Football Puns
1. I used to be a quarterback, but then I took an arrow to the knee.
2. The football coach was feeling deflated after his team lost.
3. The wide receiver kept dropping passes. I guess you could say he had butter fingers.
4. The referee made a bad pass interference call. I guess you could say he flagged it.
5. The running back got tackled for a loss. I guess you could say he ran into some resistance.
6. The kicker missed the game-winning field goal. I guess you could say he choked under pressure.
7. The defensive lineman got called for a face mask penalty. I guess you could say he got a little too handsy.
8. The coach drew up a trick play involving a flea-flicker. I guess you could say he had an itch to try something different.
9. The quarterback’s passes lacked velocity. I guess you could say his throws were underthrown.
10. The wide receiver dropped the ball because he took his eyes off it. I guess you could say he had a case of the dropsies.
11. The running back got stuffed at the line of scrimmage. I guess there was no hole for him to run through.
12. The kick returner called for a fair catch. I guess he didn’t want to take any chances.
Football One-Liners
13. Referee: “Delay of game on the offense. Five yard penalty.” Quarterback: “Sorry, my fault. I wanted to finish sending that text.”
14. Coach: “Son, I think you have a real future as a running back.” Player: “Thanks Dad!”
15. Referee: “Unnecessary roughness on number 52.” Player 52: “What can I say? I play rough.”
16. Coach: “Alright team, what’s our goal for the season?” Players: “To score more points than the other team!”
17. Wife: “Honey, come to bed.” Football fan husband: “Just five more minutes. I think they can still win this.”
18. Player: “Uh oh, I think I pulled my hamstring.” Coach: “Walk it off son, you’ve got two other legs.”
19. Quarterback: “Ugh, we have to run the ball again?” Coach: “Quit your complaining and hand it off.”
20. Player: “That hit looked like it hurt. You good?” Injured player: “I’m fine. Just walk it off.”
21. Fan 1: “Our team is so bad. I can’t watch anymore.” Fan 2: “There’s always next season.”
22. Referee: “Holding, offense number 73.” Player 73: “I was just giving him a hug!”
23. Quarterback: “Hike!” *Ball flies over his head* Quarterback: “Or not.”
24. Coach: “You have to catch those son!” Receiver: “Sorry coach, I’ll grab the next one.”
Best Football Jokes
25. It was the championship football game and the team was down by 3 points with only 1 second left. The coach called the quarterback over and said, “Alright son, this is it. I want you to throw the ball as far as you can and hope for a miracle.” The team lining up, the quarterback threw the ball high and far. Suddenly, a huge hand reached down from the clouds and caught the ball. It was the hand of God! A loud voice boomed from the heavens, “He’s out of bounds at the 10 yard line.”
26. Billy loved football more than anything. One day his girlfriend asked him to come over Friday night because her parents were going to be out. But Billy told her he couldn’t come over Friday because he had a football game. The next week the girlfriend asked Billy again to come over on Friday night and every Friday night after that, but each time Billy said he couldn’t because of his football games. Finally one day the girlfriend got so frustrated that she broke up with him. Billy was heartbroken and went to his friend for advice. His friend told him, “Billy you loved playing football more than your girlfriend. Maybe you’ll be able to find a girl that loves football as much as you but I don’t think you’re ever going to love football as much as you loved that girl.”
27. During a football game, the coach called one of his 7 year-old players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?” The little boy nodded yes. “Do you understand that what matters is that we win together as a team?” The little boy nodded yes. “So,” the coach continued, “when a strike is called, or you’re out at first, you don’t argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?” Again, the little boy nodded. “Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain it to your mother.”
28. It was the championship high school football game and with only 30 seconds left, the home team was down 14-0. In desperation, the coach looked down the bench hoping to find someone who could somehow help them mount a last minute comeback. He noticed a boy with a very large cast on his arm, so he called him over and asked if he could play. The boy eagerly said yes. The coach told him to get out on the field and get ready for a pass. With only 10 seconds left in the game, the quarterback threw a high pass in the boy’s direction. With one hand the boy pulled the ball in and ran it all the way for an 80 yard touchdown! The crowd erupted in cheers and his teammates mobbed him, thrilled with the unbelievable play. They had won! The coach found the boy, gave him a big hug, and asked, “What is your name?” “My name is Victory,” he replied brightly. “Wow! What a fantastic name,” said the coach. Then looking down at the boy’s cast he asked, “And what happened to your arm?” The boy looked at his cast and sheepishly replied, “Oh this? I broke my thumb.”
29. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? Give me my quarterback!
30. Why do football players make great wedding guests? They can tackle the groom if he gets cold feet.
31. How do football players stay cool during games? They stand near the fans!
32. Did you hear about the football player who ran into the goal post? He took a concussion.
33. Why do quarterbacks make good mathematicians? They’re great problem solvers and know how to use their heads.
34. Did you hear about the player who got penalized for holding in the supermarket? He was caught holding the groceries.
35. Why do football players have to run in zigzags? Because they can’t walk in a straight line.
36. Why was the football coach yelling at a can of soda? He wanted to get the point across.
37. Why do football players get in trouble for illegal procedure so often? It’s the only way they know how to move forward.
38. Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback!
39. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
40. Why do elephants have flat feet? From jumping out of trees.
41. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
42. What happens when a frog’s car breaks down? It gets toad away.
Football Puns
43. The running back got tackled for no gain. I guess you could say he ran out of real estate.
44. The wide receiver complained to the referee about pass interference. I guess you could say he had a gripe.
45. The quarterback’s parents were so proud of his winning touchdown. I guess you could say he was their pride and joy.
46. The kicker was nervous about the upcoming game. I guess you could say he had the jitters.
47. The linebacker gave the referee a piece of his mind for that bad call. I guess you could say he spoke his mind.
48. The defensive end got called for offsides again. I guess you could say he jumped the gun.
49. The coach drew up a new play during the time out. I guess you could say he went back to the drawing board.
50. The running back lowered his shoulder and powered through the defender. I guess you could say he gave it his best shot.
51. The receiver timed his jump perfectly to grab the ball at its highest point. I guess you could say he was on the ball.
52. The quarterback was sacked multiple times during the game. I guess you could say he got dragged down.
Football One-Liners
53. Wide receiver: “Uh oh, I think I pulled my hamstring.” Quarterback: “Again?? Just walk it off man.”
54. Quarterback after throwing an interception: “My bad guys. I promise I’ll get the next one.”
55. Linebacker: “I got your block right here!” *gets pancaked*
56. Kicker after missing game-winning field goal: “Rats. I’ll make the next one for sure.”
57. Referee: “Holding on the offense, 10 yard penalty.” Lineman: “Holding? I barely touched the guy!”
58. Running back after fumbling: “Butterfingers strikes again. I’m never living that one down.”
59. Defensive back after getting flagged: “What do you mean pass interference? I was just saying hi!”
60. Punter: “Uh guys, a little help here please!!”
61. Fan: “Come on ref, are you blind?? That was clearly a foul!”
62. Coach: “What’s our motto team?” Players: “Never quit!”
Best Football Jokes
63. Little Johnny loved football and decided to try out for the team. At the tryouts, the coach told them to run a single file lap around the field. When it was Johnny’s turn, he took off running as fast as he could, outpacing all the other kids. When he crossed the starting line again, he sprinted over to the coach and shouted “Touchdown!!! Did you see how fast I was??” The coach shook his head and said, “Just go sit down son, this is the tryouts, not the game.”
64. Billy’s friends were always making him the butt of their jokes. Then one day Billy decided he’d had enough and signed up for the football team hoping this would make the other kids stop picking on him. In Billy’s first game, his team won, largely because of an amazing 70 yard touchdown he scored. Billy’s friend said, “Whoa, great run! Keep that up and we’ll stop calling you butthead.”
65. During the football game, the frustrated wife of one of the players shouted from the stands, “Will you please ask my husband what is for dinner tonight!?” The players huddled together and the message was relayed down to the husband. He shouted back, “Tell her the menu has not been planned yet and to check back at half time.”
66. Did you hear about the football player who went grocery shopping? He kept getting called for holding the produce.
67. What do you call an NFL player who always gets tackled? Russell Sackedson.
68. Why was the football coach yelling at the soda machine? He wanted his quarterback!
69. Why do quarterbacks make the best detectives? Because they’re always solving mysteries!
70. Why was the football player studying the ground? He was reading between the lines.
71. Why don’t football players get hot while playing? They have their own fans!
72. Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback!
73. Why did the football player cross the road? To get to the other sideline!
74. What do you call a German football coach? A Frankfurtfurter!
75. Where do football players learn their sport? Foot-ball school!
76. Why do football players have big shoulder pads? So they don’t get hurt when they pat themselves on the back!
77. Why was the football player afraid of her 6 month old baby? It kept saying “Mama” “Dada” and “Hike”!
78. Why do football players make bad cooks? Because they use too much salt and commit flagrant fouls!
