59 Funny Suitcase Jokes

Suitcase Puns

1. I was going to tell a joke about suitcases, but it had too much baggage.
2. My suitcase is stuffed to the seams. You could say it’s having a little bag crisis.
3. I was going to pack light for my trip, but my suitcases were too heavy.
4. The airline lost my luggage. Now I’m left without any cases to make.
5. I put wheels on my suitcase to make it easier to transport. Now it really rolls with the punches.
6. My suitcase is covered in stickers from all the places I’ve traveled. You could say it has a lot of baggage tags.
7. I was going to carry my suitcase onto the plane, but it was too big to handle.
8. Make sure to lock your suitcase so no one tampers with your travel plans.
9. My suitcase is looking a little worse for wear. It has definitely had its fair share of bumps in the road.
10. I was going to tell a joke about damaged luggage, but it fell apart.
11. Don’t judge a suitcase by its cover. Some of the most worn ones have the best stories inside.

Suitcase One-Liners

12. My suitcase is so disorganized, I’m surprised it hasn’t lost its luggage.
13. I was going to pack light, but then I realized I’m not bright.
14. My suitcase has seen better destinations.
15. My suitcase spends more time in airports than I do.
16. My suitcase is practically part of the family at this point.
17. What weighs more – my suitcase or my travel memories?
18. My suitcase has collected more stamps than I ever will.
19. Suitcase? More like sui-heavy!
20. Calling it carry-on luggage was a bit of an overstatement.
21. Pretty sure my suitcase qualifies for frequent flyer miles at this point.
22. My overstuffed suitcase could be used as a floatation device in the event of a water landing.

Best Suitcase Jokes

23. I was running late for my flight and rushed to the airport with my overstuffed suitcase. When I got there, I tried to cram it into the baggage sizer but it wouldn’t fit. The agent said it was too big to bring on as a carry on. Desperate not to check it, I decided to wear all my clothes at once to lighten the load. I waddled onto the plane wearing 4 shirts and 3 pairs of pants. “Told you it was carry on,” I said proudly as I squeezed by the flight attendant.

24. Last time I traveled, the airline lost my luggage. They said they would deliver it once it was found. Days went by and I heard nothing. Finally, there was a knock at my door. It was a delivery man with my long lost suitcase. Ecstatic, I grabbed it from him only to nearly crumble under its weight. I unzipped it to find they had filled the entire thing with bricks! Underneath was a note saying “We knew you were missing this suitcase so we wanted to make sure you got it back. Enjoy these bricks as compensation!”

25. I was on vacation and called down to the lobby to request help with my overstuffed suitcases. The bellhop arrived, took one look at my bags and said, “I’m going to need a forklift for those!” He wasn’t kidding. He returned 10 minutes later driving a forklift through the lobby right to my room! My fellow guests stared open-mouthed as he loaded up my comically large luggage and transported it with much difficulty out to the cab. I can only imagine what the airline agents said when I rolled up with a suitcase forklift!

26. Last time I traveled, I was running late and dashing through the airport with my suitcase clunking loudly behind me. I was weaving in and out of people, not paying much attention, when suddenly – CRASH – I collided with something hard. Dazed, I looked up only to find I had run directly into a statue with my oversized bag! The monument swayed precariously above me before finally tipping over and shattering loudly in the middle of the concourse. Mortified, I grabbed my case labeled “Titanic” and ran for my life!

27. I was trying to cram everything I could into my small carry-on for an upcoming trip. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t zip it closed with the enormous mound of stuff I had jammed inside. I kept pushing and shoving items down, bouncing up and down on the bag until finally the zipper closed. Victorious, I loaded it in the taxi only to have the zipper immediately burst open when we hit the first bump in the road. Everything came flying out like a jack-in-the-box as my driver yelled “What do you have in there, a body?!”

28. The airline lost my luggage on my way home from vacation. It was returned a week later fully encased in concrete. Apparently it got mixed up with a construction crew’s materials and they accidentally poured wet cement on it! I had to take a jackhammer to my beloved suitcase just to pry it open. Next time I’m attaching a tracking device!

29. I was running late for a flight and getting flustered trying to cram all my last minute items into my already stuffed suitcase. It was overflowing but I finally managed to zip it closed and raced out the door. I made it through check-in and security before realizing I had forgotten my passport. Desperate, I found a quiet corner, opened my bag and dug frantically through the contents searching for that little blue booklet. People started giving me weird looks before someone finally came over and asked, “Uh, are you looking for a bomb in there?” Oops.

30. The airline lost my luggage on the way home from Italy last summer. I was distraught thinking of my precious souvenirs lost forever. The bag finally showed up months later covered in vineyard stickers and reeking of Chianti! Those negligent baggage handlers let my suitcase spend the entire summer getting drunk in Tuscany without me!

31. I was rushing late to the airport and got stuck in traffic with my overpacked bags. I finally arrived just before boarding ended, hair a mess and out of breath. Rather than sympathetic smiles, everyone I passed was cringing and covering their noses. Mortified, I boarded the plane and crammed my suitcase in the overhead compartment. The stench of stinky cheese wafted through the cabin as I realized too late that my bags still reeked from that visit to the Paris catacombs!

32. My last trip was cursed with airline mishaps from the start. First my flight was delayed 6 hours. Then the airline lost my luggage with all my necessities. I finally arrived at my destination exhausted and was informd the hotel had overbooked and had no more rooms available. As I turned to drag my weary body back to the airport, a cruise ship in the distance caught my eye. I marched over to the dock with my suitcase, snuck on board behind a crowds of tourists and ended up having an accidental vacation instead!

33. I was wheeling my overpacked luggage through the cobblestone streets of Europe when a wheel suddenly broke off. My case tipped violently, bursting open right as a large herd of goats came wandering by. They swarmed the pile greedily and began snacking on all my spilled belongings. To my horror, one goat grabbed a map of Paris while another trotted off with my tablet. A third had my passport sticking out of its mouth! It was an all out chase trying to get my suitcase loot back from those four-legged thieves!

34. My favorite suitcase has accompanied me around the world on countless adventures over the years. It is worn, beaten up and covered in travel badges telling tales of all the different places it has been. The zipper is broken, the fabric is ripped in areas and the wheels wobble precariously. But I will never abandon my faithful travel companion. Together we have navigated muddy jungle terrain, bounced over miles of rocky desert road, stumbled across lush green valleys and now coast quietly into retirement still cradling precious mementos of a well-traveled lifetime.

35. I was boarding a crowded airplane recently with my overstuffed carry-on case. Trying to maneuver down the packed aisle, I accidentally rammed the shoulder of the man next to me. “Hey watch it!” he yelled angrily. Sheepishly, I kept moving forward towards my seat. A few seconds later – THUNK! – I slammed someone else across the knees. “Why don’t you learn to handle that huge bag?” an annoyed woman complained. Mortified, I continued side shuffling towards my row muttering apologies. Just then the suitcase tipped dangerously…before bursting open right there mid-flight and showering embarrassed passengers with a confetti-like explosion of my unmentionables!