Turtle Puns
1. What do you call a turtle who loves to read? A bookworm!
2. Why don’t turtles ever play games together? They prefer to shell-ebrate alone.
3. What’s a turtle’s favorite type of shoes? Shell-toes!
4. Why don’t turtles believe in volunteering? Because they like to shell-ish all their time for themselves.
5. What do you call a turtle who does karate? A ninja tur-tle!
6. Why are turtles always ready for bed? They sleep in their shell-jamas.
7. What do you call a turtle who works as a cook? A shelleon!
8. Why do turtle pilots get lost easily? They only know their shell-ter coordinates.
9. What do you call turtles who live in the Arctic? Shell-dwellers!
10. Why are turtles good stitchers? They have a shell-uva steady hand.
11. What do you call a psychic turtle? A tortoise-teller!
12. How does a turtle groom its shell? With shell-ac!
Turtle One-Liners
13. I took my turtles to get pedicures, but they weren’t fans of getting their shells polished.
14. My pet turtle loves listening to music, especially rock and roll—he’s a huge fan of The Shell-tering 60s.
15. Turtles may withdraw into their shells, but they never turtle-ly abandon their friends.
16. They say turtles are slow, but my pet turtle runscircles around others when food’s involved!
17. Turtles are resilience goals—they take hard shells in stride and keep marching on.
18. Turtles may seem shell-fish with their private little homes, but they have huge hearts under those shells.
19. Turtles aren’t afraid to stick their necks out for what they believe in—just like my pet turtle defending his lettuce!
20. My turtle loves basking in the sun so much, I call him Sir Basks-A-Lot.
21. Turtles aren’t known for speed, but watch mine go when there are worms to be eaten!
22. No shell-ter can contain my pet turtle when he’s craving fruit—he’ll stop at nothing to get it!
Best Turtle Jokes
23. What do you call a tiny turtle who acts like a big shot? A little shell of his former self!
Two turtles named Speedy and Lulu were having a race across the pond. Speedy was ahead most of the way, but right at the end, Lulu sprinted and overtook him.
“Wow, nice shell Lulu!” Speedy said. “You really turtle-y pulled it out in the end there!”
24. How do turtles communicate? By shell phones of course!
My friend Terry the Turtle loves gadgets. He just got the new shell phone 11 with extra storage for more selfies of his cute turtle face! Now we can call each other up and have long chats about our days.
25. Why don’t turtles ever win at hide and seek? They’re always sticking their necks out!
Timmy the Turtle loved playing hide and seek with his friends, but he could never quite get the hang of it. No matter where he hid—behind a rock, inside a hollow log, buried in the sand—he always got too excited and popped his little head out to see if anyone was close to finding him yet. Poor Timmy—some turtles just aren’t cut out for stealth mode!
26. What’s a turtle’s favorite workout? Shell-fies!
Tina the Turtle is obsessed with taking photos of her shell from every imaginable angle. She takes them lifting weights, balancing on a stability ball, doing yoga poses, you name it. Tina has shell-fies doing just about every workout you can imagine! Her social media feeds are full of her creative shots showing off her strong core and sculpted shell. She says taking all those photos really gets her heart rate up too—shell-fies are the perfect cardio workout!
27. Why did the turtle get detention? For being a reptile offender!
Mark the Turtle was always getting into trouble at school. He just couldn’t resist pulling pranks on the other students like putting mud in their cubbies or drawing silly faces on the whiteboard when the teacher wasn’t looking. One day he got caught drawing a mustache on the principal’s portrait. Mark had to stay late for detention, but it was worth it to give the principal a good shell-acking!
28. What’s a turtle’s favorite candy? Skittle turtles!
Little Timmy Turtle loved visiting the candy shop. His eyes would get as big as sand dollars as he stared at all the sweets. But Timmy always knew just what he wanted—a big bag of skittle turtles! He loved nibbling on the colorful candy shells and licking the sweet fruity centers. The skittle turtles looked just like him in candy form!
29. Why don’t turtles tell jokes? They can’t help but crack their shell up!
Marty the Turtle loved telling jokes and puns to his turtle buddies, but he could never get through a full joke without bursting into laughter. After saying just a few words, Marty would start cracking up at his own joke. His friends didn’t mind though—Marty’s contagious laughter always put them in a good mood! Though the jokes were hilarious, Marty’s epic shell-cracking cackle was the real punchline.
30. What’s a turtle’s favorite sport? Shell-tering!
Ty the Turtle loved playing sports with the other pond animals, but shell-tering was by far his favorite. For this game, the turtles would line up on one side of the pond while the frogs sat on the other side. When the frog referee shouted “Go!” the turtles would swim as fast as they could across the pond to “shell-ter” the frogs with their sturdy shells. Ty loved the thrill of paddling hard against the water and protecting his amphibian friends. For turtles, shell-tering is definitely the most shell-tisfying sport!
More Turtle Puns
31. What do you call a laidback turtle? Shell-axed!
32. What’s a turtle’s favorite dance move? The shell-shake!
33. Why don’t turtles tell secrets? They keep them in their shell-ters!
34. What’s a turtle’s favorite type of tree? A shell-terbelt!
35. Why do turtle singers have good range? They have great shell-f control!
36. What do turtles use to cut their food? Shell-vers!
37. Why don’t turtles eat dessert? They’re on shell-restricted diets!
38. How do turtles keep their makeup from rubbing off? Shell-ack!
39. What do you call a turtle who does magic tricks? A shell-ebritician!
40. Why are turtles good dancers? They know how to shell-ey their hips!
More Turtle One-Liners
41. My turtle loves bath time so much, his shell is squeaky clean!
42. Don’t be fooled by their stern shells—turtles have a soft side too.
43. Turtles may carry their homes on their backs, but they have open hearts and minds.
44. Turtles are always dressed for success—they wear business shells.
45. Turtles don’t stress about life’s troubles—they take it all in their stride.
46. They say slow and steady wins the race, and turtles prove that every day.
47. Turtles aren’t speed demons, but they’ll zoom to dinner faster than you can say lettuce.
48. My turtle is a real jet-setter—he loves vacationing and shell-ebrating new places!
More Best Turtle Jokes
49. What do you call a sleepy turtle? A nap-leon!
Napoleon the Turtle loved dozing off, especially during class. His teacher would be explaining mathematical shell-utions and Napoleon’s eyes would slowly close behind his glasses. His head would droop down until he was in a full-on nap. The other students snickered as Napoleon snored away. After class, the teacher gently nudged him awake. “Napoleon, no more napping!” At least they couldn’t accuse him of napping on the job…turtle school was hard work!
50. How does a turtle stay connected? With the inter-shell-net!
Donny the Tech Turtle loved being on the cutting shell of technology. He was the first turtle in his pond to get the inter-shell-net installed in his shell. Now Donny could surf the web and stay connected with turtles around the world. He especially loved chatting on TurtleBook, InstagramShell, and WhatsClam. Thanks to the inter-shell-net, Donny is totally plugged into the digital turtle community!
51. Why are turtle parents so stressed? They have a whole shell of a lot to worry about!
Shelly and Sheldon were nervous turtle parents who wanted the absolute best for their hatchlings. They triple checked that the nest temperature was perfect for incubation. They fretted over the babies finding enough food after hatching. And they constantly warned them, “Don’t talk to snapping turtles!” “Watch out for nets!” Their little hatchlings may have been embarrassed by all the smothering worry, but Shelly and Sheldon were just watching their shells.
52. Why don’t turtles binge watch TV? They don’t want to get out of their shell!
Jerry the Turtle loved relaxing at home out of his shell. He would eat a leisurely lettuce lunch, listen to music, and read a good book. But he never spent hours watching TV or scrolling the internet. Jerry preferred using his imagination or learning new things. “Too much screen time isn’t good for you,” he’d say. “It’s better to sometimes do activities out of your shell!” His friends admired Jerry’s self-control. Not all turtles can avoid bingeing!
53. How does a turtle text? With his shell phone of course!
Frankie was the coolest turtle in his pond. All the other teenagers loved hanging out with Frankie because he had the latest cell phone. They were amazed that he could text with his fins. Frankie would hold his shell phone sideways and rapidly tap the touch screen. His dexterous fins allowed him to fire off texts to all his friends asking “Wanna swim later?” or “There’s a rad party tonight!” Thanks to shell phones, turtles like Frankie can stay connected underwater!
54. Why did the turtle get a parking ticket? For shell-fishing!
Derek the Turtle was running late for an important business meeting downtown. He swerved his car into the first spot he saw and raced into the building. When Derek came back an hour later, there was a parking ticket stuck to his windshield. The parking officer had cited Derek for parking illegally in a shell-fish loading zone. Derek shook his head—he should have realized that space was for deliveries only! His shell-fish move had cost him big time.
55. Where do turtle quarterbacks study? Turtle Dame University!
All the best football players know that Turtle Dame has the top shell-legiate program around. Their quarterback has won the Shelleisman trophy three years running, and a dozen All-American turtles have played for the Fighting Shellbacks. Turtle Dame recruits the most athletically gifted turtles from high schools all over. Their football program is shell-ebrated far and wide. Let’s give a shell-out to TDU for being the ultimate turtle training ground!
56. Why was the turtle teacher angry? Her students were being shell-fish!
Mrs. Shelldon was at her wit’s end with her first grade turtle students. They refused to share art supplies, hoarded treats to themselves, and never let others play with the building blocks. The little turtles were being rude and shell-fish! At story time, Mrs. Shelldon read them the fable about the hare and the tortoise. She explained how the moral is that slow and steady wins the race, not greedy and hasty. From then on, her students started acting a little kinder and sharing more. The story really got through their thick shells!
57. What’s a turtle’s favorite TV channel? Shell-spanic!
Juan the Turtle loved watching telenovelas on Shell-spanic, the channel with all the best drama series and soap operas. He would hurry home from work each day eager to find out if Catalina would marry Alejandro. The plot twists kept Juan on the edge of his shell! Shell-spanic had novelas about turtle families, doctors, romance, and more. The emotional acting and outrageous storylines gave Juan a thrilling escape from everyday life. For shell-sational entertainment, Juan always turned to Shell-spanic.
58. Why are turtles good dancers? They can salsa with their shells!
It was party night in the pond, and Miguel the Turtle wanted to impress everyone with his dance moves. As the Latin music started, Miguel slid onto the dance floor spinning and dipping. His shell swayed and shook to the rhythm. The other turtles clapped as Miguel’s feet turbo-tapped against the ground. He slung his shell around so fast, it was a blur. Miguel had everyone cheering with excitement over his fiery salsa skills. Thanks to his shell, this turtle could dance circles around anybody!
