Measuring Cup Puns (16)
1. I asked my friend if she wanted to hear a joke about measuring cups. She said, “Make it a tall one!”
2. Did you hear about the angry measuring cup? It was always getting steamed.
3. My measuring cups were feeling down, so I tried to lift their spirits. But no matter what I did, they kept measuring themselves against each other.
4. I entered my measuring cups into a comedy competition. But none of them made the cut.
5. What do you call a measuring cup that helps you fix your car? A mechanic fluid ounce.
6. Want to hear a joke about a 1/4 measuring cup? It might not measure up.
7. Why can’t measuring cups ever agree on things? They have different points of view.
8. I was going to make a joke about dry measuring cups, but it lacks liquidity.
9. What do you call a paranoid measuring cup? A nervous perc.
10. Why was the 1-cup measure feeling sad? It thought it didn’t stack up compared to the others.
11. I tried to cheer up my measuring spoons by taking them to a comedy club. But none of the jokes resonated with them.
12. What do you call a measuring cup that works as a chauffeur? A drivin’ fluid ounce!
13. Want to hear a joke about a metric measuring cup? Liter-ally no one will get it.
14. Did you hear about the measuring cup that was arrested? It was charged with volume disturbance.
15. I tried to take a photo of all my measuring cups together, but none of them would fit in the frame.
16. What do you call measuring cups that moonlight as therapists? Counselin’ fluid ounces!
Measuring Cup One-Liners (16)
17. I was going to tell a joke about measuring cups, but I didn’t think you’d get the pint.
18. My measuring cups and I get along swimmingly. You could say we have great chemist-tea.
19. I’d tell you a joke about measuring cups, but it might not measure up.
20. What do you call a sad measuring cup? A melan-fluid-ounce.
21. Want to hear a joke about measuring cups? Let me pour one out for you.
22. Did you hear about the arrogant 2-cup measure? It was full of itself.
23. I’d tell a joke about dry measuring cups, but there’s no liquidity in it.
24. Did you hear about the measuring cup that was asking too many questions? It was getting on everyone’s last nerve perc.
25. Want to hear a joke about my liquid measuring cup? Let’s say it fell a little flat.
26. I asked my measuring cups what the plan was for the day. They said, “Let’s wing quart-er by quart-er!”
27. I tried to take my measuring cups to get their portraits done, but none of them could pintrest.
28. My measuring cups were fighting, so I told them to make ameasurables.
29. Why do measuring cups make bad therapists? They always spill the tea.
30. I tried to set my measuring cups up on a blind date, but there was zero chemist-tea between them!
31. Why don’t antisocial measuring cups have any friends? They don’t make the effort to metric-ate.
32. I asked my measuring cups what time it was. They replied, “Pint o’clock!”
Best Measuring Cup Jokes (17)
33. Last week my 1-cup measure was feeling really down in the dumps. I asked what was wrong and it said, “I’m so depressed, I feel totally useless compared to the bigger measuring cups. I’ll never measure up no matter how hard I try!” I replied, “Don’t be so hard on yourself! After quart, you are my favorite measur– the one I use every single day. Just remember – good things come in small packages!”
34. I recently entered my measuring spoons into a stand up comedy competition. The judging went terribly – none of their jokes seemed to land or resonate with the audience. Finally, the teaspoon got up on stage and said, “Well isn’t this audience a tough crowd to measure up to!” Amazingly, that one tiny joke got the biggest laugh of the night! I guess the teaspoon really knew how to get just the right amount of laughter.
35. Why don’t liquid and dry measuring cups ever work well together on recipes? Because they have fundamentally different points of view when it comes to measurements! The liquid measures think the dry ones aren’t properly accounting for inflation and overflow, while the dry measures think the liquid ones need to learn to contain themselves better. It’s a total measurement meltdown whenever they try collaborate!
36. My friend recently decided to personify her measuring cups by naming them after different cocktails. So now whenever she’s baking, she’ll say things like “Let me get Sambuca’s opinion on this” or “I think Tequila Sunrise might have some insights here.” Well today she was making pancakes, took out the 1/3 cup measure, glanced at it, and burst out laughing. Why? Because she suddenly realized she had a little whiskey in her!
37. I was feeling really depressed last night, so I decided to have a little talk with my measuring cups to try and get my spirits up. The 1 cup measure said “Don’t cry over spilled milk!” Then the 1/4 cup piped up, “Yeah, just remember that good things come in small packages!” Finally, the 1 tablespoon measure added “And the most important ingredient is always a teaspoon of hope!” Their sweet words really measured up – I was smiling again in no time.
38. Why don’t measuring cups ever seem to get along with rulers? Because they have completely different perspectives – the measuring cups think the rulers’ measurements are totally out of whack and not properly calibrated, while the rulers insist that fluid measurements like cups and tablespoons make no logical sense! The two sides have been feuding for years in the Kitchen Supply Store, constantly trying to convert each other to match their own systems. So far, neither side has budged an inch or ounce!
39. I was prepping for a big baking day and wanted to organize my measuring cups from largest to smallest, but when I asked them to line up that way everything dissolved into total chaos! The gallon and quart measures started angrily debating which one was actually bigger, while the 1/8 teaspoon and pinch measures got into a giant shouting match over who was the absolute smallest. Eventually the 1 cup measure started sobbing and wailing “I’ll never measure up to any of you no matter how hard I try!” What a mess – next time I think I’ll just measure everything out one by one.
40. Why don’t liquid and dry measuring cups make good romantic partners? Because when paired together, there’s absolutely zero chemist-tea! The dry measures think their fluid counterparts are far too flighty and unstable, while the liquid measures see the dry ones as way too uptight and rigid. I once tried to set up the 1/3 cup dry measure and the 1/4 cup liquid measure on a date, but they just ended up bickering over fractional differences the entire night!
41. I recently entered my funniest measuring cup into a stand-up comedy competition, convinced it was going to kill with its hilarious routine full of measurement-themed puns. But unfortunately, none of the jokes seemed to land or resonate with the judges and audience. Afterwards, I asked my measuring cup what went wrong. It replied: “I guess my sense of humor doesn’t quiiiite measure up!” Ba-dum-tss!
42. Why can’t you trust a parole officer with measuring cups? Because no matter what, he’ll always assume there are a couple extra fluid ounces you aren’t telling him about!
43. My measuring cups and I were trying to watch the big game last night, but couldn’t agree on anything channel-wise. The 1/4 cup wanted to watch the Food Network, the 1/3 cup opted for HGTV, and the 1/2 cup was convinced that ESPN was the only reasonable choice. Meanwhile the tablespoon and teaspoon were bickering the whole time about volume control. What a mess! Next time, everyone gets to pick their own programming quart-er by quart-er.
44. My best friend is completely obsessed with this guy named Matt Cupp. She’s constantly going on and on about how funny, smart and handsome he is. Well yesterday, she excitedly told me they had finally met up for a first date! I asked her how it went afterward, and she gleefully sighed “Oh my gosh… he is just as wonderful as I imagined. We have so much in chemist-tea!” I just stared at her for a minute until it sunk in. “Wait… Matt Cupp, your new boyfriend… is he actually just one of your MEASURING CUPS?” I shouted. She blushed bright red with embarrassment but couldn’t keep from giggling. Yep, turns out she’s officially dating her 1-cup measure now. I told her she better be careful, because things seem to be getting pretty serious quart-fully fast!
45. What do you call two measuring cups that start aggressively flirting with each other? A measuring match!
46. My measuring cups and I decided to go on a nice relaxing beach vacation together. It turned into the trip from hell though, because the 1/8 teaspoon absolutely refused to go near the ocean! It kept freaking out, saying “There’s no way I’m getting in all that water, I’ll literally drown! Do have any idea how tiny I am??” Meanwhile, the 4 cup measure ran straight into the waves, laughing and yelling “Cannonball!” It made such a gigantic splash that the poor 1/8 teaspoon measure got completely drenched and started wailing hysterically. I won’t be taking THOSE two on vacation together ever again!
47. I came home the other night to find my measuring cup rack completely empty. Every single measure was gone without a trace! Starting to panic about what I would do for my baking needs, I suddenly heard muted shouting coming from the pantry. I threw open the door, and there were all my measuring cups stuffed onto the shelves, grumbling and complaining about the lack of legroom! Apparently they had gotten into a giant argument over who was the largest and most important, so the 1/4 teaspoon climbed up and pushed them all into the pantry to prove a point. After a long talk about not judging others based on size or volume, I think we finally smoothed things over quart-er by quart-er.
48. Why can’t you tell secrets around measuring cups? Because they literally can’t contain themselves! Whenever I try to quietly confer with my 1 cup measure about holiday gift ideas or surprise party plans, it always ends up blurting out little hints and spoilers when we’re around the other cups! Like “Ooh I can’t wait for you to see what she got you, it’s going to be sooo good!” or “Heehee, this is going to be the best birthday party ever!” The worst is when I’m trying to whisper – as soon as it detects the slightest whisper, the measuring cup just automatically yells “SECRET!!” at the top of its lungs. Such a nightmare keeping surprises hidden around those things!!
49. What do you call two measuring cups that start aggressively flirting with each other? A measuring match! I swear, anytime I take my 1 cup and 2 cup liquid measures anywhere near each other, the shameless flirting begins. The 2 cup is always bragging “Well hello there, my my aren’t you looking absolutely PINTsized and adorable today!” Meanwhile the 1 cup measure coos back “Why don’t you come over here big boy, I’d love to get filled up to the brim if you know what I mean!” It’s gotten so absurd I have to keep them stored on totally separate shelves. I’d expect better quart-ement from a couple of serious kitchen tools! But I guess when liquid chemistry takes over, all bets are off.
