Potato Puns
- What do you call a potato that makes you cry? An emo-tato.
- Why was the potato so sad? It had a chip on its shoulder.
- I was going to tell a joke about potatoes, but it was too corny.
- What do you call a potato that works as a detective? A private eye-daho.
- Why did the potato cross the road? To get to the other fryer.
- What do you call a potato in a hurry? A russet potato.
- What do you call a potato that’s in charge? The head po-tato.
- Why do potatoes make great detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
- What do you call a potato that’s been stolen? A hot pota-to.
- Why are potatoes such good dancers? They have a lot of starch.
Potato One-Liners
- I tried making mashed potatoes, but they ended up all lumpy – talk about first world problems.
- They say you are what you eat, so I guess I’m a couch potato.
- I’m so hungry I could eat a whole bag of potato chips right now.
- My friend thinks he’s so funny with his potato puns, but they just make me want to punch him.
- Potatoes have eyes but they still can’t see where they’re going.
- You say potato, I say where are the fries?
- I ate so many potatoes last night, I think I actually turned into one.
- Potato, potahto – let’s just make some french fries already!
- They laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well no one’s laughing now!
- Did you hear about the psychic potato that could predict the future? His name was Nostra-damus.
Best Potato Jokes
21. A potato farmer was having trouble getting his potatoes to grow properly. No matter what he tried, the potatoes were always undersized and misshapen. Finally, he went to see a respected wise man in his village for advice. “Wise man, I am doing everything right but my potatoes will not grow correctly. What should I do?” The wise man thought for a moment and said “Have you tried talking to your potatoes while they are growing? Maybe they just need some encouragement.” Though skeptical, the farmer returned home and tried it. He went out to his field every day and said things like “Come on potatoes, you can do it! Grow big and strong!” Amazingly, the potatoes grew straight and large that season. The farmer was delighted. He harvested a bumper crop and was able to sell the potatoes for top dollar at the market. Word soon spread around town about the farmer’s success with talking to his potatoes. The next season, other farmers tried the same technique. They were surprised to see it worked for them too! Soon everyone was talking nicely to their crops and producing award-winning vegetables. The wise man’s advice had helped the whole village.
22. One day a potato was strolling through the vegetable aisle of the grocery store when he spotted a display of potato chips. He walked up to the rack and noticed a bag of classic potato chips that looked just like him! Curious, he approached the bag and struck up a conversation. “Say, friend, you look an awful lot like me! Are you from around these parts?” The potato chip bag gazed back silently. “Cat got your tongue?” the potato joked. “Come on, we’re basically brothers!” Still no response came from the bag. Suddenly a shopper turned down the aisle and grabbed the bag of chips. As she placed the chips in her cart, the potato had a startling realization – his kindred spirit potato had been fried and turned into snacks! “Nooooo!” the potato cried out dramatically. “Avenge meeeeee!” But it was too late, the shopper was already on her way to the checkout line. The potato was left saddened and alone once again, vowing to one day exact revenge against the humans for turning his tuber brethren into delicious treats.
23. One night, a robber broke into a house to steal some valuables. As he crept through the rooms, he heard someone in the kitchen. Scared that he might get caught, the robber hid behind a sofa in the living room. Peeking around the corner, he saw a man sitting at the kitchen table peeling potatoes. After watching for a few minutes and seeing that the man was fully focused on his task, the robber had an idea. He would impersonate a ghost to try and scare the man away. Clearing his throat, the robber let out a loud wail. “Oooooooh… I am the ghost of the potatoes you are peeling! Stop right now or you will face my wrath!” The man continued peeling potatoes as if nothing had happened. The robber tried again. “Ooooh I am the angry spirit of this house! Leave immediately or you will regret it!” Still no reaction from the potato peeler. “Hey, I’m a scary ghost! You better run away screaming!” The man peeled his last potato, yawned, and said “Nice try. I know you’re just a robber.” Realizing there was no fooling this guy, the robber sulked away in defeat.
24. Potato was enjoying a lazy day lounging on the couch and watching TV. He kept reaching into the potato chip bag resting on his belly, munching happily on the salty snacks. In between handfuls of chips, Potato would take sips from his soda can. He let out a loud burp. “Ah, this is the life,” Potato sighed contentedly. Just then, the channel switched to a cooking show. On screen, the celebrity chef was demonstrating how to make twice-baked potatoes, loaded up with cheese, bacon, and chives. Potato sat up in alarm. “What treachery is this?!” he exclaimed. The chef scooped out the insides of the baked potatoes, explaining that the shells would be refilled and broiled to perfection. Potato watched in horror as the potato shells were hollowed out and stuffed full. “This is an outrage!” Potato yelled, throwing the remote at the TV. “How could they do this to my brothers?! Have they no dignity? Oh the humanity!” He switched off the TV, fuming. Potato made a silent promise to himself that he would never let that happen to him. He would fight to preserve the sanctity of potatoes everywhere.
25. One summer day, Mom went out into the garden to check on how all the vegetables were growing. The carrots were coming up nicely, the lettuce was a vibrant green, and the potatoes…wait, where were the potato plants? She had planted them weeks ago, but there was no sign of the potato patch. Mom started digging around in the soil, searching for her missing spuds. After some time, she grabbed hold of something round buried deep in the dirt. She gave it a tug and saw it was one of her potato plants! Mom was confused why the potatoes had grown straight down instead of up toward the sun like normal plants. As she continued digging, she uncovered more potato plants that had grown in a bizarre vertical fashion. “Kids!” Mom called out. “Come see this! Our potato plants grew the wrong way and I had to dig them up.” The kids came running over for a look. “We must have planted them upside down by mistake,” laughed Mom. The kids helped dig up the remaining topsy-turvy potatoes. Though they looked a little odd shaped, they were still good to eat once cleaned up. The family learned an important gardening lesson: potatoes need to be planted right-side up!
26. Potato was walking home from the grocery store with a bag of potatoes slung over his shoulder. Humming a tune, he pictured the delicious meal he was going to prepare with his starchy purchases. Suddenly, a robber jumped out from behind a tree and blocked Potato’s path! “Give me those potatoes!” the robber demanded. Potato hugged the bag close to his chest. “No way, these are mine! Go rob someone else!” The robber pulled out a switchblade. “Hand over the potatoes now or else!” he threatened. Potato shook his head defiantly. The robber lunged forward to grab the grocery bag. Quick as a flash, Potato whacked the robber over the head with the sack of potatoes. The heavy spuds knocked the robber unconscious. Potato checked that the villain was out cold, then continued innocently on his way. He glanced back with a smug grin. “Mess with the potato, you get mashed,” Potato chuckled. He got home and cooked up the potatoes into a feast, proud of how he bravely protected his precious cargo and wondering if the robber learned his lesson about not messing with potatoes!
27. What do you call a nervous potato? A jittery spud!
28. How do potatoes practice self-care? By giving each other mashed-sages!
29. Where do potatoes go on vacation? – Idaho-ho!
30. What kind of shoes do potatoes wear? – High tops!
Potato Short Jokes
31. A potato flew out the window and became a French fry.
32. I’m reading a great book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
33. Q: Where do you learn to make potato chips? A: Chip school!
34. Two potatoes were crossing the road. One got mashed.
35. What do you call a potato throwing party? A spud bash!
36. Want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I’m still working on it!
37. Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7-8-9!
38. Where does a sheep go for a haircut? To the baa-baa shop!
39. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? The same middle name!
40. I took my new girlfriend out on our first date to the ice cream factory, and she absolutely loved it! I think I scored some major brownie points.
41. My friend thinks he is so clever when he emphasizes random words, but I think it’s RIDICulous how he talks like that.
42. Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
43. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb!
44. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
45. I entered a contest for worst puns. I submitted ten puns to see if any would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
46. Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind, it’s tearable.
47. I knew I shouldn’t steal the calendar, but the days were numbered and I couldn’t help myself.
48. My friend thinks he’s a parking attendant but I don’t think he gets the ticket.
49. Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a potato? They had great chemistry!
50. What do you call a line of rabbits marching backwards? A receding hare-line!
51. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
52. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
53. I got some new shoes from a drug dealer the other day. I don’t know what they’ve been laced with but I’ve been tripping all day.
54. My friend thinks he’s smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry…so I threw a coconut at his face.
55. I told my carpenter I didn’t want carpeted stairs. He gave me a blank stare.
56. They say nothing rhymes with orange, but I beg to differ; my rap name is Norange.
57. I used to have a fear of hurdles but I got over it.
58. I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
59. Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
60. My wife said I shouldn’t sing “I’m a Believer” at karaoke because it’s too old and overplayed. I thought, “This woman’s crazy. What an idiot!”