
- My bath mat is so old, it belongs in a museum.
- I accidentally bought a bath mat lined with cactuses – talk about prickly!
- Don’t use the bath mat to clean up spills, that’s what they made paper towels for.
- I got my toe stuck in a hole in my bath mat and tripped – talk about getting floored!
- After a few washes, my bath mat lost all its non-slip – now it’s just a slip.
- I ordered a heated bath mat but didn’t read the manual – nearly burned my feet off!
- Make sure to regularly wash your bath mat – a dirty rug is no one’s friend.
- My dog likes to steal my bath mat. I guess you could say he has expensive taste!
- I keep finding cat hair woven into my bath mat – the shedding struggle is real.
- Getting out of the shower onto a warm bath mat feels heavenly underfoot.
Best Bath mat Jokes (39)
12. My wife put a fuzzy new lavender bath mat in our bathroom and asked me how I liked it.
“It looks great,” I said. “But how is it going to fit in the washing machine?”
My wife just stared at me blankly. Someday I’ll figure out you apparently don’t wash bath mats the same way you wash towels!
13. Last week, I slipped on my bath mat getting out of the shower and grabbed onto the shower curtain to catch myself.
Apparently that cheap plastic curtain wasn’t strong enough to hold me up. The rod came crashing down and I ended up on my back, all tangled up in the curtain, lying on my bath mat in the nude!
My wife came running at the sound. “Hi honey, I’m…uh…just hanging out,” I said, trying to make light of the situation. She was not amused!
14. When I was a kid, my siblings and I were fighting over who got the bath mat with the most cushioning.
My dad got so fed up he took away all the bath mats for a week and made us step onto the bare tile when we got out of the shower to “toughen us up.”
Let’s just say after a few days dancing around on cold, hard tile, we learned to share without fighting!
15. Last night my puppy got some late night zoomies and snatched up my bath mat, dragging it all over the house.
This morning I found bits of sopping wet fluff in every room. That little furball sure loves her tug of war games, even if it’s with my brand new memory foam bath mat!
I guess it’s back to chilly tiles for me until I buy a new one.
16. I recently stayed at a fancy hotel and they had the plushest bath mat I’ve ever stepped on outside the shower.
It was so soft and cushy that I kind of didn’t want to leave the bathroom. I just stood there moving my feet around, squishing my toes into the supple terrycloth loops.
After a few minutes my wife poked her head in the bathroom and looked at me like I was crazy. Hey, I can’t be the first guest tempted to steal one of those sublime bath mats!
17. The other day I spilled coffee all over our light colored bath mat first thing in the morning.
My wife didn’t notice until she stepped onto the sopping wet rug and felt her toes squish into the carpet. She shrieked and nearly lost her balance before realizing it was just coffee, not something worse.
Suffice to say, I’m on bath mat laundry duty the rest of the month!
18. I recently came to the disturbing realization that all the gross gunk from the shower and tub drips onto the bath mat…and then I rub my clean feet all over it when I get out of the shower!
Now I can’t stop thinking about it every time I set foot on ours. I’m strongly considering going back to air drying instead. Ignorance really is bliss sometimes.
19. Overheard my kids negotiating bath mat privileges last night.
My older one told the little one she could have the bath mat for her post-bath exit tonight, but only if she lets her pick first for pillows at bedtime. Gotta respect her strategic bartering skills!
I did have to intervene when the negotiation turned to bribing with extra dessert though. Nice try kiddos!
20. We got a new puppy recently who seems to think my wife’s bath mat is his own personal face towel.
Every time my wife takes a shower, when she steps onto the mat the pup bounds in and starts rolling all over it, nuzzling his face on the damp terrycloth loops.
Guess we know who CLAIMed that bath mat for their own personal use!
21. When I was shopping for a new bath mat, I came across one that said it used “space age technology” to keep it clean.
Imagining a bath mat covered in tiny jet engines or anti-gravity hover tech, I eagerly opened the box when I got home only to find…a normal-looking mat in silver color.
Felt pretty dumb realizing “space age technology” just referred to its antimicrobial silver fibers. My sci-fi bath mat dreams dashed!
22. Bought my daughter a cute new bath mat covered in mermaids, hoping it would inspire more enthusiastic bath time routines.
But when I tried to hang it up, the suction cups wouldn’t stick to our porcelain tile. After multiple attempts and some choice words on my part, my daughter looked at me and said:
“I think the mermaids don’t want to be stuck to the wall.” Can’t argue with that logic!
23. Whenever I wash the bath mat, the loops come out all sproingy and the mat gets super thick and fluffy.
My toddler likes to sneak in right after it finishes drying and flatten himself out spread eagle right on top of it, smooshing it back down flat in the process.
We’ve named it the “bath mat squish game” and I’ve just accepted my bath mat will now live a perpetually smushed life.
24. Bought my elderly mom a warm, cushy memory foam bath mat so she’d stop slipping getting out of the tub.
A few weeks later she called me confused why her new “gray rug” was suddenly light blue. That’s when I realized she’d mistaken it for an area rug and dragged it into the living room.
25. Caught my son teetering on our non-slip bath mat, water dripping everywhere, trying to peek inside the medicine cabinet.
“Uh, whatcha looking for?” I asked.
“Just seeing if there’s anything good in there,” he replied, as if this was a perfectly normal post-tub activity.
Apparently I need to childproof the bath mat along with everything else!
26. Overheard my wife on the phone with her sister, gossiping about our friends’ ugly bath mat.
“It’s this awful puke green color with brown stains and tattered edges,” she complained.
“Why were you inspecting their bath mat so closely?” I asked later. She shrugged. Can’t stop that sisters’ gossip train once it gets rolling!
27. Caught my son balancing our elderly labrador retriever precariously on the bath mat the other day.
He was trying to scrub the dog’s muddy paws off while keeping him contained on the mat. Key word being “trying” – two seconds later the dog scrambled off in a shower of bath mat fuzz and dirt clods.
Back to square one with the muddy paw scenario!
28. Made the mistake of letting my kids pick out a new bath mat. They chose one with a giant angry-looking shark face on it.
Now whenever I step onto its toothy grin after a shower I feel like I’m getting eaten. I swear its beady little eyes follow me as I get ready.
Next time boring solids only – no more quirky wildlife bath mats in this house!
29. Accidentally dyed my favorite cushy white bath mat bright pink when a red sock got mixed in with the laundry.
My very masculine father-in-law is staying with us this week. This morning he Came out of the guest bath with the hot pink rug all bundled up asking “Uh, do you think we could maybe go pick out a new bath mat today?”
Pretty sure I glimpsed the offending pink accessory peeking out of the trash can later too!
30. Last week the edge of the bath mat got stuck inside the dryer door and shredded a good chunk right off. Dragging the tattered mat to the trash, I realized it was almost 15 years old.
When I pointed this out to my wife, she remarked “Wow, I guess it really rose to the occasion!” Then we both groaned at the truly awful pun. But hey, nothing wrong with bath mat humor!
31. My wife stepped on the bath mat this morning and almost took a header onto the tile thanks to a strategically planted Lego tower built by my darling children to snare unsuspecting victims.
After the screams died down, I asked “scale of 1-10, how much pain?” Glaring up from the floor, she fired back “I’d give that bath mat trap 11 out of 10 for effectiveness!”
The kids, of course, thought mom skidding across the bath mat was absolutely hilarious.
32. Overheard the new kitten meowing pitifully the other night. Found her tucked into a tight doughnut shape, shivering on top of the bath mat next to the heat vent.
Picked her up to warm her with cuddles and got a reluctant meow in return – I swear she was protesting the removal from her cozy new nighttime bath mat nest!
33. Accidentally left my favorite bath towel hanging over the edge of the tub and somehow didn’t notice until…squish!
Got out of the shower to find my towel sopping wet in a puddle spreading across the once fluffy bath mat. Nothing like soaked fabric between the toes first thing in the morning!
34. Was washing the bathroom rugs and found a weird lump in the bath mat. Shook it out to discover half a bagel, several cubes of cheese, and a handful of crackers piled on top of the other rug.
No doubt the stash came courtesy of my kids, who apparently thought inside the bath mat was a brilliant hiding spot. Until I foiled their secret snack plot, that is!
35. My great aunt loves knitting poofy cotton bath mats for everyone in colorful stripes and zigzag patterns.
They shed like crazy in the wash but we dutifully put them out anyway so as not to hurt her feelings, while our sleek store bought memory foam mats remain hidden away in the closet. Family, right?
36. Found my husband balancing on one foot in the tub, reaching OUT to try scrubbing spots on the wall “before they set in and get harder to clean later.”
I cautioned “just be careful not to-” and was interrupted by a loud thud and “OOMPH!” as he toppled over the edge, dragging the bath mat and shower curtain down with him. “…fall” I finished lamely.
37. Overheard my preschooler dictating a story to herself in the bath tonight.
“Once there was a magical bath mat who could transport ANYONE who stepped on it into a fairytale world!” she narrated dramatically.
Then she paused and added “…but they had to be careful not to drip water so they didn’t slip off!” Gotta work out those plot holes, lol!
38. Accidentally stepped on the corner of the bath mat getting out of the shower and took a nasty tumble, nearly cracking my head on the toilet.
My husband came running at the crashes and thuds. Seeing the askew bath mat he shook his head and said “let me guess – the old bath mat crocodile death roll?”
It’s a scary recurring phenomenon but I have to admit the name he coined has me chuckling even as I pick myself off the tile!
39. Caught my teenagers microwaving sliced American cheese on top of the bath mat, using it like a plate.
Over my shocked protests about melted plastic and ruined terrycloth, my son explained very logically “It was just easier to carry over to the couch this way.” Ah, teenage logic!
Looked like I’d be moving up my bath mat replacement schedule after all.
