Pencil Puns
1. I tried to use my mechanical pencil, but it led me on.
2. My pencil told me it was too sharp to go to school today. It just needed to relax and take it easy.
3. I entered my pencil in a swimming race, but it could only draw.
4. My pencil doesn’t feel motivated anymore. I guess it’s lost its drive.
5. I couldn’t find my pencil yesterday. Searching for it was pointless.
6. I told my pencil to stop procrastinating and get to the point.
7. My pencil friends say I’m too stubborn. But I’m sticking to my point.
8. The pencil asked if it could race the eraser. The eraser said, “Piece of cake!”
9. I asked my pencil why it was feeling blue. It said it was because it was lead on.
10. The pencil couldn’t make up its mind. It kept going back and forth on decisions.
11. I offered my pencil some paper, but it refused to write. I guess it didn’t have the stomach for it.
12. I told my pencil to stop checking Facebook and get back to work. It needed to focus on the assignment at hand.
13. My pencil said it was too worn out to write anymore. I told it to keep trying and push through to the end.
14. I asked my pencil why it was feeling down. It said it made too many mistakes that couldn’t be erased.
15. I told my pencil it was pointless to keep judging itself. Mistakes help us learn and grow.
16. My pencil said it was having an identity crisis. It didn’t know whether it was 2B or not 2B.
17. I asked my pencil why it was feeling anxious. It said it had high stakes testing coming up.
18. My pencil said it wanted to enter the career world. I told it to stay sharp and it would go far.
19. I told my pencil to think positive thoughts. With the write attitude, anything is possible.
20. My pencil said it wanted to go on vacation. I told it to take a break and recharge.
Pencil One-Liners
21. My pencil cheating on a test? Now that would be wrong on so many levels.
22. My pencil stubbed its toe this morning. Now it’s pointless.
23. Don’t interrupt someone when they’re in deep thought. Could be a #2 pencil.
24. Be careful when you sharpen your pencil. Too much pressure can lead to breakage.
25. Pencil has an exam coming up. The stakes have never been higher.
26. Pencil’s dream is to one day become a permanent marker. Reach for the stars!
27. Pencil hates when people call it “lead.” It identifies as graphite, thank you very much.
28. Why was the pencil hungry? It was craving graphite.
29. Don’t use a pencil to stir your coffee. It will get stained for life.
30. I wouldn’t trust a pencil around Scantron sheets. One accidental mark and it’s all over.
31. Be careful with your freshly sharpened pencil. One wrong move could lead to injury.
32. Don’t let your pencils roll off the table. The fall could cause irreparable damage.
33. Pencil’s greatest fear? The sharpener. *shudders*
34. Why do pencils get tired? They work non-stop from the first page to the last.
35. Pencil’s least favorite holiday? Labor Day. Not a moment of rest.
36. Don’t leave your pencils unsupervised around crayons. Bad influences.
37. How does a pencil stay in shape? Daily aerobics and spinning classes. Gotta stay sharp!
38. Want to make a pencil nervous? Casually wave around an eraser.
39. Be nice to your pencils. One day they may be marking your tests.
40. Don’t let your pencils drink too much coffee. They’ll get overstimulated and make mistakes.
Best Pencil Jokes
41. My friend asked to borrow my pencil during class. I told him, “I don’t think you should rely on my pencil. You need to be responsible for your own writing implements.” He didn’t talk to me for the rest of class.
42. I took my pencil to get its portrait drawn. The artist asked if it wanted color or black and white. My pencil responded, “Do I look grey to you?”
43. My pencil and I were hiking through the woods when suddenly a huge grizzly bear appeared on the trail ahead. My pencil turned to me and whispered, “Please say you have an eraser.”
44. I caught my pencil cheating on a test. When I confronted it, the pencil said, “I’m sorry, the pressure was just too much. I know what I did was wrong on so many levels.” Now our relationship will never be the same.
45. My pencil rolled off the table today and its tip broke when it hit the floor. I tried to console it, but the pencil was inconsolable. It wailed, “My point! My beautiful point! Ruined forever!” It was truly heartbreaking.
46. I saw a robber threatening a man with a pencil yesterday. He kept yelling, “Don’t make me use this! I’ll stab you, I swear!” The man didn’t seem frightened at all. I guess you really can’t beat someone to death with a writing utensil.
47. My pencil and I were working on some difficult math homework. After numerous erased mistakes, my pencil suddenly snapped and broke in half. I guess the problems were just too hard to handle.
48. I accidentally put my pencil in the washing machine and now the lead is all broken and smudged. I tried to fix it but writing is virtually impossible. My pencil is illegible and I just keep shouting “Why? Whyyyyy?” Dramatic much? Yes, but it has been a traumatic day.
49. I grabbed the wrong pencil off my desk today and tried to start writing. But when I put it to paper, nothing happened! Turns out I had grabbed one of those trick fake pencils. We both had a good laugh after the initial shock wore off.
50. My pencil rolled off the kitchen counter today and fell right into the garbage disposal just as my mom turned it on. Let’s just say there was a lot of screaming and crying involved…and the pencil didn’t make it. RIP brave soldier.
51. I accidentally put my pencil in the dryer with a load of laundry. When I took it out, the eraser was completely melted and warped. The pencil point was snapped off too. Devastating laundry malfunction. Both of us will be scarred for life.
52. My cat knocked my pencil off the desk today and then proceeded to bat it around like a toy across the hardwood floors. The pencil is now covered in teeth marks, scratches, and is missing its eraser. My writing utensil has turned into a cat chew toy. Dignity = gone.
53. I was walking down the street while trying to balance my pencil perfectly upright on one finger. The wind picked up suddenly and blew the pencil right off my hand and into traffic, where it was immediately run over by a huge truck. My pencil didn’t stand a chance. Neither of us saw that coming.
