Hammer Puns I used to work in construction, but I got fired for nailing it constantly. My boss said I needed to hammer out the issues. My friend got frustrated trying to put together his new furniture and started hitting it with a hammer. I guess you could say he assembled it improperly. Did you …
Brian Johnson
Phone book Puns 1. I tried to look up a plumber in the yellow pages, but all the information was tearable. 2. I was feeling lonely so I called up my old friend’s number in the phone book, but we just didn’t connect like we used to. 3. I opened up the phone book to …
Pencil Sharpener Puns 1. I bought an electric pencil sharpener, but it keeps giving me the cold shoulder. 2. My pencil sharpener identifies as non-binary – it goes by blade/blade-self pronouns. 3. I was going to make a joke about pencil sharpeners, but it’s pointless. 4. What did the pencil say to the sharpener? You’ve …
Calendar Puns 1. I asked my calendar what’s up this week and it said, “Same old days, just in a different order!” 2. Why was the calendar so shy? Because it had a lot of dates but wasn’t getting asked out! 3. My calendar keeps ghosting me. It marks off days without giving me any …
Bulb Puns (12) What do you call a lightbulb that just came back from vacation? A tanned watt. Why was the LED bulb feeling depressed? It needed more lighteners in its life. Why do bulbs make good detectives? They know how to get to the bottom of things. How did the incandescent bulb try to …
Ring binder Puns I bought a new ring binder for school, but it didn’t work out. I guess you could say it just wasn’t binding enough for me. My friend was looking for a ring binder with built-in dividers. I told him not to get his hopes up too high, good ones are pretty hard …
Blender Puns I bought my blender some new sneakers so it could make smoothies on the run. My blender got arrested for disturbing the peace and quiet in my kitchen. I entered my blender into a race. It was neck and neck until the end when my blender pulled ahead for the blenderender! My blender …
Light Bulb Puns 1. What do you call an unreliable lightbulb? A dim bulb! 2. Want to hear a joke about electricity? I doubt you’d get amped for it since most people aren’t very bright. 3. Did you hear about the claustrophobic light bulb? It was afraid of being cooped up inside a lamp. 4. …
Stepladder Puns (16) 1. I bought a new stepladder yesterday, but when I got home I realized it was a bit flaky. I shouldn’t have taken the steps so lightly. 2. My stepladder business failed because it didn’t quite reach the heights I was hoping for. 3. Did you hear about the angry stepladder? It …
Gas Can Puns (15) 1. I wanted to fill up my gas can, but the gas station attendant said it was already full. I said, “Are you sure? That can’t be!” 2. My friend brought his rusty old gas can to get it repaired. The mechanic took one look and said, “This can is beyond …