Toothpaste Puns (20)
1. Why was the tube of toothpaste feeling down? It was squeezed out.
2. What do you call an electric toothbrush that runs out of battery? A paste pusher.
3. My dentist told me to switch to an all-natural toothpaste. I said, “You mean I have to give up my Colgate?” He said, “Yes, you need to go through a Crest withdrawal.”
4. I was brushing my teeth when I noticed the expiration date on my toothpaste was a week ago. I guess I better throw it out since it’s Paste-due.
5. I accidentally bought pumpkin spice flavored toothpaste. Now my breath smells like a latte.
6. What do you call stolen toothpaste? Contra-band.
7. My friend got arrested for stealing toothpaste. He was charged with cresting and entering.
8. I entered my dog in an ugly contest but had to take him out when I realized the prize was a year’s supply of toothpaste.
9. I’m so addicted to toothpaste that I brush my teeth between meals. I just can’t get enough of that Minty Freshness.
10. I was excited when I heard they came out with bacon flavored toothpaste. But it turned out to be a Prank – just regular mint toothpaste.
11. My dentist told me I’m brushing my teeth too hard. I guess I have an abrasive personality.
12. I’m trying to sell my homemade, artisanal toothpaste on Etsy. So far no one wants to buy something called “Plaque Be Gone.”
13. My dentist said all the toothpaste residue in my sink drain is causing problems. I told him my Colgate keeps overflowing.
14. I entered the strong man competition but only made it halfway through the tube squeezing event.
15. When I stayed at a hotel, I forgot my toothpaste. Luckily, they provided a mini tube of toothpaste – talk about hospitality!
16. My dentist told me to use a softer toothbrush, so I’ve switched to using a feather duster.
17. I’m so paranoid about my teeth, I wear a bicycle helmet when I brush them.
18. I got pulled over for not wearing my seatbelt, but got off with just a warning when I showed the officer my teeth – he could see I practice good dental hygiene.
19. My dentist said I need to start flossing daily. I told him, “That’s going to be a stretch.”
20. I accidentally bought garlic flavored toothpaste. Let’s just say I have avoided getting too close to anyone since.
Toothpaste One-Liners (20)
21. My dentist recommended using an electric toothbrush, but I said I’ll just stick to the manual – don’t want to end up with too much plaque.
22. I’m thrilled when I get to the end of my toothpaste tube – it means I get to savor that last bit of freshness by cutting it open.
23. My favorite toothpaste flavor used to be bubblegum, but I’ve since mint my ways.
24. I asked my dentist if whitening toothpaste really works, he said the truth will plaque free.
25. You know that last bit of toothpaste that gets stuck in the tube? I fluoride the rest of it might go to waste.
26. I caught my son trying to brush the dog’s teeth with my toothpaste – boy, did I chew him out.
27. My niece asked why toothpaste is white but makes your teeth whiter – kid’s got a Pepsodent mind.
28. Bought toothpaste with sparkles thinking my smile would dazzle, but it was just a Crest letdown.
29. Got pulled over and the officer asked if I knew why, I said “Is there something stuck in my teeth?”
30. I’ll never understand people who squeeze the toothpaste from the middle of the tube.
31. My dentist shamed me for not flossing, but the tooth hurts.
32. Tried using chocolate toothpaste, but it was too cavity inducing.
33. Accidentally used hair gel instead of toothpaste, had the freshest mouth fro ever.
34. My teeth were so yellow, traffic slowed down when I smiled. But Crest Whitestrips saved the day.
35. Thought my electric toothbrush ran out of battery, turns out it just needed a good Colgate.
36. My dentist recommended I use a firm toothbrush, but I prefer ones that are more Sensodyne.
37. I worry what toothpaste companies use for testing – thank goodness for ethics committees.
38. My neighbor tried making homemade toothpaste with baking soda, worst idea ever.
39. Caught myself singing in the bathroom mirror with toothpaste foam in my mouth – at least the acoustics were Minty.
40. My biggest disappointment in life is how toothpaste tubes are never fully squeezable.
Best Toothpaste Jokes (41)
41. Last night, a robber broke into my apartment and stole all my toothpaste. I’m pretty worried about it as the tubes were clearly labelled “Poison”.
42. My girlfriend asked if I could pick up some toothpaste on the way home. I told her “I gotchu babe” and came back with 10 tubes. She looked confused until I smiled and sang “All I want for Christmasssss is my two front teeth!”
43. I accidentally grabbed the super glue instead of toothpaste this morning. After brushing, I tried to rinse but my mouth was completely stuck shut. I walked around all day silently pointing at my mouth while people just nodded politely and avoided me.
44. My dentist just pulled my wisdom teeth and gave me a prescription for painkillers. But they make me so loopy that I accidentally brushed my teeth with shaving cream this morning. On the plus side, my face has never been so smooth and I can whistle through the gaping holes in my gums.
45. Ever since I switched to charcoal toothpaste, my smile has been giving me an identity crisis. Am I at a Hollywood movie premier or a backyard BBQ? My shiny whites say red carpet but my smokey black teeth say ribs and beer.
46. I was running really late for a job interview so I tried brushing my teeth in the car. Let’s just say spearmint toothpaste does not complement upholstery well. And getting pulled over with a mouth full of foam and both hands on the wheel was not a great look. Pretty sure I’m not getting that job…or my safety deposit back.
47. My roommate always uses my toothpaste but never replace it. Last night I replaced it with glue. He hasn’t spoken to me all day but his smile looks great.
48. I recently switched to a new eco-friendly toothpaste. It has plastic micro-beads to help exfoliate your gums and essential oils for fresh breath. The only downsides are the dead fish taste and the waxy sealant that coats your teeth for 12 hours to protect enamel. Who needs to eat or talk anyway? Mother Earth thanks you for your sacrifice.
49. Bought a new brand of toothpaste called SparkleWhite Optimizer Gel for Sensitive Teeth. It bleached my teeth alright…to an aggressive radioactive glow-in-the-dark blue. Let’s just say I spend more time brushing with the lights off now. At least the cavity creeps run away scared.
50. Tried a new cinnamon toothpaste that promised “an explosion of freshness” in my mouth. It tasted great at first but then the burning sensation started…and didn’t stop. Turns out they use ghost pepper extract for that tingly feeling. My gums are peeling off in chunks and I can’t feel my face. But at least my spice tolerance is through the roof now!
51. Got tired of my kids not squeezing the toothpaste tube from the bottom. So I filled the crimped end with ketchup last night. You should have seen their faces when they brushed their teeth this morning! Pretty sure they’ll be squeezing correctly from now on.
52. I recently bought a new teeth whitening toothpaste that guarantees “Noticeably Whiter Teeth in 3 Days.” Well I’m on day 5 and my teeth are literally so white they glow in the dark. I look like a deep sea fish when I open my mouth. Starting to regret not reading the fine print on this stuff.
53. My wife was complaining about how much toothpaste I use so yesterday I decided to prove I don’t need that much. I put the tiniest little pea sized dollop on my brush. She was right, I ended up just smearing it all over my teeth with barely any foam. 0/10 would not recommend the pea method.
54. I ran out of my favorite toothpaste so I decided to make my own by mixing baking soda and hydrogen peroxide. My teeth have never felt so clean! The only downside is this crazy foaming explosion that happens every time I brush. Also probably shouldn’t have swallowed that mouthful of fizz. But my dentist will be so proud of me at my next checkup!
55. Tried a new charcoal toothpaste that promised whitening power. It definitely cleaned my teeth but also stained my sink, hands, and bathroom counter jet black. I look like I just ate an exploded newspaper. Not sure the tradeoff was worth it. At least I’m helping the Goth aesthetic become mainstream?
56. Accidentally left an open tube of toothpaste in my gym bag all week. By the time I got to the gym and brushed my teeth, it had fermented into a fizzy, tangy paste. Let’s just say the foam it created was not the normal white minty kind…my locker neighbors were not thrilled with the blueberry explosion I “brushed” all over them.
57. I bought new toothpaste with smiling, attractive people on the box so my teeth would start looking as white and perfect as the models. But I’m halfway through the tube now and my smile has yet to go high fashion. Starting to think this toothpaste is all looks and no dental hygiene help.
58. Got sick of my husband leaving the toothpaste cap off so I passive-aggressively glued it shut one night. The next morning I was woken up by a blood-curdling scream and walked into the bathroom to find his toothbrush shoved in the open tube. He hasn’t made that mistake since!
59. My dentist said I need to brush more gently because my gums are receding. So I switched to a baby toothbrush hoping the soft bristles would help. But now I can’t get rid of any of the food stuck in my teeth and I just look like a grown man with blue Barney toothpaste dribbling down his chin.
60. I love minty toothpastes – the icier the better! So I decided to upgrade and started brushing my teeth with actual mint leaves. It’s like an arctic iceberg exploding in my mouth. Plus it’s all natural for when I inevitably swallow half the plant while brushing. Who needs enamel anyway when you have that fresh herbaceous tingle?
61. Accidentally grabbed the BenGay instead of toothpaste last night. Let’s just say my mouth has never been more wide awake, my gums are on fire, and this muscle rub does NOT pair well with orange juice. I’m now a walking advertisement for proper dental hygiene. Lesson learned.
62. I tried to sneak through TSA with my 4oz jumbo tube of toothpaste. Turns out “But I NEED my tartar control gel!” is not an acceptable excuse for breaking the liquid rules. Now I’m the weirdo buying toothpaste at the airport gift shop.
63. Tried one of those new eco-friendly bamboo toothbrushes. The bristles felt nice and soft at first, but after a few days, started splintering apart in my mouth. I’ve never flossed more plant fibers from my teeth. Back to regular plastic toothbrushes for me.
64. Accidentally bought kid’s unicorn sparkle toothpaste. My teeth literally sparkled after I brushed. On the plus side, my niece loved it when I smiled. On the down side, my coworkers kept asking if I joined the Twilight cast as one of those diamond skin vampires.
65. I love charcoal toothpaste in theory, but no matter how carefully I try to brush, I always end up looking like I just ate an exploded chimney. And trying to rinse the black grit from a white sink is an exercise in futility. I may have cleaner teeth but my bathroom looks like a crime scene.
66. Tried using an electric toothbrush for the first time and it was so intense my gums started bleeding. Then when I went to rinse I realized the charger was still attached and dropped the whole thing in the sink. There was a sizzling noise followed by a pop and now my bathroom smells like burnt plastic. Back to the boring old manual for me.
67. I was really congested last night and accidentally grabbed the vapor rub instead of toothpaste. Let’s just say my sinuses have never been so clear but I can’t feel my mouth and may have accidentally swallowed a blob of menthol. At least my teeth were shiny? But breathing fire all day was not minty fresh.
68. I’m a creature of habit when it comes to my dental routine. So when the grocery was out of my regular toothpaste, I had a full meltdown in the aisle. How will I cope without my tartar control gel?! Eventually my wife convinced me to try a new brand, but I’m still not convinced it cleans as well as my precious Colgate.
69. Accidentally bought glow-in-the-dark toothpaste meant for Halloween costumes. My kids thought it was the coolest thing ever. But it turns out glowing blue foam dripping down your chin isn’t necessarily an office appropriate look. My coworkers were disturbed and I had toothpaste stains on my face all day.
70. I love those fancy electric toothbrushes that spin and pulsate and promise a deep clean. But no matter how carefully I brush, the vibration tickles my gag reflex and I end up choking on foam and making a bubbly, minty mess everywhere. Give me a boring old manual brush any day.
71. I was skeptical when my dentist recommended a tongue scraper to me. But wow does it work! All that gunk it removes is both gross and fascinating. It’s like I have a new mouth. Though my 10 minute brushing routine is now bordering on excessive dental hygiene. Pretty sure my mirror misses the old furry me.
72. Tried one of those charcoal teeth whitening products before a date. It definitely made my teeth whiter, but also stained my lips and gums completely black. My smile said Gwyneth Paltrow but my goth lipstick said Morticia Addams. Suffice to say it was not a great first impression.
73. Accidentally left an open tube of toothpaste in my hot car all day. By the time I found it, it had melted into a thin, watery liquid. Ever tried brushing your teeth with minty runoff? 1/10 do not recommend. And my poor upholstery will never be the same.
74. I was skeptical of my son’s electric toothbrush that played songs while you brushed. But after just one use of the “Baby Shark” mode, my teeth have never been cleaner. Nothing like an annoying earworm song to motivate thorough brushing just to make it stop. Marketing genius.
75. Confessed to my dentist that I never floss. His disappointed dad-like lecture made me feel so guilty I vowed to start a strict flossing regimen. But after violently bleeding gums and sensitivity, I’m pretty sure my teeth were happier being slightly dirty but not tortured daily.
76. My new charcoal toothpaste promised a brilliant smile after the first use. Maybe it worked a little too well though. My teeth were so insanely white after brushing that I put our hallway night light to shame. Trying to dim the wattage on this smile so I stop blinding my husband at night.
77. I was excited to try a new eco-friendly bamboo toothbrush. Until the first bristle came loose in my mouth during brushing and I freaked that I swallowed plastic. Turns out bamboo breaks down naturally. But still traumatized from the temporary choking scare of thinking I ate plastic.
78. My electric toothbrush died mid brushing the other day, leaving me with a foamy unfinished mouth. I learned just how helpless we are without technology when something so routine suddenly relies on batteries. Had to dig up the old manual brush just to finish the job. Dark times indeed.
79. Dentist: “You’re not flossing enough, I can tell.” Me: *lies* “I floss relig
