Plate Puns (15)
1. I ordered the steak and when it came out, it was not a good cut. You could say I got a raw deal on that plate.
2. I dropped a stack of plates on my foot the other day. It really hurt, but thankfully nothing broke – just some minor plate injuries.
3. Did you hear about the angry plate who was feeling depressed? He had a chip on his shoulder.
4. The plate tried stand-up comedy but he really bombed on stage. I guess his jokes fell flat.
5. What do you call an insecure plate? A plate with low self-esteem.
6. Why was the plate sweating? It was having a melt down.
7. Why did the plate go to therapy? To work through his issues.
8. What do you call a plate that sticks to the rules? A square plate.
9. Why couldn’t the plate elope? His parents wanted a proper wedding with the whole set.
10. How does a plate party? He dishes out fun.
11. How does a plate stay in shape? Lots of spin classes.
12. Why was the plate laughing? Because the fork told him a funny yolk.
13. Did you hear about the plate who entered a comedy competition? He tried to wing it but his set really crashed and burned.
14. I knew a stand up plate comedian who only told food jokes. All he had in his repertoire were cornball gags.
15. What do you call plates that stick together? Pals.
Plate One-Liners (15)
16. I ordered chicken nuggets, but instead I got a plate of chicken insults.
17. My friend got arrested for stealing plates – he has a history of taking things literally.
18. Just found out my favorite diner uses paper plates – I’m done with that place.
19. I wanted seconds at dinner, but all the plates had left the table.
20. My friend brought floral print plates to the barbecue – not my style but whatever floats your plate.
21. I’m so clumsy I chipped three plates just putting them in the cabinet.
22. I accidentally grabbed a wet plate – lost my grip.
23. My sister only collects square plates – she likes everything to be on the straight and plate.
24. Bought some vintage plates but had to return them – they were cracked and lacked seasoning.
25. I dropped a stack of plates on my way to set the table – made quite the dinner plate ruckus.
26. My friend loves collecting fancy plates – she has exquisite plate taste.
27. I was carrying plates to the kitchen and slipped on a banana peel – talk about being triplate unlucky.
28. Had my identity stolen – some plate impersonator racked up charges on my cards.
29. My friend is obsessed with plates – his cabinet is plated with them.
30. Don’t let me carry the good plates – I have two left thumbs and ten left fingers.
Best Plate Jokes (15)
31. Last night I dreamed I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted! Anyway, I’ve been hungry for seafood all day and I think it’s because I slept plate last night.
32. My friend thinks he’s a plate. He says it’s because when he was a kid his mom dropped him on his head and he’s been a little cracked ever since. We’re worried about him, he seems half-baked. The other day he even asked me to toss a salad at him to see if he could catch it on his rim! I told him to snap out of it and stop acting so shallow before he dents his reputation.
33. I accidentally grabbed a wet plate from the dishwasher and it slipped right out of my hand. It hit the floor and broke into a million pieces; it was a complete plate-astrophe. My wife came running into the kitchen yelling “What was that loud crash?!” I tried explaining it was just a little accident but she saw the shattered plate and started scolding me. She said I need to be more careful and attentive. I apologized and promised I’ll handle the plates gingerly from now on. I felt like a little kid being lectured. Next time I’ll use a dish towel so I have a better plate grip.
34. The other day my friend invited me over for dinner but when I got there he was just casually eating cereal out of a mixing bowl. I asked where the real food was and he told me in his most serious voice, “This IS dinner.” Then he gestured at the table which was set with some paper plates and plastic utensils. I couldn’t believe it, I thought we were having a nice meal together! When I complained about the “menu” he just shrugged and kept eating his cereal. I was so insulted. Who serves cereal for dinner, uses paper plates, and doesn’t even bother to make real food for their guest? Needless to say, I won’t be having anymore dinners at his place. From now on he can enjoy his paper plate specials alone!
35. I took my girlfriend out to a fancy restaurant for our anniversary. I ordered steak and she got the salmon. Everything was going great until suddenly I heard a crash across the restaurant – some waiter had dropped a huge stack of plates. The loud noise made me jump and I accidentally elbowed my girlfriend’s plate onto the floor, ruining her entire meal. She got upset and started scolding me right there in front of everyone. The rest of the dinner was so awkward. And then when the check came, salmon was so expensive that I didn’t have enough money to cover it! I was mortified when I had to borrow cash from the couple sitting next to us just to pay for our ruined anniversary dinner. Definitely not how I imagined our special night going! Now every time my girlfriend sees a plate, she brings up how I ruined our anniversary.
36. I went over to my neighbor’s house for lunch last week. She served everything on paper plates and plastic utensils – soup, sandwiches, salad, even the chips and dip. It felt so weird eating a full meal off disposable dishware at someone’s dining table. The plate situation was strange enough but then I bit into my sandwich and nearly broke a tooth. She had undercooked the chicken so much that it was still cold and rubbery. At that point I decided to just avoid eating as much as possible. I pretended I was too full for dessert but she still insisted I take a brownie home. She handed me the brownie on – you guessed it – another paper plate. It was wrapped in plastic wrap that was impossible to peel off. I just threw the whole thing away as soon as I got home. Let’s just say I won’t be having anymore lunches at my neighbor’s, her bizarre paper plate meals are inedible!
37. I was halfway through dinner at my boyfriend’s parents’ house when I knocked my plate onto the floor, breaking it into pieces and splattering food everywhere. His mom started yelling at me for being so careless. I was mortified but it got even worse – their dog quickly gobbled up the spilled food and then started choking! We all jumped up in panic. My boyfriend’s dad did the Heimlich maneuver on the dog while his mom continued scolding me: “This is why we don’t use the good plates when you come over!” I wanted to die of embarrassment. Needless to say, I apologized profusely while helping clean up the mess. But now every time I go over there his mom says “Here’s a paper plate for Klara so we don’t have any accidents.” I’ll never live down the time I broke a plate AND almost killed their dog.
38. One night my wife cooked an amazing steak dinner but shortly after sitting down to eat, I clumsily knocked my plate onto the floor. The plate shattered and my delicious steak landed right on top of a pile of dirt my son had tracked in. My wife was furious that her hard work had gone to waste. She yelled at me for being so careless, while our son just giggled at the mess. I tried damage control and picked the dusty steak pieces off the floor to put back on the plate. Of course that just made things worse. My wife screamed that I was going to give us all food poisoning and told me to throw the ruined steak in the garbage. So there I was, starving and in the dog house over a shattered plate. To make matters even more humiliating, I had to eat peanut butter toast while my wife and son enjoyed their dinners. Let’s just say I’m extra careful around plates nowadays – I don’t want to have to eat sad backup meals ever again!
39. I recently moved in with my girlfriend and she has a cherished collection of vintage plates. They were passed down from her grandmother so they have a lot of sentimental value. She specifically told me to be very careful around them. But one day I was trying to impress her by carrying a big stack of them into the dining room. I tripped over the rug and sent them all flying! They shattered into a million pieces across the hardwood floor. My girlfriend burst into tears, it was awful. I felt like a complete klutz. I tried sweeping up the the shards but it was useless, her plates were ruined. She was furious at me for breaking her grandma’s precious plates. I told her I’d replace them but she said they had too much sentimental value. She actually made me sleep on the couch for a week as punishment. Moral of the story – don’t try to carry too many plates at once when you’re a klutz like me!
40. My girlfriend hosted a fancy dinner party and put out her nice china plates for the occasion. I accidentally knocked my elbow into the plate and sent it crashing to the floor, shattering it instantly. The whole party went silent. My girlfriend looked like she wanted to kill me. I felt awful and offered to pay to replace the plate. Turns out it was one from a very expensive set passed down in her family for generations. There was no replacing it. Everyone was silent and staring daggers at me. I wanted to disappear. For the rest of the night people would see the missing plate at my spot and whisper about “that klutz who broke the antique plate”. My girlfriend was furious, she said I ruined her whole dinner party. I’ve been groveling for forgiveness ever since but I’m still strictly on paper plates any time we eat together. That priceless, irreplaceable antique plate still haunts me to this day.
41. I was cleaning up after breakfast one morning when I slipped on a puddle on the kitchen floor. As I was falling, I grabbed the edge of the tablecloth to try and catch myself. This ended up pulling the cloth right off the table, sending dishes and plates flying through the air. It was total chaos, like slow motion plate juggling. I did manage to catch two plates mid-air in an epic save. But the other ones all came crashing down, shattering into tiny shards across the tile floor. Just then my wife walked in, took one look at the absolute mess, and started scolding me for horsing around. No matter how much I tried explaining it was just an accident, she was convinced I was playing Frisbee with her fine china. I’m still finding little shards I missed when I cleaned up. Let’s just say when it comes to plates, my reflexes could use some work.
42. At my friend’s wedding reception last night, I was carrying a stack of plates back from the buffet line. They had set up the food tables right next to the dance floor which was packed with people dancing to “YMCA”. I tried to squeeze past the dancers but got bumped hard from the side. The whole tower of plates went crashing to the ground, interrupting the music as everyone stopped to stare. I wanted to disappear. The DJ even said “looks like we’ve got a clutz on the dance floor” as I turned beet red picking up broken plate pieces while people whisper-laughed. The bride was furious that her fancy wedding plates were ruined. I really should have just made two trips. Now I’m known as “plate-wrecker” to the whole wedding party.
43. My wife and I recently hosted a dinner party. Everything was going great until I offered to clear some plates from the table. I reached across to grab my neighbor’s half-finished plate, not realizing my shirt sleeve was resting in my own leftover gravy. As I pulled back, my sleeve swept my full plate of food directly into my oblivious neighbor’s lap in one swift motion. He shrieked and jumped up, covered in gravy and mashed potatoes. What ensued was a circus of my other guests leaping up to avoid the food trajectories while I hysterically apologized. My neighbor was furious, my wife was mortified, and no one wanted to sit back down to finish dinner after that debacle. Suffice to say, I am no longer in charge of plate clearing duty when we host. I can’t be trusted after the infamous “gravy shirt” incident of 2020.
