Vase Puns
1. I was going to make a flower pun, but I realized it would just fall flat.
2. What did the vase say to the other vase? We make quite the pair!
3. Why was the vase angry at its flowers? They kept giving it lip.
4. My friend got me a vase for my birthday. You could say it was a vase-to-face gift.
5. I heard there’s going to be a convention for vase enthusiasts. People are going to come from far and wide.
6. Did you hear about the vase that was feeling under the weather? It had a bad case of the sniffles.
7. Why are vases so popular during the holidays? They make great Christmas presents!
8. Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
9. I was going to tell a joke about vases, but it would probably crack you up.
10. Did you hear about the vase that went on vacation? It had a smashing good time!
Vase One-Liners
11. I guess you could say that vase really holds water!
12. That’s one good looking vase – I bet it gets a lot of compliments!
13. Why was the vase crying? It was in tiers.
14. What do you call a vase that holds snacks? A vase full of craisin.
15. I heard there’s a new app that’s like Tinder but for finding vases. It’s called VaseMatch.
16. What do you call a vase that’s afraid of heights? A vase-trophobic!
17. Why can’t a vase keep a secret? Because it always spills the tea!
18. Want to hear my favorite vase pickup line? Nice stems!
19. Why couldn’t the vase skate very well? It kept falling on its face!
20. What do you call a vase that breaks out in song? A singing vase!
Best Vase Jokes
21. A man walked into an antique shop looking to buy a vase for his wife. The shopkeeper showed him a beautiful ornate vase from the 17th century. “It’s very rare and expensive,” the shopkeeper warned. The man asked, “How much?” “$5,000 – it’s hundreds of years old from the Ming dynasty!” The man considered it but ultimately decided it was too much for a vase. As he left the disappointed shopkeeper called after him, “OK sir, I can cut you a deal, how about $50?” The man stopped and said, “Wait a minute, you just said this vase is hundreds of years old and worth thousands. Now it’s $50?” To which the shopkeeper shrugged and said, “Hey it’s been a Ming vase ever since you walked in here.”
22. Sally was hosting a dinner party and put out her most expensive vase as the centerpiece. During dinner, she noticed her young son Jack eyeing the beautiful crystal vase and decided she’d better move it to a safer location. As she was carrying the vase into the kitchen, it slipped out of her hands and broke into pieces on the floor. After returning to the dining table, Sally saw that Jack was missing from his seat. She walked into the room where she had broken the vase and found Jack looking at the broken pieces with tears in his eyes. He asked “Mommy does this mean we can’t have little brother now?”
23. Tom was out antiquing one day when he came across an old dusty vase at a garage sale. He inspected the intricate blue and white designs and realized it might be valuable. Excited, he asked the seller, “Where did you get this beautiful vase?” The old woman replied, “It’s an antique, been in my family for generations, passed down from my great grandmother. Legend has it that it’s a magical vase that can grant you one wish if you rub it.” Tom couldn’t believe it, he thought the woman might really think it had magical powers in order to get more money for it. Wanting to test her, he asked with a sly smile, “So if this vase grants wishes, what would you wish for?” Without hesitating, the old woman said “Well my husband Sam passed a few years ago….I’d wish to have him back.” Tom felt a little bad, but replied “Well hey you never know unless you try – go ahead and give it a little rub.” The old woman’s eyes lit up as she eagerly took the vase from Tom and rubbed it vigorously on the side. They waited and waited in awkward silence. Finally Tom broke the silence – “Um…sorry…I don’t think it’s actually magic. Maybe Sam was just very old?” The old woman sighed and said “You’re probably right. You know, come to think of it, I would actually wish for a kinder husband – one who didn’t beat me senseless for fifty years.” Tom slowly started backing away without saying a word, leaving the vase behind.
24. A famous sculptor was working in his studio when he noticed his young apprentice staring over his shoulder intensely at the vase he was crafting. Annoyed, he said in a scolding voice, “Did you not hear me asking you to go fetch my carving tools?” The child replied, “Yes master, terribly sorry! I was lost in thought admiring your masterpiece of a vase taking shape and couldn’t tear my eyes away from your skilled craftsmanship.” Flattered, the sculptor started describing his artistic process and explaining the intricacies of working with clay. After over an hour lecturing about ceramics, the sculptor paused and said, “Alright my boy, off you go now to the supply shed. The light is fading and we must work quickly!” The young boy frowned, “But master, when you first asked me to fetch the carving tools you said ‘vase and desist!'”
25. Did you hear about the wedding where the vows were said around a vase instead of rings? The guests said it really cemented the relationship.
26. What do Alexander the Great and porcelain vases have in common? They both leave an impact wherever they’re shattered.
27. My friend was fixing an 18th century Chinese vase when he accidentally knocked it over. Now it’s even more valuable after it Ming’d with the floor!
28. I was trying to glue back a broken vase when a genie popped out saying “I shall grant you one wish for freeing me from that vase!” Being realistic, I said “Genie, vases can’t hold genies.” He replied “Well you clearly rubbed me the wrong way.”
29. Why did the antique vase prefer Uber? It didn’t want to be Ming’d!
30. How do you fix a broken vase? With a little patience and time… just kidding, that’s how you heal a broken heart. For a vase you’ll need some strong glue.
31. I accidentally knocked over a 2000 year old vase at this museum. The employees were initially upset but then I helped sweep up and put the pieces back together. Now they’re saying it’s even more valuable than before thanks to my quick thinking! It just goes to show – one Ming’s trash is another Ming’s treasure!
32. My friend bought an antique vase from a Chinese woman at a yard sale. When he got home he found an old lamp inside. He eagerly rubbed it and a genie appeared, offering to grant him one wish. My friend thought carefully and said, “You know, I’ve always wanted to go visit China…” The genie cut him off, shouting “You idiot! I was free already!”
33. Why should you never trust a misshapen vase? Because it’s a warped porcelain!
34. I recently treated myself to an expensive antique vase. My wife was furious that I spent so much, saying I have an unhealthy addiction to Ming vaseliness.
