Baseball Puns
1. I tried to catch fog yesterday, but I mist.
2. What do you call a nosy pepper? Jalapeño business!
3. Why does a moon-rock taste better than an earth-rock? Because it’s a little meteor.
4. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
5. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels!
6. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
7. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
8. What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
9. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
10. What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
11. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
12. What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese!
13. I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn’t find a manual.
14. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
15. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
Baseball One-Liners
16. Why do baseball managers wear uniforms? To show the team they’re in the same ball game!
17. What has 18 legs and catches flies? A baseball team!
18. What’s the difference between a baseball field and a magician? One has a pitcher, the other has a pitchure!
19. Why can’t Cinderella play baseball? She ran away from the ball!
20. Why did the baseball player get arrested? He was caught stealing!
21. What’s the difference between a baseball player and a jazz musician? A baseball player plays nine innings, while a jazz musician plays nine instrumentals!
22. Why did the batter bring extra pants to the game? In case he got a hole in one!
23. Why do baseball players stay at fancy hotels? Because every base has a ballroom!
24. What has two legs, a roof, and catches creeps? The Chicago Cubs dugout!
25. Why do baseball players wear cups? To protect their balls while running the bases!
Best Baseball Jokes
26. Three baseball fans die and go to heaven. At the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them, “We have a special offer today. If you can tell me who you are and what you did on Earth, I’ll let you into heaven right now.”
The first fan steps up and says, “My name’s Mike and I went to over 100 baseball games in my life.”
St. Peter nods and lets him into heaven.
The second fan says, “My name’s Gary and I went to 50 baseball games in my life.”
St. Peter lets him into heaven too.
The third fan steps up and proudly declares, “My name’s Ron and I never missed a single inning of a baseball game on TV in 10 years.”
St. Peter shakes his head and replies, “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to go to hell.”
Ron is shocked and asks, “What? Why?”
St. Peter shrugs and says, “You should’ve gone to some of those games in person!”
27. Little Johnny was practicing throwing and catching baseballs in his front yard when his dad pulled up in his new car. Johnny accidentally threw the ball through the car’s open window and it hit his dad in the nose.
“Ow! My nose!” yelled his dad.
“Don’t worry Dad,” said Johnny. “At least I have a good arm!”
28. Bob came home from his little league game and announced, “I got walked 4 times today!”
“Four walks? That’s great! What did you do?” asked his mom.
“I went and sat down,” replied Bob.
29. Little Johnny was playing his first baseball game and got up for his turn to bat. The pitcher threw him the ball and Johnny just stood there staring at it as it went by for a strike.
The umpire went out to talk to Johnny and asked, “Son, why didn’t you swing at that?”
Johnny looked up at the ump confused and said, “Because I can’t hit the ball until I hear someone say ‘Swing, batter!'”
30. Billy came home crying after his very first baseball game. His mom asked what was wrong.
“The coach yelled at me for throwing the bat after I hit the ball,” sobbed Billy.
“Well, Billy, you shouldn’t throw the bat,” said his mom.
“I know,” said Billy. “But I couldn’t help it. Right after I hit the ball, the bat got in my way when I tried to run to first base!”
31. Little Johnny loved baseball, but he was always striking out. One game, his coach pulled him aside and said, “Johnny, you need to keep your eye on the ball.”
The next time Johnny was up at bat, he kept chanting, “Keep your eye on the ball, keep your eye on the ball!”
The pitcher threw the ball and Johnny swung the bat. When the ball bounced off Johnny’s head, the coach yelled, “Johnny! I said keep your eye on the ball, not your ear!”
32. Billy’s baseball team was behind by two runs in the last inning. The bases were loaded with two outs when Billy came up to bat. The coach called a time-out and said to Billy, “Alright Billy, this is it. Just stay relaxed and keep your eye on the ball. Got it?”
Billy nodded. The pitcher threw the ball and Billy swung as hard as he could. He missed by a mile.
“Strike one!” yelled the umpire.
The pitcher threw again and once more, Billy swung wildly but didn’t come close to the ball.
“Strike two!”
The pitcher lobbed one more easy pitch over the plate and Billy did not swing at all.
“Strike three! You’re out!” yelled the umpire.
As Billy walked dejectedly back to the dugout, his coach stopped him and asked, “Billy, why didn’t you swing at that last pitch? It was right over the plate!”
Billy looked up and said, “Coach, you told me to keep my eye on the ball so I was just watching it go by!”
Baseball Puns
33. What does a baseball team do when their stadium is flooded? They play in wader parks.
34. Why don’t ants go to baseball games? Because it takes them a day to get through a single period.
35. Did you hear about the baseball player who was injured crossing the road? He didn’t judge the pitcher traffic.
36. Why did the baseball coach go to the bank? To get his pitcher’s interest.
37. How does a baseball player stay cool in summer? They sit by their fans.
38. Why was the baseball player so good at poker? He had dealt with a full count before.
39. Why do baseball players make excellent car salesmen? Because they know how to pitch.
40. What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear.
41. What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador.
42. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
Baseball One-Liners
43. Why don’t lobsters share? Because they’re shellfish.
44. What award did the dentist receive? A little plaque.
45. Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
46. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
47. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
48. Which U.S. state is famous for its extra small soft drinks? Minnesota.
49. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine.
50. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
Best Baseball Jokes
51. Little Johnny loved baseball, but he could never remember all the rules. One day, he asked his coach to explain what all the lines on the field meant.
“Okay Johnny, I’ll explain it to you,” said the coach. “You see the line between the bases? That’s called the baseline.”
“Oh, so that’s the baseline!” said Johnny. “Then what about that arc around home plate?”
“That’s the batter’s box,” explained the coach.
Johnny nodded excitedly. “Got it, coach! So the batter stands in the batter’s box and runs along the baseline! Makes sense now. But wait, what about that big rectangle in the outfield?”
The coach chuckled and said, “That’s just the warning track.”
“I see, I see,” said Johnny thoughtfully. “So if the batter hits the ball into the warning track, he has to stop and listen to a warning before running any farther!”
52. Little Johnny’s baseball team was getting crushed game after game. Concerned, his mom asked if he was even having any fun playing.
“Sure I am!” said Johnny. “The uniforms look cool, the snacks are great, and I get to hang out with friends. The only time I’m not having fun is when we have to go on the field.”
53. Billy loved baseball, but his throwing needed some work. One day his mom decided to take him out to the backyard and practice tossing and catching.
His mom gently lobbed the ball to Billy and said, “Alright honey, just catch the ball softly with both hands.”
Billy stuck his glove up, but the ball bounced right off it and rolled away.
“It’s okay sweetie, just go pick up the ball and toss it back to me gently,” encouraged his mom.
Billy picked up the ball, wound up with all his might, and hurled it as hard as he could. The ball whizzed past his mom’s head and shattered the back window.
His mom sighed and said, “Maybe we should work on catching first.”
54. Little Susie was playing baseball for the first time. When she got up to bat, the coach said, “Now Susie, keep your eye on the ball and swing hard in case you hit it.”
Susie nodded and got ready as the pitcher threw the first pitch. Susie swung as hard as she could but missed.
“Strike one!” yelled the umpire.
The pitcher threw again and Susie missed. “Strike two!”
Before the next pitch, the coach called time and went over to Susie. “You’ve got to keep your eye on the ball, okay Susie?”
“But coach,” said Susie, “you told me to keep my eye on the ball and swing hard. How can I do both at the same time?”
Baseball Puns
55. Why can’t you play baseball with pigs? They hog all the bases!
56. Why couldn’t the baseball player get a date to prom? He tried to steal second base.
57. Did you hear about the baseball player who stole second base and felt guilty? She had a change of heart and threw it back.
58. Why do baseball managers have to be good babysitters? They need to take good care of the team.