Aunt Puns
- What do you call an aunt who is a sports fanatic? An ant-hlete!
- Why was the aunt late to her yoga class? She took too long to get out of her ant-asana pose.
- How does an aunt stay connected to her nieces and nephews? Through social antwork.
- Why did the aunt start gardening? To plant new ant-uals.
- What do you call an aunt who loves to sing? An anthem.
- Why did the aunt become a private investigator? To solve ant-riguing cases.
- What do you call an aunt who loves camping? An ant-venturer.
- Why did the aunt go to medical school? To become a pediantrician.
- What do you call an aunt who loves to cook? An ant-erous chef.
- How does an artistic aunt sign her paintings? With her ant-ograph.
Aunt One-Liners
- My aunt is so old, her birth certificate expired.
- My aunt is so nosy, she should join the Neighborhood Watch.
- My aunt loves shopping so much, she should get a job as a professional shopper.
- My aunt gossips so much, she should have her own talk show.
- My aunt nags me so much about my love life, she should become a professional matchmaker.
- My aunt is such a horrible driver, she got honked at by a police car.
- My aunt’s cooking is so bad, even our dog refuses to eat it.
- My aunt is so addicted to Candy Crush, she sees candy in her dreams.
- My aunt laughs at every joke, even if it’s not funny at all.
- My aunt loves selfies so much, her camera roll is 90% pictures of herself.
Best Aunt Jokes
21. My aunt Mary loves knitting so much that she tries to knit everything she can get her hands on. The other day I walked into her room and saw that she was knitting the curtains! I said, “Aunt Mary you can’t knit curtains, that’s crazy!” She replied, “Don’t worry, this is just the beginning. I’m planning on knitting the carpets next.”
22. My Aunt Jane is the biggest gossip I know. She literally knows everyone’s business in our neighborhood. The other day I saw her sneaking into our neighbor’s yard trying to peek through their windows! When I asked her what she was doing, she said “Shhh be quiet! I’m trying to get an exclusive scoop for my new newsletter!”
23. My Aunt Sue is obsessed with entering contests and sweepstakes. She spends all day filling out entry forms, taking surveys, and sending in mail-in requests. Last week, she asked me to help her make 500 paper cranes for a giveaway prize. After 8 hours of origami my fingers were so tired, but Aunt Sue said we couldn’t stop until we hit our goal. That’s dedication!
24. My Aunt Betsy loves taking selfies way too much. No matter where we go or what we’re doing, she always makes us stop to take pictures of herself. She carries a portable ring light and tripod in her purse at all times! Last weekend, we were at a funeral and Aunt Betsy suddenly shouted “Selfie time!” and made us all gather around the casket for a group pic. So embarrassing!
25. My Aunt Carol fancies herself an amazing singer even though she’s completely tone-deaf. Last Christmas, she grabbed the mic at our family karaoke party and belted out “Jingle Bells” so off-key, the neighborhood dogs started howling along. But Aunt Carol was convinced she brought the house down and took a dozen bows while waiting for applause.
26. My Aunt Helen is addicted to entering online sweepstakes. Every day she spends hours in front of the computer filling out entry forms on every website she can find. She types so frantically, I think the keyboard is starting to wear out. When I asked Aunt Helen how much she has won so far, she said $20, two T-shirts, and a bowling ball. Hey, it’s better than nothing I guess.
27. My Aunt Mildred is the worst driver I’ve ever seen. She tailgates, speeds, and is always putting on makeup while driving. The other day, she got pulled over for the 5th time this month! When the cop came up to the window, Aunt Mildred smiled sweetly and said, “Sorry officer, I was trying to Facetime my niece.” Yeah right, she doesn’t even know how to use Facetime!
28. My Aunt Edna is addicted to Farmville and spends all day plowing digital fields and harvesting digital crops. The last family gathering she missed completely because she was too busy planting carrots and tomatoes on her iPad. I think all those hours staring at a screen have made Aunt Edna go a little loco. Just yesterday, I saw her trying to milk the cat!
29. My Aunt Gertrude has never met a cat meme she didn’t like. Her Facebook feed is filled with funny cat videos, GIFs, and jokes. When we visit, she insists on showing us every single cat picture on the internet. The last time, we indulged Aunt Gertie for over 2 hours until our sides ached from laughing. Gotta love someone who can make you smile with cute kitties!
30. My Aunt Lucinda firmly believes aliens are real and walk among us disguised as humans. She even started an Alien Watchers club that meets on weekends to discuss conspiracy theories. Last week, I caught Aunt Lucinda following our mailman around town, claiming she was certain he was an alien spy. The mailman didn’t seem too pleased about being stalked!
