Bald Puns
1. I heard two bald men got into a fight. It was a battle of head-butts.
2. The bald man entered a hair stylist contest ironically. He didn’t have a strand of a chance.
3. Did you hear about the new TV show about bald people? It’s called No Hair Apparent.
4. I saw a bald eagle land on a bald man’s head today. What a nice matching set of landing strip and aircraft.
5. The bald man was so focused on polishing his head, he didn’t have time to comb over his problems.
6. The bald man wore a wig to a costume party and came as Mr. Clean.
7. The bald man used his head as a mirror to see his reflection. He was completely devoid of hair-raising experiences.
8. Why are frogs and bald men good friends? Because they’re both quite smooth and hairless.
9. The bald man entered a competition to win a lifetime supply of shampoo ironically. He didn’t stand a single strand of chance.
10. The bald man was so focused on maintaining his head, he didn’t have time to brush over his issues.
Bald One-Liners
11. I don’t have bald jokes. I have high forehead jokes.
12. Bald is beautiful. Bald is best. No hair? No sweat! No stress!
13. Bald and proud! Loving my chrome dome. Who needs hair when you shine so bright?
14. Bald like Mr. Clean. Shining bright, smooth and serene.
15. I’m not bald, I’m aerodynamic. Built for speed, slick as can be.
16. Bald men don’t get bad hair days. Lucky we don’t have to fret and fuss for perfect hair!
17. Bald men are solar powered. My head soaks up the sun’s rays all day.
18. No hair? No problem! Bald men have one less thing to worry about.
19. Bald guys don’t go gray. Silver fox? More like platinum dome!
20. Who needs hair when I’ve got such a smooth riding surface up top?
Best Bald Jokes
21. Jake was starting to go bald, so he went to the doctor to seek a solution. The doctor prescribed him a medication to help regrow his hair. A few months went by and Jake’s friend John saw him and was shocked to see a full head of hair. “I thought you were going bald, Jake! What happened?” Jake smiled and said, “I’m not bald, I’m just a little hair-thin on top!”
22. Bill was completely bald and very self-conscious about it. He started wearing bigger and bigger hats to hide his baldness. One day he wore an enormous sombrero to work. His coworker Jane saw him and started laughing hysterically. “Nice hat, Bill!” she chuckled. Bill frowned and mumbled “I’m not bald, I’m just follicly challenged.”
23. Malcolm was sensitive about his receding hairline. His friends loved to tease him about how he was going bald. One day they placed a dozen eggs on his head and laughed as the eggs started sliding off. Malcolm tried to keep a straight face and said, “Ha ha very funny. Yolk’s on you cause I’m not going bald, my hairline is just taking a step back to gather its thoughts.”
24. Martin looked at himself in the mirror and noticed a shiny bald spot growing on his head. He asked his wife, “Honey, are you sure my head reflects light because it’s so smooth and flawless? Or is it actually because I’m going bald?” His wife gently replied, “Sweetheart, your head is perfect no matter how much hair is or isn’t on it.” Martin smiled and said, “Nice try, but I’m still buying Rogaine today.”
25. Lenny was going bald fast. His friend Carl said, “Looks like your hairline is running away from your forehead.” Lenny laughed and responded, “Nah, my hair isn’t receding, it’s advancing in the opposite direction.”
26. Frank’s hair was thinning badly. His sister made fun of his bald spot and called him Kojak. Frank pretended to act offended and said, “I am not bald, I am simply growing a solar panel for a brain.”
27. Jim was very sensitive about his hair loss. Whenever someone made a bald joke around him, he would get quite angry. One day his co-worker Gary said, “Hey baldie, nice chrome dome!” Jim lost his cool and yelled, “I’m not balding, I’m just rearranging my follicles more thinly across the top of my head!”
28. Sam was going bald but was in denial about it. He insisted on styling the few wispy hairs he had left into an elaborate comb over. One day a bird landed on his head and tried to nest in his futile combover. His friend Sean chuckled and said, “Well at least that bird doesn’t think you’re balding!” Sam smoothed down his thin strands of hair and retorted, “That’s because I’m not balding, I’m just gravitationally challenged follicly.”
29. Brad was very sensitive about his receding hairline. At dinner one evening, his brother commented, “Your bald spot seems to be spreading faster than mold on bread.” Annoyed, Brad shot back, “I’m not going bald! My hair follicles are just becoming more selectively located.” His brother just laughed and flicked his luscious mane of hair.
30. Barry’s bald patch was growing rapidly. One day his friend Hank said, “Wow Barry, your dome is so shiny I can see my reflection!” Barry forced a smile and responded, “I’m not bald, I’m just aerating my scalp for better circulation.” Hank chuckled and patted Barry’s smooth pate.
31. Larry hated when people made jokes about his baldness. One day he overhead two co-workers whispering about his receding hairline. Larry interrupted them and declared, “Excuse me gentlemen, but I am not bald, I am simply curating a minimalist hairstyle.” The men tried to stifle their laughter as Larry walked away confidently.
32. Jerry’s bald spot was really noticeable. While out to dinner, his wife commented, “Honey, your head is so reflective, I can use it to check my lipstick.” Jerry frowned and retorted, “Making fun of baldness is insensitive. I’m not bald, my hair follicles are just becoming more selectively located.” His wife just smiled and blew him a kiss.
33. As Matt’s hairline receded, his friend Jacob remarked, “Got some solar panels installed up top I see!” Matt pretended not to hear the bald joke and responded, “No panels here, just strategically relocating follicles for better aerodynamics.” Jacob smiled and said, “If you say so chrome dome!” while giving Matt’s smooth pate a playful rub.
34. Kevin was going bald rapidly. While playing pool with friends, Tyler laughed and said, “Heads up Kev, you’re so shiny I can see the light reflecting off your dome!” Kevin forced a smile and retorted, “I’m not bald fellas, I’m simply reducing wind resistance for the pool shots.” His friends just chuckled and took another shot.
35. At a party, Alex noticed his friend Pete’s hair was thinning. He teased, “Pete you’re so bald, birds keep trying to land on your shiny head!” Pete pretended to ignore the bald joke and coolly replied, “Negative, I still have the same number of hairs, they are just more widely spaced for better scalp ventilation.”
36. Ron’s bald spot grew bigger every day. While cooking dinner, his wife joked, “Nice pot you’ve got there!” Ron frowned and rebutted, “Making fun of the bald is wrong. I’m not losing my hair, my follicles are just becoming more dynamic.” His wife smiled, gave him a kiss, and said, “It was just a joke honey.”
37. Mike’s hair was disappearing rapidly. His friend Neil quipped, “Hey Mike, you’re so bald a fly landed on your head and slipped!” Mike forced a chuckle and responded, “Not funny man. My hair isn’t receding, it’s just becoming sparser for weight reduction.” Neil smiled and patted Mike’s slick dome.
38. Bill’s baldness was undeniable. His pal Joey chuckled and said, “Nice landing strip Bill!” Bill pretended not to hear him and coolly responded, “I’m not balding Joey, my hair is just redistributing itself for better solar absorption.” Joey laughed and flicked his full head of hair.
39. Mark was sensitive about his widening bald spot. At a party, his friend Aaron said, “Mark you’re so bald, your head looks like a giant light bulb!” Mark frowned and replied in a serious tone, “Making fun of baldness promotes toxic attitudes. I am not bald, my follicles are just becoming more dynamically distributed.” Aaron looked embarrassed and quickly changed the subject.
40. As Tom’s hairline rapidly receded, his buddy Tyler joked, “Is that a tan line on your dome or did your hairline just flee the scene?” Tom forced a chuckle and coolly replied, “Neither actually. My follicles are simply rearranging themselves for optimal airflow and light absorption.” Tyler smiled awkwardly and sipped his drink.
41. John’s bald spot grew bigger every day. At dinner, his daughter giggled, “Daddy your head is so shiny, I can use it to see my reflection!” John gently replied, “Sweetie, it’s impolite to make fun of baldness. My hair isn’t thinning, it’s just becoming more aerodynamically distributed.” His daughter nodded politely and continued eating her food.
42. At a barbecue, Drew noticed his friend Luis’s hair was thinning. He ribbed him saying, “Heads up Luis, looks like your hairline is running away!” Luis casually replied, “Negative Drew, my hair follicles are not receding, they are strategically repositioning themselves into a more minimalist arrangement.” Drew smiled sheepishly and said “My bad man, no offense intended.”
43. When Alan’s hair started rapidly thinning, his co-worker joked, “Getting some solar panels installed up top Alan?” Alan smiled politely and responded, “I don’t actually have solar panels, I’m just pioneering a more dynamic follicular distribution pattern for better scalp ventilation.” His co-worker looked embarrassed and quickly changed the subject.