Axe Puns
1. I was going to make a joke about axes, but I decided to axe it.
2. What do you call an axe that’s been dipped in chocolate? An axe of kindness!
3. Why don’t axes ever get lost? They always find their way.
4. My friend got into trouble for bringing an axe to school. I told him it was a lack of judgment on his part.
5. I wanted to buy my dad an axe for his birthday but didn’t have enough money. I had to axe him to chip in.
6. I was going to tell a joke about axes, but I decided to chop it.
7. What do you call an axe that’s afraid of the dark? A fright-axe!
8. Why don’t axes ever get sick? They always manage to chop off illnesses before they spread.
9. I wanted to make an axe pun but decided to spare you.
10. Did you hear about the axe that won an award? It was quite an honor to be axe-knowledged.
11. What do you call an axe that’s been knighted? Sir Chopsalot!
12. Why don’t axes make good lawyers? They have a habit of cutting remarks.
Axe One-Liners
13. I bought my friend an axe as a housewarming gift – it was for chopping wood, not bridges.
14. I was going to make an axe pun, but I didn’t want to be too choppy.
15. My lumberjack friend has an axe to grind with me after I made one too many axe puns.
16. That axe is so sharp it could split hairs – luckily I don’t have any to split!
17. I wanted to make an axe pun but I didn’t want to be too blunt about it.
18. I’m not very good at chopping wood, most of my attempts have been hack jobs.
19. I was going to make a joke about axes, but I didn’t want to take a stab at it.
20. That axe is so sharp, it could cut through the atmosphere.
21. My friend bought an antique axe at a flea market – let’s hope it’s not a broad axe to grind.
22. I wanted to make an axe pun but decided to axe it – didn’t want to make people split their sides laughing.
Best Axe Jokes
23. My friend came running into the room in a panic, shouting “Someone’s stolen my axe!” I said, “Stop hacking out crazy accusations!”
24. I saw my neighbor chopping wood with a tiny axe. I said “That looks like hard work!” He replied “Yeah, it’s a little axe.”
25. I saw two axes fighting in the street. It was pretty intense – they were really going at each other’s throats!
26. My friend bought a new axe and was showing it off. I told him “That’s a really nice axe.” He said “Yeah, it cost me an arm and a leg!”
27. I entered my axe into a sharpness competition but it didn’t make the cut.
28. Why do firefighters use axes? Because they enjoy the chopper lifestyle.
29. Why was the axe allowed to stay at the fancy hotel? It had sharp credentials.
30. What do you call an axe that solves mysteries? An investi-gator!
31. Did you hear about the axe that got arrested? It was charged with a chopping spree.
32. Why was the axe angry at its friend? He felt backstabbed.
33. Why are axes bad at playing hide and seek? They stick out like a sore thumb.
34. I saw an axe walking down the street. That was blade behavior.
35. Why was the axe looking in the mirror? It wanted to take a good hard look at itself.
36. What do you call an axe that’s been knighted? Sir Chop-a-lot!
37. Why do axes make the best lawyers? They have a cutting edge approach.
38. Why don’t axes make good dancers? They have two left feet.
39. What do you call an axe that works as a therapist? An axe-pert!
40. Why don’t axes make good doctors? Their bedside chopsper.
41. What do you call an axe that’s been dipped in gold? A golden chopportunity!
42. Why are axes so upbeat? They look on the bright side of cleaving things.