Sweatshirt Puns
1. I was going to buy a sweatshirt with a picture of a stop sign on it, but then I thought, hoodie really need one?
2. I entered my ugly Christmas sweater into a contest, but sadly it didn’t win first priz-ma. It was only awarderd honorable fleece mention.
3. What do you call a cold sweatshirt? A brr-shirt!
4. Why can’t sweatshirts tell secrets? Because they always spill the tea!
5. What do you call a sweatshirt that makes you look skinnier? A thinnel!
6. What do you call an overly suspicious sweatshirt? A hoodie-picious garment.
7. Why was the sweatshirt late to work? It took too long to get fleeced!
8. How do sweatshirts stay connected? Through their hoodie networks!
9. Where do sweatshirts go for fun? The fleece park!
10. What do you call a sweatshirt that repels water? A non-absorbent garment!
11. Why can’t sweatshirts keep secrets? Because they tend to spread rumors and cotton to gossip!
12. How do sweatshirts stay in shape? Daily wool-kouts!
Sweatshirt One-Liners
13. My sweatshirt is so old, it’s now a vintage tee.
14. I’m not anti-social, my sweatshirt is just really comfortable.
15. Forgot my coffee this morning, guess this sweatshirt will have to mug me awake.
16. This sweatshirt is lit…erally covered in rhinestones.
17. Alexa, add sweatshirts to the grocery list. *muffled voice from inside sweatshirt* Okay, I’ve added sweatshirts to your shopping list.
18. I’m not wearing a sweatshirt because I’m cold, I wearing it because your cooking made me break out in goosebumps.
19. I’m 99.9% sweatshirt, 0.1% human.
20. Sweatshirts have an unfair advantage at raves with those kangaroo pockets.
21. Yeah, I’ll have a coffee. And make it a hoodie size.
22. Who needs a blanket when you have a sweatshirt?
Best Sweatshirt Jokes
23. I went for a jog in my new sweatshirt, but it was fur-lined and got too hot. I guess my sportscasual outfit was just two fleeced!
24. My girlfriend broke up with me over my sweatshirt collection, but it’s okay…there will be other fishettes in the sea.
25. I accidentally spilled some bleach on my favorite gray sweatshirt. Now it’s not only holy, but wholly holey!
26. My sweatshirt is like an onion – it has layers. Unfortunately, unlike an onion, wearing a sweatshirt does not bring tears to my eyes.
27. I ordered a custom sweatshirt with an image of a snake eating itself printed on the front. When it arrived, I realized the design had a flaw. It was an ouro-brrr cycle.
28. My aunt is knitting me a new sweatshirt for my birthday. I can’t wait to see what kind auntie-pated design she comes up with this year!
29. I caught my sweatshirt cheating on me with another owner. I guess it found someone fleecier.
30. I entered my cat in an ugly pet sweater contest. He won by a whisker! I guess the judges were more feline-thropic than I anticipated.
31. I saw a guy today wearing a sweatshirt that said “Trust Me I’m An Engineer” while working on his broken down car on the side of the highway. I didn’t stop to help.
32. My spouse surprised me with a sweatshirt that has a map of the world printed on it. They know geography is my Achilles elbow.
33. Two sweatshirts walk into a bar. One was a half zip.
34. My sweatshirt stole my identity and ran up a huge credit card bill. I reported it immediately to stop any future fleecing.
35. I bought a sweatshirt online but I think it might be fake. The stitching is uneven, the fabric feels weird, and the tag says “Made in Swetzerland.”
36. I saw a woman yelling at her sweatshirt in public today. Looks like it was a heated fleece debate.
37. Did you hear about the Sweatshirts Anonymous group? Apparently their members are hooded figures.
38. What do you call a psychic sweatshirt? A fortune hoodie!
39. Why can’t sweatshirts hold their liquor? Because they get ripped so easily!
40. Did you hear about the new line of socially-conscious sweatshirts? All proceeds go to chari-tee organizations!
41. I was devastated when my favorite old sweatshirt got so worn out that I had to throw it away. That garment really knew how to pull on my heartstrings.
42. Crime show idea: Sherlock Ohms, a quirky detective who can deduce people’s occupations based on the designs printed on their sweatshirts.
43. What do you call Santa’s sweatshirt? A Ho-Ho Hoodie!
44. Why can’t you trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
45. I bought my pet turtle a tiny sweatshirt. She seems to come out of her shell whenever she wears it.
46. What kind of exercise do lazy sweatshirts do? Squats. They never run, only stretch.
47. What do you call a hot dog stand that only sells to talking sweatshirts? A Frank in Furter.
48. Why do birds fly south? Because it’s too far to walk.
49. Two dreams are in bed. One turns to the other and says “I dreamt I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda last night.” To which the other dream replies “Were you really?” The first dream answers “I don’t know, it was probably just a Fanta sea.”
50. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be baygulls!
51. Why can’t bicycles stand up by themselves? Because they are two-tired!
52. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese!
53. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
54. A ghost walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve spirits here.”
55. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance? He had no body to go with.
56. How do trees access the internet? They just log on!
57. What concert only costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
58. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He didn’t get hurt because it was a soft drink!
59. Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? They always take things literally.
60. I went to buy some camo pants yesterday, but I couldn’t find any.
More Sweatshirt Puns
61. What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
62. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
63. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
64. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
65. I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
66. They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.
More Sweatshirt One-Liners
67. I’m really good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed!
68. Last night, I dreamed I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted!