Rich Puns
- I tried to withdraw all my money from the ATM, but it said insufficient funds. How can that be possible when I’m filthy rich?
- My rich friend got food poisoning from eating caviar that had gone bad. I told him that’s what happens when you eat spoiled riches.
- The wealthy heiress was showing off her new Bentley. I told her she should get a Rolls-Royce next to complete her collection of luxury cars. She said, “That’s the plan, I’m just richesing my time until I can afford one.”
- I asked the billionaire if his massive house ever got lonely. He said, “Are you kidding? This place is lousy with riches!”
- The rich couple just had a baby boy. They’ve decided to name him Cha-Ching Ka-Ching.
- My wealthy aunt loves playing the lottery, even though she doesn’t need the money. I guess she just likes taking chances with her riches.
- The rich lady slipped and fell down the stairs in her giant mansion. She’s so accident prone – that’s the tenth tumbles she’s taken this week!
- My affluent friend joined a minimalist movement and got rid of all his possessions. He said he wanted to reduce himself to nothing but the shirt on his riches.
- The billionaire tried to cut back on his spending and live more frugally. His friends joked that he was taking a vow of poor.
- The wealthy socialite was trying to decide between buying a Jaguar or a Porsche. She said it was the hardest choice of her riches.
Rich One-Liners
- My rich uncle’s idea of roughing it is to stay at a 5-star hotel instead of a luxury resort.
- Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.
- I’m so wealthy that my butler has his own butler.
- I have so much money that my dog eats gourmet meals every night.
- I’m so rich that I hire people to spend money for me.
- My home theater has stadium seating.
- My car’s engine is so quiet I can hear the people yelling at me as I drive by.
- I added an extra wing to my mansion because I needed more storage for my money.
- I’m so rich that I have a swimming pool inside my swimming pool.
- I own so many cars that sometimes I can’t remember where I parked my Ferrari.
Best Rich Jokes
21. A very wealthy man decided to throw a massive party for his 50th birthday, so during the party he grabbed the microphone and he announced to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he had a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. He said, “I will give anything they desire of mine to the man who swims across that pool.” So the party continued with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there was a great splash and all the guests of the party ran to the pool to see what had happened. In the pool was a man and he was swimming as hard as he could, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the crowd is cheering and cheering. Finally, the man makes it to the other side of the pool and crawls out onto the ground, tired and bleeding. The billionaire walks up to him and says, “Good effort chap. You win. Anything of mine I can give you – my mansion, my yacht, my private jet – anything you want.” The man looks up and says, “All I want is the name of the person who pushed me into that pool!”
22. One day a very wealthy father took his son on a trip to the country for his birthday. The father wanted to show his son how poor people live, so they spent a couple of days on a farm of a very poor family. When they got back from their trip, the father asked his son, “How was the trip?” “It was great, Dad,” the son replied. “Did you see how poor people can be?” the father asked. “Oh, yeah,” said the son. “So what did you learn?” The son answered, “I saw that we have a dog at home, and they have four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of the garden, and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lamps in the house, and they have the stars. Our patio reaches to the front yard, and they have the whole horizon.” When the little boy was finished, the father was speechless. His son then added, “Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are.”
23. A banker, lawyer, and CEO join a country club. The initiation fee is $1,000,000. The banker says, “No problem. I’ll just pay with a check.” The lawyer says, “I’ll pay by credit card.” The CEO says, “Why should I pay at all? I have so much money, they should be paying me to join!”
24. One day a wealthy man was walking down the street when he noticed a homeless man sitting on the sidewalk. The homeless man had a sign that said “I have nothing, please help.” The rich man sat down next to him and said, “Do you know who I am? I’m one of the richest men in this city. Let me teach you how to get rich like me.” The homeless man listened patiently as the wealthy man explained all his principles of wealth and success. After 45 minutes the rich man asked, “So now do you understand how to become rich and successful?” The homeless man replied, “Yeah I get it. But I have just one question – why are you telling me all this when I asked for spare change?”
25. A very rich man is throwing a party and decides he wants some exotic entertainment. He hears about a man who owns chimpanzees that can dance, so he invites him to bring the act to his party. When the man arrives with the chimps, the rich man says, “I’ll give you $10,000 if you can make these chimps dance for my guests.” The man agrees and lets the chimps out of their cage. Instead of dancing, however, they immediately run amok, throwing food and smashing glasses all over the party. The man apologizes profusely and corrals the rampaging chimps back into their cage. The rich party host says, “Forget the $10,000. I’ll give you $50,000 if you promise never to bring those awful creatures back here!” The man replies, “You’ve got a deal mister. Just keep your money and I promise you’ll never see these crazy chimps again. But I have to warn you about the gorilla in my car.”
26. A billionaire, who was known for being quite miserly, was walking down the street when he noticed a homeless man begging for money. The billionaire walked up to the homeless man and said, “If I give you $20 right now, will you use to get some food and a place to stay for the night?” The homeless man looked up suspiciously and replied, “Wait a second, are you Bill Gates testing me or something?”
27. A very wealthy man decided to go bear hunting in Canada. He hired a local guide and a private helicopter. After a few hours of searching they spot a huge grizzly bear, so the guide says “Go ahead and shoot!” The rich man takes aim with his rifle and fires, but he misses. The enraged bear charges toward them so the guide pulls out a rusty old pistol and BOOM – he kills the bear with one shot. Back at the lodge that night the rich man says to the guide, “That was amazing – you killed that raging bear with a single pistol shot! How did you get to be such an amazing shot?” “I don’t know,” replied the guide, “Ever since I was young I’ve been poor, so for fun I’d go squirrel hunting and gradually learned how to shoot. It’s weird isn’t it? Had I been rich like you, I never would have gotten good at shooting.” The rich man frowned and said, “Wait a second, are you Bill Gates testing me or something?”
28. Three friends – a banker, a mathematician, and a rich man – were arguing about who was the smartest. The banker bragged that money management took amazing intelligence. The mathematician insisted that understanding complex equations took the most brainpower. The rich man just laughed and said, “I don’t need intelligence to get money. People give me money because they think I already have money.”
29. A rich man decided to go sailing alone one day in his very expensive yacht. Unfortunately he ends up shipwrecked on a remote deserted island. After living alone on the island for over 10 years, one day he sees a speck on the horizon. He watches as the speck gets closer and closer, until finally he can see it’s a dinghy carrying a scruffy-looking, bearded man who crashes onto the shore. The rich man runs over yelling “Oh my god, I can’t believe it, I’m saved, saved!” But then he pauses and says “Hang on a second, are you Jesus testing me or something?” And the bearded man replies “No I’m not Jesus, I’m just an Amish cabinet maker.” The rich man throws his arms in the air and cries “Oh lord, my prayers are answered – Furniture!”
Best Rich Jokes (continued)
30. A very wealthy businessman decides to take a hunting trip to Africa. While there, he hires a local guide to take him on a safari. After a few days of hunting, the guide hears some rustling in the bushes. He stops and points at the bushes and says, “Do you see that bush over there moving? There is a lion hiding in there waiting to attack.” The businessman looks confused and says, “That bush isn’t moving at all.” The guide smiles and says, “My apologies, I forgot that you are not used to such danger and peril.” Later, they are walking across an old rope bridge crossing a massive gorge. The guide stops in the middle of the bridge and says, “Do you feel this bridge swaying? There are powerful winds blowing across this gorge.” The businessman shakes his head and says, “What are you talking about? This bridge feels perfectly still.” The guide chuckles and says, “I am truly sorry, I keep forgetting you are not used to such precarious situations.” Finally, on the last day, the guide is leading the businessman through the jungle when he stops suddenly. He points to the ground saying, “Do you see that track right there in the mud? It was made by the deadliest snake in the jungle.” The businessman looks down and back up confused, “I don’t see any track in the mud.” The guide grins slyly and says, “My mistake, I forgot rich people can’t see past the ends of their noses.”
31. A billionaire, politician, and ordinary blue collar worker are sitting at a table talking about what they would do if they suddenly lost all their money and fame. The billionaire says “I would struggle to adjust, but eventually find meaning in simple hard work.” The politician says, “I would be fine, I’m humble at heart and don’t need wealth.” The blue collar worker laughs at both of them and says, “I have a great idea – let’s actually take all your money away and see for real what would happen!”
32. A very wealthy man was throwing a big party at his country estate. As the guests arrived and gathered in the foyer, the rich man greeted them warmly. But he took an immediate dislike to one guest who had shown up dressed in torn, dirty clothing. The rich man took him aside and told him, “You stick out like a sore thumb dressed like that. Here’s $100, go into town right now and get yourself some decent clothes.” An hour later the guest returned, dressed in expensive new tailored clothing. The rich host smiled and said, “That’s much better! By the way, do you happen to have $90 you could lend me? They only had one $10 bill at the store for change.”
33. Bill Gates, Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos meet up for dinner to discuss which states they want to purchase and rule over. Gates says, “I’ll take Washington.” Musk says, “I’ll take California.” Bezos laughs and says, “Haha, nice try you peasants. King Bezos will rule everything!” Gates and Musk exchange nervous glances. Bezos stops laughing and says seriously, “Oh wait, are you Jesus and Buddha testing my humility?”
34. A very rich man is throwing a costume party and invites only the most elite guests. However, when a guest arrives dressed in rags, the host is offended and asks him to leave. The man explains that he’s actually dressed up as Poverty. The host retorts, “Well I certainly don’t want you hanging around my party!” The man replies, “Trust me buddy, from the way you’re acting, I wouldn’t come near YOU with a ten foot pole!”
35. An extremely wealthy man decided to visit a poor rural village while on vacation. The people were awed when he arrived in his fancy clothes and sports car. He said, “I want to live as you do for a week and experience true poverty.” They were skeptical at first but his enthusiasm won them over. He traded his clothes for rags, slept in a shack, and only ate rice and beans. By the third day he’d had enough. He said to one of the villagers, “This is inhuman! How can you stand this meager existence?” The villager looked at him and replied, “I thought you came here to experience poverty, not to lecture us about it.”
Best Rich Jokes (continued)
36. A very wealthy man was invited to have dinner with a charity group that had just received a sizeable donation from him. He arrived in his most expensive suit driving his new limited edition sports car. During dinner, someone asked him, “How did you get your start in business?” The rich man launched into a long story chronicling every smart investment he made over his career. When he finally finished talking, an elderly woman at the table said to him, “It’s amazing how fortunate some people can be in life.” The rich man replied indignantly, “Fortunate? Are you saying my success was due to luck?” The woman said calmly, “No, just that some are born with good fortune, and others with good judgment.” The rich man’s face turned red with anger, while everyone else smiled approvingly.
37. Tom was the wealthiest, most arrogant man in town. He always bragged about how he was superior to everyone else. “I have the biggest house, the nicest cars, the hottest wife, I am the best” he would boast constantly. One day the town’s priest had enough of Tom’s ego and decided to teach him a lesson in humility. He hatched a plan with the local builders. That night as Tom slept, the builders silently moved his entire house half an inch. The next morning when Tom woke up he immediately tripped on his way to the bathroom. His fancy cars wouldn’t start. His shoes didn’t fit right. Everything seemed slightly off kilter. Tom summoned the priest and demanded to know what was going on. The priest replied, “Sometimes the smallest shift in perspective can ground the mightiest ego.”
38. A rich man loved to hear people compliment his wealth. One day he noticed his barber took too long and charged too much. He confronted the barber and announced he was unskilled and overpaid. The barber remained calm and replied, “Sir, you comb the hair you have. I comb the hair I have.” The rich man fell silent, realizing he owed his wealth to privilege while the barber owed his living to labor alone.
39. Martha was a regular lottery player. Each week she dreamed of hitting the jackpot. She fantasized about what she would do with the millions she would win. When she did win $20 million, she went crazy with excitement. She immediately quit her job, booked a first class trip around the world, and purchased expensive jewelry and clothes. Within a few years all the money was gone. When asked what happened Martha explained, “I never imagined I would actually win the lottery. I didn’t know what to do with that much money so I just went wild until it disappeared.”
40. A homeless man was sitting on a park bench when a wealthy-looking businessman sat down next to him. The homeless man figured he must have a lot of wisdom to share, so he asked the businessman what the secret to success was. The businessman thought for a moment then said, “The secret is simply to always make sure your revenues exceed your expenditures.” The homeless man nodded slowly and after a pause replied, “Or you could just move your park bench into the alley behind that seafood restaurant.”
Best Rich Jokes (continued)
41. A billionaire, a CEO, and a janitor are in a room when
