Bacon Puns (30)
1. Don’t be so salty, my friend. You need to look on the bright side – the bacon side!
2. My doctor told me I need to cut back on sodium. I told him he’s insane if he thinks I’m giving up bacon!
3. I was feeling down, so I decided to treat myself to a nice bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich. It really cured what was ailing me!
4. I made an online dating profile for my bacon. His bio says he’s handsome, sizzling, and looking for his soulmate!
5. Q: Why did the bacon laugh? A: Because the egg told a yolk!
6. My friend bet me I couldn’t make a car out of bacon. You should have seen her face when I drove home in a bacon sedan!
7. To the person who stole my bacon at the office – I will find you, and I will charge you with a felony and misdemea-pork!
8. I entered my pet bacon in a beauty pageant and it totally brought home the bacon!
9. Did you hear about the new strain of flu going around? It’s called the swine fluke. Doctors recommend plenty of fluids and rest – along with a healthy serving of bacon each day!
10. I was feeling sad so I starting listing off positive traits about myself. I’m really bringing home the bacon with this self-confidence thing!
11. What do you call a pig who does karate? A pork chop!
12. Did you hear the story about the pig who saved a drowning child? What a hero! I guess you could say he really brought home the bacon.
13. Why did the police arrest the pig? He was caught with illegal ham substances!
14. What do you call a line of pigs waiting for food? A pork queue!
15. Why did the pig cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!
16. What do you call a sad pig? A blue pork!
17. Did you hear about the actor who hurt himself on set? Apparently he pulled a hamstring.
18. Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in front of a pig? Because they’re known to spread hogwash!
19. What do you call a magical pig? A porker!
20. Why did the pig quit their job as a chef? They got tired of bringing home the bacon day after day.
21. What do you call a pig who does plumbing work? A pork wrench!
22. Why did the pig cross the road twice? To prove he wasn’t chicken!
23. How did the pig try to resurrect his comedy career? He tried to bring home the bacon again!
24. Why can’t you fool pigs? Because they’re too smart to fall for hogwash!
25. What do you call a pig that does karate? Pork chop!
26. What’s a pig’s favorite ballet move? The pork jete!
27. Why did the pig quit riding his motorcycle? He got tired of being a hog!
28. What’s a pig’s favorite dessert? Pork pie!
29. Why did the pig get fired from the butcher shop? He kept getting caught with his hand in the till!
30. What’s a pig’s favorite movie genre? Pork flicks!
Bacon One-Liners (26)
31. I couldn’t find my bacon this morning, so you could say I was feeling a little crispy.
32. Bacon – Make Everything Better
33. Today’s forecast: 100% chance of bacon.
34. Bacon – fueling bright ideas and innovation since 1500 BC.
35. Save the drama for your llama, I’m happy with my bacon.
36. Bacon – It’s not for breakfast anymore!
37. Bacon: the meat candy.
38. Bacon makes everything better – even vegetables!
39. Keep calm and grab the bacon!
40. Bacon – don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!
41. Bacon: the key to my heart.
42. Bacon – the real MVP.
43. Be happy, eat bacon.
44. Bacon bits make great crouton substitutes.
45. Bacon – part of a nutritious breakfast!
46. Bacon goes with everything!
47. Bacon – enough said.
48. Bacon – the gateway meat.
49. Bacon: meat candy!
50. All you need is bacon!
51. Bacon makes it better!
52. Bacon: breakfast, lunch, and dinner!
53. Bacon – get some!
54. Everything is better with bacon!
55. Bacon – the other white meat.
56. Bacon – accept no substitutes!
Best Bacon Jokes (33)
57. Why did the pig stop sunbathing? He was bacon!
58. What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large!
59. My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. I said to him “Don’t be Sicily!”
60. I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.
61. What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
62. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space!
63. Why can’t Elsa from Frozen have a balloon? Because she will let it go, let it go!
64. I’m reading a great book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
65. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie!
66. My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
67. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
68. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He didn’t get hurt because it was a soft drink!
69. I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me!
70. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie!
71. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it!
72. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way!
73. How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it!
74. A hole was found in a nudist camp wall. Police are looking into it.
75. What did the coat say to the hanger? You hang around while I go out.
76. What’s brown and sticky? A stick!
77. What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop!
78. What did one hat say to the other? You wait here. I’ll go on ahead.
79. What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck!
80. I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked!
81. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way!
82. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells!
83. How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
84. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
85. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
86. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but their flag is a huge plus!
87. I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
88. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up on its own? It was two-tired!
89. What did one wall say to the other wall? I’ll meet you at the corner!
90. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day!
91. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent!
92. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador!
93. Why was the baby ant confused? Because all of his uncles were ants!
94. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
95. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
96. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind!
97. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
98. What does a house wear? Address!
99. Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? They always take things literally!
100. Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”!
101. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved!
102. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. It’s hard to put down.
103. What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine!
104. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!