Lighter Puns (15)
1. I bought a new lighter that is so futuristic, you could say it’s lighter years ahead of the competition!
2. My lighter went on a diet and started eating less fuel. Now it’s a little lighter.
3. I entered my lighter into a comedy competition. It was so funny, it won lighterally every award!
4. My lighter got sick after Thanksgiving dinner. It ate too much pie and felt a little off kilter.
5. I took my lighter to get its fortune told. The psychic said, “Your future looks bright!”
6. I brought my broken lighter to the gym to get back in shape. Now it has a six flint abs!
7. We were telling lighter jokes around the campfire when suddenly one jumped into the flames. It was just trying to lighten the mood!
8. I brought my lighter on a flight to Las Vegas. It had a gas gambling the whole time!
9. My lighter went to chef school to refine its craft. Now it has ex-flame broiling skills!
10. I entered my lighter into a relay race. It kept passing the flame to stay ahead of the competition!
11. My lighter is writing an autobiography about its life. It’s titled From Duds to Sparks: My Journey to Ignite My Inner Flame.
12. I brought my lighter to a baseball game. It tried to steal third base and got thrown in lighter jail!
13. My lighter started an R&B group with some of its friends. Their band name? Hot and Sparky!
14. I took my lighter to the tropics for vacation. It had a flaming good time soaking up the sun!
15. My lighter refuses to be bad at anything. It always tries to be the brighter one in the room!
Lighter One-Liners (15)
16. I was going to tell my lighter a chemistry joke, but I knew it wouldn’t get the reaction I was looking for.
17. My lighter said it wanted to settle down, so I introduced it to my candle friend. Looks like a perfect match to me!
18. I told my lighter to turn up the flame when telling jokes. It said it prefers self-deflaming humor instead.
19. My lighter entered a flood relief fundraiser. It raised over two million sparks for victims.
20. I caught my lighter stealing coins from my piggy bank. Turns out it needed some extra change to buy more fluid.
21. I asked my lighter why it prefers propane over butane. It said one fuel just sits there, while the other propanes into action!
22. My lighter was struggling as a musician, so I told it to keep its spirits up and success will ignite soon enough.
23. I told my lighter to turn up the heat while grilling burgers. It refused, saying it doesn’t condole violence against meat!
24. I warned my lighter not to tell fiery puns. It retorted, don’t flame me for trying to lighten the mood!
25. I asked my lighter how its comedy act went last night. It said it totally killed, even if some jokes bombed.
26. My lighter loves watching the Olympics. It gets fired up seeing all those flames being lit!
27. I told my lighter I signed it up for arson school as a joke. It refused, saying it doesn’t wish to fuel criminal activity!
28. I warned my lighter about chasing its sparks. It laughed and said dream ignition isn’t a crime!
29. When my lighter runs low on fuel, I tell it to stay positive. A little optimism goes a long way!
30. I asked my lighter why it wastes so much fluid. It claims the excess sparking helps lighten the mood.
Best Lighter Jokes (20)
31. My friend’s lighter was feeling down so I tried to comfort it. “Don’t worry,” I said, “this too shall pass.” Then it exploded into flames, singing my eyebrows! I guess it just needed to vent a little.
32. Yesterday my lighter was moving really slowly so I said, “Come on, can’t you go any faster?!” It turned around and yelled at me, “I’m a lighter, not a torch!” Talk about a heated response!
33. My lighter told me it was pursuing its lifelong dream of becoming a volcano. I told it to quit smoking all that weed and come back down to reality! Dreams of grandeur can really inflame one’s ambitions I suppose.
34. I accidentally washed my lighter and put it in the dryer. It came out feeling defeated, like its spark was completely gone. I told it, “Don’t worry, your pilot light will ignite once again!” Now it sees the warmth at the end of the tunnel.
35. My lighter loves telling long stories that drag on and on. The other day it went on for two hours about the intricacies of propane pricing. I finally interrupted and was like, “You need to give me the abbreviated version!” It snapped back, “FYI, this BIC doesn’t do Cliff Notes!”
36. My lighter fancies itself an artist and keeps submitting entries into gallery shows. I have to keep telling it, “No one wants to see your flaming stick figure drawings!” But it refuses to extinguish its creative spark.
37. My lighter recently got into competitive eating to expand its skillset. The other day it scarfed down a 12-patty hamburger in just three minutes flat! I warned it not to bite off more than it can chew, but I guess it can really turn up the heat!
38. My lighter loves magicians and got really into magic tricks for a while. But its sleight of hand skills aren’t that polished. The other day it tried to pull a quarter from behind my ear and singed off half my eyebrows! I guess not everyone is cut out for pyro-magic.
39. My lighter fancies itself an interior decorator. It keeps suggesting we install shag carpet and granite countertops throughout the house. I finally had to be like, “You have horrible taste…in fact you have NO taste at all! Leave the decor to someone with, you know, actual taste buds!” Harsh I know, but someone had to extinguished its inflated sense of style.
40. My lighter likes to give me fashion advice, but its suggestions are always off. The other day it told me to pair flip flops with an evening gown! I finally turned to it and said, “Listen, when I want wardrobe tips I’ll ask someone who actually wears clothes!” I guess clothes just aren’t its thing.
41. My lighter loves chess but it’s not very good at strategic thinking. The other day it kept trying to move the pawns diagonally. I had to explain, “They can only go forward remember!” It shrugged and said, “My bad, I was taught chess by a box of matches.” At least it has a good sense of humor about losing!
42. My friend’s lighter went on a yoga retreat last month to find its inner zen. But sadly it couldn’t manage even the basics poses. Turns out downward dog is hard when you don’t have arms or legs!Namaste indeed.
43. My lighter fancies itself an expert fisherman even though it doesn’t have opposable thumbs to reel in catches. The other day it claimed to have landed a 50-pound salmon off the pier. I just chuckled and said, “Quit exaggerating…the only thing you ever caught was that tuna sandwich I threw you yesterday!” Boy was it steaming after that quip!
44. My friend’s lighter is obsessed with TikTok lately and is constantly trying out viral dance challenges. But it looks completely ridiculous flailing its metal casing around rhythmlessly. After its attempt at the Woah dance I finally had to tell it frankly, “You have zero future as an influencer…your moves just don’t ignite a spark!” Harsh but true.
45. My friend’s lighter entered our annual chili cookoff contest, claiming its recipe was fire. But sadly it forgot lighters can’t actually taste test. Its chili was basically motor oil and random spices. When asked for the secret ingredient it said proudly “…gasoline!” After that everyone silently agreed it should stick to lighting BBQs only moving forward.
46. My friend’s lighter fancies itself an acclaimed author in its spare time. But sadly publishers aren’t interested in its 400-page manifesto on the intricacies of lighting various brands of cigarettes. When asked how its books are selling, it said, “Well no one has ordered my opus yet but I know Oprah will be calling any day!” Bless its heart…
47. My friend’s lighter loves karaoke night at our local bar but sadly lacks both vocal cords and actual ears. That doesn’t stop it from belting out screechy renditions of Journey songs week after week though! We keep having to remind it tone deafness isn’t actually a legally protected disability. Some flames just can’t be extinguished I guess!