Basketball Puns
1. I went to a boxing match that turned into a basketball game. It was quite the punch and shoot.
2. Did you hear about the basketball player who was caught stealing clocks? He was charged with grand larceny on the time.
3. The basketball team brought their own food to the potluck. They provided the pic and rolls.
4. The point guard was feeling hungry during the game. He decided to grab a quick pick and roll.
5. The basketball team was sponsored by a clock company. They were known for their timely shots.
6. The basketball player couldn’t afford his water bill. It was due to his excessive dribbling.
7. The player was bench pressed for lying down during the game. He wasn’t making the cut.
8. The basketball team practiced layups to prepare for their team nap. They wanted to get their z’s.
9. The NBA player was voted most valuable. He was the real MVPee.
10. The basketball player invested in bath toys for kids. It allowed him to dive into the rubber ducky business.
Basketball One-Liners
11. I used to have a basketball addiction, but don’t worry, I’ve gotten over the ball.
12. They say basketball players are known for their fancy footwork, but have you seen their hands?
13. Basketball players are surprisingly down to earth for people who spend their time in the clouds.
14. I heard the basketball player turned into a real farmer after retirement. Now he handles all kinds of crops.
15. The basketball team brought their coach an expensive present. It was the thot that counted.
16. Did you hear about the shoemaker who became a professional basketball player? He really stepped up his game.
17. I asked my tall friend if he wanted to be a basketball player. He said no thanks, he’ll just stick to his roots.
18. Basketball players get paid millions of dollars to run back and forth for a few hours. Man, I’m in the wrong field.
19. Becoming an NBA player takes skill. Remaining an NBA player takes conditioning, discipline and a good pharmacist.
20. I tried out for the basketball team but didn’t make the cut. The coach said I was lacking courtsmanship.
Best Basketball Jokes
21. What do you call twin basketball players? Pair-a-diddles!
Once there were twin brothers named Paracelsus and Paraclesis who excelled at basketball from a young age. Their coordination and teamwork on the court was unparalleled, astounding spectators and fellow players alike. Soon the twins earned the nickname “Pair-a-diddles” for their skill at passing and dribbling in sync. As the brothers went on to dominate youth leagues and eventually earned basketball scholarships, the moniker stuck. To this day, Paracelsus and Paraclesis are regarded as two of the best sibling basketball players of all time.
22. How does a basketball player stay cool during a game? They stand near their fans!
It’s no secret that basketball involves a whole lot of running up and down the court. With so much physical exertion, players can get hot and start sweating buckets during games. That’s why savvy players know to position themselves near the sidelines when they need to cool down. By standing next to the bleachers full of cheering fans, they can catch the breeze from all that clapping and stay refreshed. It may just look like they’re interacting with the crowd, but they’re actually using them as personal air conditioners! Of course, a strategic towel wipe-down or splash of cold water from the cooler also helps beat the heat. Staying cool under pressure is all part of mastering the game.
23. Why can’t basketball players go on vacation? They aren’t allowed to travel!
In basketball, traveling is when a player illegally moves their pivot foot without dribbling the ball. This common violation frustrates players to no end, as it results in a turnover. That’s why, with all the traveling they do on the court, basketball players don’t actually go on vacation much. They spend so much time anxiously avoiding traveling in games that they don’t want to deal with it off the court! Given how precious downtime is during the season, they’re not trying to relax on a beach somewhere just to get called for traveling yet again. The exception is veteran players who’ve finally learned to leave the no-travel rules on the hardwood. But rookies certainly aren’t going anywhere besides team hotels and the practice facility. No trips to the Bahamas for them!
24. Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball!
Cinderella had a promising future as the star point guard for her middle school basketball team. That is, until they reached the championship game. Up by one point in the final seconds, Cinderella had possession of the ball. Instead of holding onto it to run out the clock like her coach instructed, she panicked and threw the ball down the court, allowing the other team to gain possession and score just before the buzzer. Her teammates were furious that she literally ran away from the ball when it mattered most. Though Cinderella tried to apologize and explain she cracked under the pressure, the damage was done. The coach kicked her off the team for choking in the clutch. She went from playing like a champion to cleaning like a maid. That’s what happens when you run away at the last minute instead of facing the ball!
25. Why did the basketball player go to the eye doctor? To improve his shooting percentage!
Leroy was an aspiring young basketball player with dreams of making varsity next year. He stayed late after every practice to work on his jump shot, but his accuracy just wasn’t improving. No matter how many shots he took, he could never make more than 30% of them. Desperate to increase his shooting percentage, Leroy decided to go to the eye doctor and get his vision checked. Turns out he was nearsighted and couldn’t see the hoop clearly from long range! Once he got a pair of glasses, his shooting skills improved immediately. Now he could actually see the rim before firing off a shot. At tryouts next season, Leroy drained eight three-pointers in a row to land a spot as a starter. He learned the hard way that good vision is key for a shooter! Now he tells all his teammates to get their eyes checked regularly.
26. Why was the basketball player a great detective? He knew how to pickup clues!
Jerome “Hawk Eye” Henderson earned his nickname for his uncanny court vision and ability to read plays. What his fellow players didn’t know was that Hawk Eye also had a passion for solving mysteries. He poured over case files and forensic evidence in his free time. When a rash of robberies hit the neighborhood, Henderson decided to put his sleuthing skills to the test. Using his keen eye for details, he noticed subtle clues at the crime scenes overlooked by detectives. Tiny scuff marks and fabric snags allowed him to pickup the perpetrators’ trail. Tracking the evidence across town ultimately led him to nab the thieves. Turns out that hawk eye vision works great on the basketball court and crime scene! His teammates were astonished at Henderson’s secret talent. Who knew that grabbing rebounds and stealing passes could translate into grabbing crooks and stealing back stolen goods? From now on, they affectionately call him “Detective Eye” off the court.
27. Why do basketball players get locked out of their hotel rooms? They pass out before they can make keys!
After a grueling road game that went into triple overtime, the basketball team desperately wanted to get some rest at the hotel. But when staggering exhausted players arrived at their rooms, they realized there was a problem – they’d left their key cards down at the front desk! Gathering the energy to go all the way back downstairs seemed impossible. The coach found half his squad slumped against the hallway walls, snoring away. With no choice left, he had to call the hotel manager to make universal keys and unlock each door. The reason for this mishap? Utter fatigue. Basketball requires incredible stamina, and these athletes were wiped. They passed out on their feet before even entering their rooms! Next time, the coach knows he needs to hold onto the keys and personally tuck his players in after a late night game. Otherwise, they’re liable to fall asleep standing as soon as they step off the team bus.
28. A basketball player, soccer player and football player walk into a bar. Who buys the first round? The basketball player – he’s the only one with quarters!
After finishing up a long day of intramural sports, Jason, Miguel and Devon decided to meet up and grab a drink together. The three friends played basketball, soccer and football respectively for their college teams. When they arrived at the bar, it was time to start the age-old debate over which sport was better. But first came an even more important question – who would buy the first round of drinks? Jason the basketball player immediately volunteered, digging into his gym shorts pocket. He slapped $10 worth of quarters down on the counter, to the amusement of Miguel and Devon. They ribbed him good-naturedly about always having loose change on hand at the end of a game. With all those ball-handling drills, basketball players’ hands were brimming with quarters! Jason took the teasing in stride and told them the first IPA was on him. Though they played different sports, when it came time to socialize over some cold ones, team spirit prevailed.
29. Why do basketball fans get to games early? To catch the tip-off!
Elaine was a die-hard fan of her college basketball team. She never missed a home game and was always sure to arrive an hour early to get a courtside seat. Her friends couldn’t understand why Elaine insisted on getting there so early when the action didn’t really start until midway through the first half. Elaine explained that she didn’t want to miss the opening tip-off! The start of the game was full of anticipation and set the tone for the rest of the night. She loved to watch the two centers leap up and battle for control, then cheer however gained first possession. Sometimes the home team would even run tricky set plays off the tip. Arriving late meant missing out on all that excitement! For Elaine, you had to be there from the very beginning to fully appreciate the game. She often wished she could tailgate in the parking lot to really catch the pre-game buzz. That opening tip was the basketball fan’s version of a crack of the bat – and she never wanted to miss it!
30. Why was the basketball player so happy? He just made his first dunk shot!
Andre was the shortest guy on his middle school’s basketball team, standing at just 5 feet 4 inches. Though he was quick on his feet and handled the ball well, he felt frustrated game after game. No matter how high he jumped or how much he reached his arm over the rim, Andre could never dunk like his taller teammates. A string of air balls and blocked attempts left his spirits sinking. But Andre was determined, staying late after each practice to work on his vertical leap. He practiced the approach run full speed, leapt up with knees high, and slammed the ball through the net. After weeks of trying, he finally succeeded! The excited look on Andre’s face said it all – the joy and pride of that very first dunk shot. Now he realized that with enough persistence and effort, he didn’t have to be the tallest player to get airborne. Andre had mastered his own vertical game. For a kid once grounded, he now felt like he was soaring.
31. Why do basketball players eat cereal straight from the box? They like to have their bowl in hand!
Michelle’s roommate Sam was a college basketball player notorious for raiding their snack cupboard. No matter how much Michelle protested, he always grabbed handfuls of her cereal to munch on. She’d come home and find Sam on the couch, watching ESPN highlights while pouring Fruit Loops straight from the box into his mouth. Didn’t he know how to pour a bowl? Sam explained that he preferred keeping one hand free while snacking. As a ball player, having a bowl took away his ability to properly handle an imaginary ball! Years of passing, dribbling and shooting formed a habit not easily broken. He needed his hands ready at all times, just in case. When Michelle saw him pretending to dribble a mini basketball between cereal bites, she couldn’t help but laugh. Next time she caught Sam snacking box-first, she made sure to toss him a foam ball. Who said you needed to choose between good handles and balanced meals?
32. Why was the basketball player having trouble breathing? There was an oxygen player denying him!
As Pete jogged up court during a crucial playoff game, he suddenly became short of breath and light-headed. It took all his energy just to keep running back and forth, leaving none for shooting or rebounding. The coach had to pull Pete out of the game because his wheezing drowned out the home crowd. Turns out the other team’s power forward was shadowing Pete the whole time, constantly waving his long arms to block Pete’s access to fresh air! This 6’10” shot block machine was now suffocating him on the oxygen front as well, denying him easy breathing room. The fans nicknamed him the “oxygen player” for smothering opponents with relentless defense. Pete had to drink an entire Gatorade cooler just to get replenished. After that, he made sure to pump extra oxygen on the bench between plays. Who knew a stuffy man-to-man press could be this dangerously effective? Pete and his lungs learned the hard way.
33. Why was the basketball player scared while serving food? He was afraid of being turnovers!
Darius recently started a summer job bussing tables at a local restaurant to earn some extra cash. Though he felt confident cleaning up dirty dishes, he always got nervous whenever he had to carry loaded serving trays. Darius would juggle heaping plates of food through the dining room, stressed about accidentally dropping something. As an aspiring basketball player, he hated any kind of turnover! Spilling food or drink right in the customer’s lap was the equivalent of getting stripped on the court. His worst fear was stumbling and unleashing an entrée avalanche onto people’s laps. Darius practiced balancing weighted trays at home to become a turnover pro. Still, he held each tray extra steady with his large hands just to be safe. Darius might have a stellar handle on the hardwood, but trays were his biggest weakness. At least there were no opposing defenders trying to intentionally knock them out of his hands! That made bussing tables a little less stressful.
34. What is a basketball player’s favorite kind of soda? Slam dunkin’ Mountain Dew!
Basketball players need to stay hydrated during all those intense practices and games. Many opt for sports drinks like Gatorade or Powerade to replenish their electrolytes. But when the team is hanging out after a big win, they might induldge in drinking a little soda pop. What’s the carbonated beverage of choice among basketball fans? For many, it’s Mountain Dew! The neon green soda packs a big caffeine punch to get you hyped up for a game, similar to the effect of dunking on your opponent. Some basketball obsessed teens even fill their fridges with cases of Dew before tournaments. The drink just seems to energize slam dunking good times! Though chugging soda isn’t the healthiest habit for athletes, an occasional Mountain Dew can be the perfect treat. After all, what could go better together than Dew’s exhilarating flavor and the adrenaline rush of an epic dunk? Now if only they could make a Slam Dunk Dew in basketball orange flavor to fully embrace the branding.
35. Why did the basketball keep getting stolen? It didn’t have good ball security!
Wilson was the most popular basketball in the local youth rec league, getting picked first for every game. But lately Wilson had noticed the other team stealing him more and more often. Suddenly it seemed like every possession ended with him getting swiped away into the opponent’s hands! Wilson was letting players yank him out of the air or get tapped out from under him when he bounced. He realized his ball security was not tight enough. So at the next practice, Wilson asked the point guard to really grip him with fingers spread wide and his middle seam aligned straight up and down in the hand. He focused on making smooth transfers and keeping steady control throughout the dribble. The extra effort paid off – Wilson didn’t get stolen nearly as often anymore! While it hurt his leather hide at first, he was thankful for the tough ball-handling drills. A few scuff marks were a small price to pay to maintain possession. Wilson just had to keep his seams tight and head up to avoid turnovers.
36. Why was the basketball team worried at the hotel? Their victory was up in the air!
After winning a long away game, the Bluebirds basketball team was exhausted and wanted to get some rest at their hotel. But when they arrived in the lobby, the players were told some startling news: all the rooms were located on high floors they’d have to access via the elevator, which was currently broken! The team stared in disbelief at the OUT OF ORDER signs and emergency stairwell. Trudging up
