Apron Puns
1. I wanted to buy my chef friend a new apron, but the prices were unbe-leaf-able.
2. My wife asked me to put on an apron while cooking, but I refused. I don’t wanna look crusty!
3. I entered my homemade apron into the county fair. The judges said it was very a-peel-ing!
4. The designer apron store had to close early. Business was sewing slow.
5. I was looking for a stylish apron online but couldn’t find anything that suited me. The search continues a-porn.
6. I wanted to get my grandma a new apron for her birthday but didn’t have much dough.
7. The celebrity chef launched a new line of aprons. Sales have been sizzling hot ever since.
8. My friend got frustrated trying to tie her apron strings. She said it was knot easy!
9. I was feeling saucy so I put on my “Let’s Taco ‘Bout It” apron before cooking dinner.
10. The kitchen staff entered an apron decorating contest. The competition was stiff!
Apron One-Liners
11. Don’t be upset if I spill on this apron – that’s what it’s for!
12. My cooking apron says “Hot Stuff Coming Through” but it’s false advertising.
13. I’d rather be golfing…just saying. (Printed on a cooking apron)
14. I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right. (Printed on an apron)
15. I’m only wearing this apron because my clothes have food stains too.
16. This apron protects my clothes from stains and my sanity from cooking complaints.
17. My apron says “Caution: Hot Cook” but it’s wishful thinking.
18. Of course I talk to myself when I cook, sometimes I need expert advice. (Apron print)
19. My apron is dirtier than my mind – and that’s saying something!
20. I don’t trip, I do random gravity checks. (Printed on a cooking apron)
Best Apron Jokes
21. My wife walked into the kitchen and gasped when she saw my apron. In bright letters it said “The Grillfather.” She said, “I wish you wouldn’t wear something so silly.” I replied, “Leave the apron. Take the cannoli.”
22. I was out shopping for a new apron when I saw one that said “Best Dad Grillin’ and Chillin’.” I tried it on but my wife said there was no way I could pull off wearing something that outrageous. But I reassured her and said, “Don’t worry, honey. I got this.”
23. On Christmas morning, my family came downstairs to find me cooking breakfast wearing nothing but a Santa Claus-themed apron. Let’s just say the holiday cheer quickly turned into holiday jeer. Next year, maybe I’ll stick to just wearing the Santa hat.
24. For my dad’s birthday, I got him a Darth Vader apron along with matching oven mitts. Later when my mom called to ask how he liked the gifts, she said she overheard him in the kitchen saying, “Luke, I am your father” in the deepest voice possible. Success!
25. My wife bought me a new apron that had pictures of bacon and eggs all over it with the phrase “Gimme Some Sugar” on the front pocket. I decided to debut it for Sunday breakfast. Let’s just say the kids will now be having cereal from now on.
26. I was out shopping for a new apron when I came across one that had a big photo of Kim Kardashian’s face on it. The salesperson said, “That one’s perfect for any big fan!” I replied, “Yeah, if you wanna guarantee you burn everything you cook.”
27. For my mom’s birthday, we got her a cooking apron covered in Minion characters. She decided to debut it at our family BBQ but didn’t realize it said “#1 Mom” on the back…until after she’d flipped off our nosey neighbor over the fence.
28. My grandma loves baking so we got her an apron that looks like the British flag. She decided to wear it the first time she met my fiancée who is from Scotland. Let’s just say they had a heated debate over Scottish independence that ended with apron thrown in the trash.
29. I came downstairs on Thanksgiving wearing my new apron decorated like a turkey’s body. My wife took one look at me and said, “You better not be cooking the turkey dressed like that!” I replied, “Don’t worry, I’m just going to baste it.”
30. For Halloween, I decided to hand out candy while wearing only an apron made to look bloody and splattered. Let’s just say the cops were not thrilled when they responded to multiple calls from concerned parents that night. Note to self: Never answer the door naked on Halloween.
31. My husband bought me a new apron for my birthday that had a photo of a shirtless Channing Tatum on it. When I opened it, he said, “Now you can have a Magic Mike moment every time you cook!” I guess he didn’t realize our 12-year-old son was standing right there. Parenting fail.
32. I was excited to fire up the grill and debut my new “Kiss the Cook” apron. However, I didn’t read the fine print beforehand that said “Or Else!” in tiny letters underneath. Let’s just say my amused wife was not thrilled with my overly aggressive cooking request.
33. For Christmas, my girlfriend bought me an apron that looked like a male stripper policeman uniform. I decided to try it on while cooking steak later that night. As soon as she saw me gyrating in the kitchen, she shouted, “You’re under arrest…for horrible dance moves!”
34. I was cooking steaks wearing my new apron that said “Uncle Sam Wants You…To Eat More Beef!” After a few beers, I got distracted and accidentally lit part of the apron on fire. As I was frantically trying to put it out, my brother-in-law yelled, “Uncle Sam didn’t mean you had to literally fire up the grill!”
35. I was so excited when I found an apron with the Budweiser logo all over it. I decided to break it in while cooking burgers and steaks that weekend. However, flames shot up and quickly engulfed it when I opened the grill lid. As I ripped it off and threw it to the ground, my wife yelled, “I guess Bud didn’t wise up about apron flammability!”
36. For my dad’s birthday, I got him an apron that looked like a Zoot suit with a giant pelvis on it that said “Shake Your Money Maker.” My very conservative grandma was coming over for his birthday dinner, so let’s just say it didn’t stay on very long once she arrived.
37. My cooking apron says “Hottest Chef in Town” but I think it’s false advertising. The only time I brought any heat to the kitchen was when I accidentally started a small grease fire.
38. I was excited to debut my new “Caution: Extremely Hot Cook” apron for date night. However, my wife said there was no way I could live up to that claim after tasting my mediocre chicken alfredo.
39. For Father’s Day, my kids got me an apron that said “Best Dad Jokes” on it. I decided to debut it at our family BBQ while manning the grill. Let’s just say the endless dad jokes quickly went from funny to unbearable according to everyone else.
40. My wife surprised me with an apron that looks like a tuxedo for my birthday. While cooking that night, I decided to wear it with no shirt and do my best Chippendales dance moves. Let’s just say she was not amused by my unique cooking tease.
41. I was so excited to fire up the grill wearing my new apron that said “Hottest Dad in Town.” However, the excitement quickly faded when I burned myself trying to look cool flipping steaks. My wife said, “I think we need to change that apron to read ‘Clumsiest Dad in Town.'”
42. For Valentine’s Day, I surprised my wife by cooking dinner while only wearing a skimpy “Kiss the Chef” apron. However, the plan backfired when I accidentally spilled hot pasta water all over myself as I was straining the noodles. Nothing ruins romance quite like your husband screaming bloody murder from scalding-hot splatter burns.
43. My sister bought me an apron as a joke that had a six pack of abs printed on it. I decided to debut it for a family cookout. However, when I asked my mom how she wanted her steak cooked, she replied, “Well done… unlike your ridiculous non-existent six pack apron.”
44. I was so excited to debut my new “Caution: Hot Stuff Coming Through” apron my wife got me. However, she objected saying there was no way I could live up to that claim. But I confidently told her “Don’t worry, I got this!” Now I have a first-degree burn on my wrist from accidentally touching the grill. Turns out I did not in fact “got this.”
45. For my dad’s 60th birthday, we got him an apron that said “Hot Grandpa” on it as a gag gift. However, the laughter stopped when he actually wore it to the family birthday dinner. Nothing ruins an appetizer quite like reading “Hot Grandpa” in bold letters across your dad’s chest.
46. My brother surprised his vegan girlfriend with a new apron that said “Kiss the Vegan Cook.” When she came over for dinner and saw him wearing it, she said “Thanks sweetie, but I’m breaking up with you.” He replied, “Is it the apron?” She said “No, it’s because you made steak.” Moral of the story: vegans don’t have much of a sense of humor.
47. I was so excited to fire up the grill while wearing my hilarious new “Flying Bacon” apron. However, excitement turned to horror as I was splashed with scalding hot grease when the bacon immediately fell through the grill grates. My wife said she’d buy me a less dangerous apron next time.
48. For Valentine’s Day, I decided to cook a romantic dinner while wearing nothing but a “Kiss the Cook” apron. However, the evening came to an abrupt halt when I accidentally spilled an entire tray of lasagna onto my bare legs. Nothing kills the mood quite like second-degree burns down your inner thighs.
49. I was so excited to debut my new apron that looks like a firefighter uniform, complete with a fake ax. However, the thrill quickly faded when I got the ax handle stuck in the grill while trying to flip burgers. After struggling to free it for several minutes as smoke billowed everywhere, my wife made me go change into a less dangerous apron.
50. I surprised my girlfriend by cooking her favorite meal while wearing a frilly pink “Kiss the Cook” apron. However, she was not amused when I kept making exaggerated smoochy faces and noises every time she looked over at me. She said, “On second thought, I’ll just get takeout.”
51. For my dad’s birthday, we got him a Darth Vader apron that says “Who’s Your Daddy?” on it. When he unwrapped it, he immediately put it on and bellowed, “Luke, I am your father!” in his best James Earl Jones voice. Needless to say, our party came to a quick halt as everyone cringed uncomfortably.
52. I excitedly fired up the grill wearing my hilarious new apron decorated with images of dancing bacon strips. However, the thrill quickly faded when grease from the actual bacon I was cooking splattered all over the dancing bacon apron. My wife remarked, “Looks like the dancing bacon is sizzling now too.”
53. My wife surprised me with an apron as a gift that says “Caution: Extremely Hot Cook” across the front. However, she forbid me from wearing it after I excitedly put it on backwards and paraded around so she could see the “Xtremely Hot Cook” printed on my bum. Apparently that crossed a line.
54. I was so excited to debut the new “Hot Stuff Coming Through” apron my girlfriend bought me. However, her enthusiasm waned after I intentionally bumped her with my hips while arrogantly pointing at my apron. She said, “If you do that one more time, the only thing coming through is my fist!” Lesson learned.
55. My kids bought me a hilarious “Best Dad Jokes” apron for my birthday. I decided to debut it for family movie night while handing out snacks. After an hour of endless puns, everyone unanimously agreed it was time to make “Best Dad Jokes” apron an outdoor-only apron from now on.
56. I excitedly slipped on my new “Kiss the Cook” apron my girlfriend gave me before cooking her a romantic anniversary dinner. However, the romance came to an abrupt halt when I got my arm stuck in the pasta pot while dramatically leaning in for a kiss. Nothing kills the mood quite like having to call the fire department because your boyfriend’s arm is trapped in a giant pot of boiling water.
57. For Father’s Day, my kids pitched in to get me an apron that says “Best Griller In Town.” I excitedly debuted it at my friend’s July 4th BBQ. However, excitement turned to horror as grease from the burgers I was grilling splattered all over it, completely ruining the apron within minutes. My friend remarked, “I think we need to amend that apron to say ‘Worst Griller In Town.'”
