Alabama Puns (12)
1. What do you call a toothless man from Alabama? A gummy redneck.
2. Why don’t Alabama families go to the beach? They don’t want to get tide.
3. Why did the Alabama man put wheels on his house? He wanted a mobile home.
4. What do you call an Alabama family reunion? A census.
5. Why do people in Alabama like the movie Frozen so much? Because it’s the first Disney film they’ve ever seen.
6. Why can’t you borrow money from a Alabama man? Because his wife is his sister.
7. Did you hear about the new McDonald’s in Alabama? It has a family discount.
8. Why do Alabama graduations take so long? They have to call each sibling’s name individually.
9. Why did the Alabama man walk into a bar? He was looking for his cousin.
10. How do you know if an Alabama woman is interested in you? She says “Hey there brother.”
11. What’s the Alabama state motto? “At least we’re not Mississippi.”
12. Why do Alabama cemeteries have fences around them? People are just dying to get in.
Alabama One-Liners (10)
13. I asked my Alabama friend how his sister was doing, he said “You mean my wife?”
14. My family tree is just a straight line in Alabama.
15. I took an Alabama girl out on a date and met my entire future in-laws.
16. In Alabama, ‘family reunion’ is just another name for ‘speed dating event’.
17. Alabama tourism slogan: “Come for the football, stay for the cousin.”
18. Guy 1: Are you from Alabama? Guy 2: Yeah, my parents were siblings.
19. They call it the family tree in Alabama because it has no branches.
20. In Alabama we don’t “roll tide”, we keep it in the family.
21. Roses are red, the tide is a rollin’, my cousin is hot, so we got to bonin.
22. Q: Why do folks in Alabama use perfume and cologne? A: Because odor is ida cousin.
Best Alabama Jokes (33)
23. What do a tornado and an Alabama divorce have in common? Either way, someone’s losing a trailer.
24. Did you hear about the new semi-pro football team in Alabama? They’re called the Incestors.
25. How do you circumcise an Alabama boy? Kick his sister in the jaw.
26. A guy in Alabama realizes that it’s Valentine’s Day and he forgot to get something for his girlfriend. So he heads out to buy her a gift. The first store he goes to is a flower shop, but there’s a huge long line. He doesn’t want to wait, so he keeps walking. The next store is a candy shop. Another incredibly long line, so he keeps walking. He checks out a few more stores with really long lines, and finally ends up at a meat shop. There’s no line, so he goes in and buys a nice steak for his girlfriend. That night at dinner, she sees the gift and says, “Oh wow, you remembered Valentine’s Day! And this is so perfect, because I’m making you steaks tonight!” The guy just shrugs and says, “Yeah, I figured this was the best I could do on such short notice since there was a line at the florist, a line at the candy store, and even a line at the card shop.”
27. What’s the only sign of virginity in Alabama? A family photo with a bride wearing white.
28. Why do folks in Alabama hang their family photos in the living room? So the kids don’t have to go far when they start dating.
29. Did you hear about the new Netflix show set in Alabama? It’s called “Keeping up with my Cousins”.
30. Why do girls in Alabama wear so much make-up? To keep the boys from recognizing their mothers and sisters.
31. What’s the biggest difference between an Alabama family reunion and a family reunion in any other state? The lack of last names on the name tags in Alabama.
32. Did you hear about the wedding in Alabama where the bride also threw the bouquet for herself? She caught it too.
33. Why do folks in Alabama not commit incest? Too hard to fill out the family tree at the wedding when the branches don’t fork.
34. Why do Alabama brides wear their wedding gowns high and tight? So it can be re-worn at the next family wedding.
35. Did you hear about the cancellations of family reunions in Alabama this year? They’re worried about catching coronas from Corollas.
36. Why do folks in Alabama get married so young? To ensure their first baby attends the same middle school as them.
37. How can you tell if a girl in Alabama is still a virgin? She can run faster than her brothers.
38. Did you hear about the straight parade they had in Alabama? Only one guy showed up.
39. Why did the Alabama girl think her brother was good in bed? He told her so.
40. Why do Alabama brides wear white? So the dishwasher matches the fridge.
41. What do you get when you mate a groundhog and an Alabama girl? Six more weeks of inbreeding.
42. Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Alabama? Half the dorms lost their night lights.
43. Why do Alabama brides put on fake pearl necklaces right before the wedding? Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.
44. What’s the difference between Bama girls and cheerleaders? Cheerleaders shout, “Go! Team! Go!” and Bama girls shout “Bro! Dad! No!
45. How do people learn the Alabama state dance? It’s passed down from Kin to Kin.
46. Why don’t Alabama families double date? Because that would be a foursome.
47. Why was the Alabama girl crying on her wedding day? She realized she wouldn’t be able to wear white for her next wedding.
48. Did you hear about the new couple’s therapy retreat opening in Alabama? It’s for helping first cousins transition into marriage.
49. Why do folks in Alabama like Halloween so much? They get to wear masks.
50. Why does Alabama have so many NASCAR fans? So they have a supportive community after dating their cousins.
51. Why do folks in Alabama drive cars with tinted windows? So no one sees them making out with their cousin.
52. Why is Every Child Matters trending more in Alabama than anywhere else lately? *crickets*
53. Why do folks in Alabama get degrees? It’s the only way they’ll become a doctor without marrying one.
54. Why does Santa Claus like delivering gifts to Alabama? He only has to visit half the homes.
55. Why do Alabama families shop at the dollar store for Christmas gifts? Everything is 100% off for them.
