Sherlock Holmes Puns (15)
1. I heard Sherlock Holmes started doing stand up comedy. He has a whole set of Sher-jokes.
2. Sherlock Holmes decided to try his hand at baking. He’s become quite the pie-ron.
3. Did you hear about Sherlock Holmes’ brief stint as a priest? He was great at solving mass mysteries.
4. I heard Sherlock Holmes was hired to find a missing garden tool. He’s on the case of the missing hoe.
5. Sherlock Holmes entered acontest for imitating bird calls. He easily won with his cuckoo clue-coo sounds.
6. Sherlock Holmes decided to become an astronaut. He’s great at solving space mysteries.
7. Did you hear about when Sherlock Holmes lost his violin? It was truly a case without strings.
8. I heard Sherlock Holmes opened up a fast food restaurant. Business is booming thanks to his deducing drive-thru.
9. Sherlock Holmes had a brief stint as a preschool teacher. He excelled at solving the case of the missing snacks.
10. Sherlock Holmes recently got into stamp collecting. He’s fantastic at solving postage mysteries.
11. Did you hear Sherlock Holmes became a professional wrestler? He’s got some killer deduce moves.
12. I heard Sherlock Holmes started doing poetry readings. His rhymes are quite elementary.
13. Sherlock Holmes tried to get into medical school but had to drop out. He just couldn’t solve anatomy mysteries.
14. Sherlock Holmes briefly worked on a fishing boat. Let’s just say he wasn’t cut out for solving bait mysteries.
15. I heard Sherlock Holmes became a dog groomer. Business is booming thanks to his deducting doodles.
Sherlock Holmes One-Liners (15)
16. I asked Sherlock Holmes what his favorite element on the periodic table was. He said, “Detective.”
17. Sherlock Holmes is great at finding missing items. He can spot things in a jiffy!
18. I tried reading Sherlock Holmes’ diary but couldn’t understand his scribbles. His handwriting is practically elementary!
19. Never ask Sherlock Holmes for fashion advice. He thinks deerstalker hats are still in style!
20. Sherlock Holmes is the best at reading people. One look and he can deduce your whole life story!
21. I wouldn’t recommend hiring Sherlock Holmes as your accountant. He’s got no clue about calculating finances!
22. Sherlock Holmes makes a lousy bartender. All he ever serves is straight shots of logic!
23. Don’t ask Sherlock Holmes for directions. His only navigation tool is his super sleuthing skills!
24. Sherlock Holmes stays fit by doing detective workouts. Lots of clue crunches and evidence lunges!
25. I asked Sherlock Holmes what shampoo he uses. Apparently it’s an elementary formula!
26. Never hire Sherlock Holmes as your therapist. All his advice involves investigating your feelings!
27. Sherlock Holmes would be useless on a construction site. The only tools he knows how to use are his eyes!
28. I wouldn’t pick Sherlock Holmes for my quiz team. The only topic he’s got facts on is crime solving!
29. Sherlock Holmes makes for an awful chef. The only thing on the menu is mystery meat!
30. Don’t rely on Sherlock Holmes for tech support. His only computing skill is elementary searches!
Best Sherlock Holmes Jokes (35)
31. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went camping. In the middle of the night, Holmes woke up and elbowed Watson. “Watson! Watson! Look up and tell me what you see!”
Watson said “Well, I see thousands of stars.”
“And what does that tell you?” asked Holmes.
“Astronomically, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.”
“Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.”
“Theologically, it tells me that God is great and we are small and insignificant.”
“Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.”
“What does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes replied: “Someone stole our tent.”
32. Dr. Watson was puzzled. “Holmes, how did you know the suspect had a wooden leg?”
“Elementary, my dear Watson. When he walked, he made a tapping sound like wood hitting the ground. Not to mention the large splinters on his pants.”
“Brilliant Holmes! But how did you know he had a false nose?” asked Watson.
“I did not know that. You astound me with your deduction Watson.”
33. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal, they retired for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes woke up and nudged his faithful friend.
“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.”
“What does that tell you?” Holmes asked.
Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent!”
34. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied: “I see millions of stars.”
“What does that tell you?” Holmes asked.
Watson thought for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent!”
35. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were on a camping trip. After dinner, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake.
“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you deduce.”
Watson replied, “I see millions of stars, which tells me astronomically there are millions of galaxies. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.”
“What does it tell you, Holmes?” Watson asked.
Holmes was silent for a moment then said, “Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent!”
36. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decided to go camping. They spent the day hiking, fishing, and telling stories around the campfire. Exhausted, they crawled into their tent and fell asleep.
Some hours later, Holmes shook Watson awake. “Watson, look up. What do you see?”
“I see a sky full of stars,” Watson replied.
“And what does that tell you?”
“Well, astronomically it suggests the vastness of the universe. Astrologically, the moon is in Uranus. Theologically, it proves the magnificence of God’s creation…”
“No, Watson, you idiot! Someone stole our tent!”
37. It was a chilly night and Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decided to pitch a tent and camp out under the stars. After a hearty meal, the two friends settled down in their sleeping bags and drifted off to sleep.
In the middle of the night, Holmes suddenly woke up Watson.
“Watson! Wake up! Tell me what you see above us.”
Still half asleep, Watson rubbed his eyes and peered up at the night sky.
“Well, astronomically, I observe a vast multitude of stars which implies the boundless extent of the universe. Astrologically, the moon is in the constellation Virgo, signifying harvest and fertility. Meteorologically, the clear sky tells me we shall have good weather tomorrow…”
“No, you dolt!” Holmes interrupted. “Someone stole our tent!”
38. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went camping and pitched their tent under the stars before going to sleep. In the middle of the night, Holmes woke up Watson.
“Watson, look up. What do you see?” he asked.
“I see thousands of stars,” replied Watson.
“And what does that tell you?”
“Well, astronomically, it suggests the vast expanse of the universe. Astrologically, Saturn is in Leo. Theologically, the glory of God’s work is on display. Meteorologically, we can expect clear weather tomorrow…”
“No, Watson, you idiot!” cried Holmes. “Someone stole our tent!”
39. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went camping one night and pitched a tent under the stars. Exhausted, they fell asleep quickly.
Some hours later, Holmes shook Watson awake. “Watson! What do you see?”
Still half asleep, Watson muttered, “I see millions of stars.”
“And what does that tell you?” pressed Holmes.
“Well,” said Watson, pondering, “astronomically, it suggests the vastness of the universe. Astrologically, Saturn is in Leo. Theologically, the glory of God is on display…”
Exasperated, Holmes cried, “No, you dolt! Someone stole our tent!”
40. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went camping in the countryside. After a good meal and bottle of wine, they retired to their tent for the night.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke Watson.
“Watson, look up. What do you see?”
“I see a clear sky full of stars,” replied Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
“Well, astronomically I see that the universe is infinite. Astrologically, I observe Saturn in the Third House. Theologically, it indicates the wonder of God’s creation…”
Holmes interrupted, “No, Watson, you fool! Someone stole our tent!”
41. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decided to go camping. They spent the day fishing, swimming, and drinking before settling into their tent for the night.
In the middle of the night, Holmes woke up Watson.
“Watson, look up. What do you see?”
Still half asleep, Watson replied, “I see thousands of stars glittering in the dark sky.”
“And what does that tell you?” pressed Holmes.
“Well…the vastness of the universe…the wonders of nature…” murmured Watson.
“No, you fool!” cried Holmes. “It means someone stole our tent!”
42. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes woke up Watson.
“Watson! What do you see?”
Still sleepy, Watson replied, “Well I see thousands of stars glittering in the sky.”
“Exactly old friend! And what does that tell you?”
“It tells me we are but a speck in the infinite cosmos. That our planet is but one of billions just in this galaxy alone.”
“No, you idiot! It means someone stole our tent!” yelled Holmes.
43. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went camping and set up their tent under the night sky before going to sleep. Hours later, Holmes shook Watson awake.
“Watson! What do you see above you?”
Still drowsy, Watson murmured, “I see thousands of stars glittering in the black vastness of space.”
“Precisely! And what does that suggest to you?”
“Well…the boundless scale of creation, the majesty of the heavens…”
“No, you fool!” snapped Holmes. “It means someone stole our tent!”
44. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went camping and pitched their tent under the stars. After a hearty meal, they fell asleep.
Hours later, Holmes abruptly woke Watson up.
“Watson! What do you see?”
“Well,” Watson said looking up, “I see a billion stars glittering…”
“Yes?” Holmes said eagerly, “and what else?”
“Well, astronomically it indicates the vastness of the universe. Theologically, it speaks to the majesty of God’s creation…”
“For God’s sake Watson!” Holmes cried. “Somebody stole our tent!”
45. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decided to go camping in the countryside. They spent the evening sitting by the campfire, smoking their pipes and gazing up at the starry night sky.
As they were laying in their tent, Holmes nudged Watson awake.
“Watson! What do you see?”
Still half asleep, Watson murmured “Well, astronomically, I observe Saturn…astrologically, Pisces is in the Seventh House…”
“No, you idiot!” Holmes snapped. “I meant, someone stole our tent!”
46. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were on a camping trip and had turned in for the night when Holmes nudged Watson awake.
“Watson, look up. What do you see?”
“I see thousands of glittering stars,” Watson replied.
“And what does that tell you?” asked Holmes.
“Well astronomically, it suggests the vast expanse of the universe. Theologically, it speaks to God’s infinite power…”
“No, you fool!” interrupted Holmes. “It means someone stole our tent!”
47. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were on a camping holiday. As they lay in their tent, Holmes nudged Watson awake.
“Watson! What do you see?”
Still half-asleep, Watson replied, “Well, I see millions of stars glittering…”
“Precisely! And what does that suggest to you?”
“Well…the grandeur and boundless scale of the heavens…” stammered Watson.
“No, you idiot!” cried Holmes. “It means someone stole our tent!”
48. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were on a camping trip and decided to sleep under the stars. After settling into their sleeping bags, they drifted off.