Playing Card Puns
1. I tried to organize a poker tournament but it fell apart when the deck of cards refused to deal with me.
2. My friend got a full house in poker, but I told him not to get too excited because his family was already living with him.
3. I entered a poker competition but folded once I realized I didn’t stand a chance of winning. The deck was stacked against me.
4. I thought I could count cards effectively but the dealer quickly called my bluff.
5. The poker player had a royal flush which meant the queen, king and jack all went down the toilet together.
6. I tried to sneak a peek at my opponent’s cards but he caught me red handed.
7. The card shark was accused of cheating and being generally dodgy.
8. The gambler tried to pull a fast one during poker but his tricks were as transparent as a glass house of cards.
9. My poker buddy asked to borrow $20 but I refused to ante up and lend him any more money.
10. I tried to shuffle the deck but made a mess of things and ended up with cards all over the table and floor.
11. The poker player drew a real low card and ended up with just the shirt left on his back.
12. The expert card player knew when to hold them and when to fold them but struggled figuring out when to walk away.
Playing Card One-Liners
13. I’m not very good at poker but I enjoy holding hands.
14. I was hoping for a royal flush but the king, queen and jack never showed up to my bathroom.
15. They say poker reveals character…mine’s a joker apparently.
16. I tried counting cards in Vegas but lost track around 10.
17. I play poker for the free drinks, not the cards.
18. I folded faster than a cheap deck chair during an all-in bet.
19. I’m all in…once I get my next paycheck.
20. Reading poker faces is difficult when everyone wears sunglasses.
21. Bluffing is an art I have yet to master…or even learn.
22. I’m more of a Go Fish kind of gambler.
23. I only play poker when stripped down to my swimsuit.
24. Poker is easy when you cheat and peek at the other cards.
25. I get more excitement from 52 card pickup than poker.
26. Quit while you’re ahead… All ahead of me already quit.
27. I won big at poker last night! Breakfast at the buffet was amazing.
28. Don’t play poker with me. Even with 4 aces, I’ll probably fold.
Best Playing Card Jokes
29. I was never very good at poker, so I decided to take up stripping instead. Now I get paid to show my cards.
30. I entered the World Series of Poker with a single Uno card. I hoped it would help me win but I didn’t stand a chance. Now I know – one card does not make a full deck.
31. My friend gets really angry when playing poker and often flips the table in a rage. It’s ok though, he deals with it.
32. I used to have a serious gambling problem and almost lost everything playing poker. Fortunately, I was able to turn the tables and beat my addiction.
33. I played poker against a mind reader once. Every time I got a good hand she would muck her cards. It made me want to flip the table in frustration but I kept my poker face.
34. I entered a high stakes poker game with some friends. Being new to gambling, I decided to play it safe and fold each hand before the flop. Eventually my friends got frustrated and kicked me out for not ante-ing up enough. Now I know why it’s called ante… because without it you can’t join the poker game.
35. I recently learned that poker legend Doyle Brunson never changes the cards he first receives. It just goes to show that a good poker player knows how to play the hand they’re dealt, not the one they wish they had.
36. My friend likes to brag that he can count cards in Blackjack. I told him I’m more impressed that he can count to 21 without taking his shoes off.
37. I tried to bluff while playing poker but my friends saw right through me. Next time I need to work on my poker face instead of using an actual mask to hide my expressions.
38. I played strip poker with my girlfriend, hoping she would lose her clothes. Instead, I lost everything except my socks and had to walk home in shame.
39. I recently learned that poker legend Doyle Brunson never changes the cards he first receives. It just goes to show that a good poker player knows how to play the hand they’re dealt, not the one they wish they had.
40. I used to play poker every Friday night with friends. But then we switched to crazy eights when we realized no one knew how to properly shuffle cards.
41. My friend invited me to a poker game but said I needed to bring my own chair. When I showed up, I realized everyone else was playing musical chairs – not poker! Never assume anything when it comes to card games.
42. I tried to impress a girl by showing off my poker skills. I ended up accidentally spraying the cards all over her. Suffice to say, I didn’t get a date but I did get a good hand.
43. Don’t be fooled by my poker face – underneath I’m holding a handful of Pokemon cards, not a Royal Flush.
44. I was at a poker game and looked down at my watch realizing I was late to meet my girlfriend. I quickly folded, even though I had a straight flush! Just goes to show, love trumps good cards.
45. My friends invited me to play poker, but after losing three times in a row they made me be the card table instead.
46. Don’t let my blank expression fool you – my poker face has nothing to do with the cards I’m holding.
47. I accidentally wandered into a poker game and got dealt a hand. I panicked and shouted “Uno!” – big mistake.
48. I played online poker but got frustrated when the computer kept dealing me awful hands. So I decided to physically assault my laptop – turns out that’s not the best way to blow off steam.
49. My poker addiction got so bad I almost lost my home. Fortunately, my friend intervened and helped me turn the tables on my destructive betting habits.
50. I tried to impress a cute girl by showing off my poker skills but ended up spilling hot coffee all over the cards. Suffice to say, I didn’t score any points that day.
51. Don’t be intimidated by my serious poker face – I’m actually just trying really hard to remember which hand beats a straight.
52. I thought strip poker would be a fun date idea… until I realized I’m terrible at bluffing.
53. I got invited to a high stakes poker game. I had to fold after seeing the buy-in cost more than my rent.
54. I’m the worst poker player ever. I fold if someone so much as glances at my cards.
55. Poker just doesn’t work for me. Every hand is either a missed deal or a misdeal.
56. I tried to impress a cute girl by showing off my poker skills. Instead I accidentally flung the cards everywhere. Real smooth…real smooth.
57. Don’t let my calm facade fool you – my poker face has nothing to do with the cards I’m holding.
58. I only play poker for the snacks. The cards are just a distraction.
59. The only time I won at poker was when we used candy instead of money. Beginner’s luck doesn’t apply to real stakes.
60. Let’s just say my poker skills aren’t the best. I fold if someone breathes on my cards aggressively.
61. I’m more of a Go Fish kind of card player. Poker is a bit over my head, and under my skill level.
62. Don’t be intimidated by my blank expression – my poker face hides the terror I feel whenever it’s my turn to bet.
63. I lost my shirt in a game of strip poker. But at least I walked away with some dignity still intact…
