Scarf Puns (15)
1. I knitted a really long scarf, you could say it’s in-knit-ly long!
2. My friend was cold so I lent him my favorite scarf. I hope he returns it, I’d hate to have a falling crochet!
3. I was going to buy a new scarf but couldn’t find the one I knit.
4. The scarf thief struck again last night. The police say he won’t get far without unraveled.
5. I entered my homemade scarf into the county fair. Unfortunately, it didn’t make the cut.
6. I was fixing a hole in my scarf when I accidentally spilled my drink on it. I guess you could say I was knit-picking.
7. I’m so excited for scarf weather. I’ve been knitting them all summer and I have a whole armitful ready!
8. This winter I invested in a nice warm scarf. It was a knit decision on my part.
9. I’m knitting a scarf so long it goes from Maine to Florida. You could call it the Scarf of the Union!
10. Did you hear about the competitive knitter? She was determined to be the best scarf-lete.
11. I was going to knit matching scarves for me and my cat, but he kept unraveling my work. Some furry little critters just don’t appreciate craft time!
12. I knitted my friend a scarf for her birthday but she hated the color. Talk about an ungrateful recipient!
13. I bought a scarf today that was made of boyfriend material. Unfortunately it unraveled quickly.
14. I entered my scarf into the county fair but it was disqualified for excessive knitting.
15. I was going to return the scarf I bought yesterday but lost the receipt. Now I’m just going to have to live with my mis-knit.
Scarf One-Liners (15)
16. My scarf collection is out of control…I may need to seek shawlter soon.
17. They say the scarf makes the man…call me Mr. Fashionable then!
18. Don’t mean to brag but this scarf cost more than your rent.
19. Who needs a blanket when you have a cozy wool scarf?
20. Forecast calls for freezing temps, time to break out grandma’s 20 foot handknit scarf.
21. Trust me, there’s nothing wrong with wearing a scarf in July.
22. Scarves: like a portable blanket wrapped around your neck.
23. Roses are red, scarves keep you warm, please knit me one to protect me from the storm!
24. No outfit is complete without the perfect accent scarf.
25. Don’t underestimate the power of a big cozy scarf on a cold day.
26. A collection of soft scarves is good for the soul.
27. Scarves: the quickest way to add style to any outfit.
28. A designer scarf can make any outfit look expensive.
29. My scarf brings all the boys to the yard.
30. Can’t find me? Check that giant pile of scarves over there.
Best Scarf Jokes (27)
31. Last winter I bought the world’s longest scarf. It said one size fits all, but I’m starting to think that was a fibber.
32. I wore my new 10-foot scarf to work today. My coworkers said I looked ridiculous but I can’t help that I have excellent taste in statement accessories.
33. My friend knitted me a scarf so long I had to wrap it around my neck four times. Let’s just say I won’t be getting cold this winter!
34. I was running late to work when my oversized scarf got caught in the door as I rushed out. I wound up dragging a 20 foot trail of yarn all the way to the office!
35. Last night my cat attacked the scarf I left on the couch. This morning I found a giant tangled mess of yarn and one guilty looking kitty.
36. I bought a vintage silk scarf at a thrift store but when I got home, I realized the stain on it was actually just part of a funky 60s pattern. My dry cleaner is going to hate me!
37. My friend tried to return the Burberry scarf I bought her for Christmas, claiming it “clashed with her style.” Some people just don’t understand high fashion!
38. I was running to catch the bus when a gust of wind swept up my favorite cashmere scarf and carried it into a muddy puddle. Let’s just say I missed my bus while trying to resuscitate it.
39. My little cousin was playing dress up and wrapped himself in every single one of my vintage silk scarves. He looked adorable but I nearly had a heart attack!
40. I brought my new angora rabbit scarf camping last weekend. It attracted so much lint and debris from the woods, now it looks like a fuzzy Bozo wig!
41. My boyfriend surprised me with a lovely homemade scarf – only problem is he made it way too short and thin. I didn’t have the heart to tell him it barely covers my neck!
42. I was trying to look sophisticated on a first date by wearing my Burberry scarf, but the giant tag kept hitting me in the face whenever I turned my head. So embarrassing!
43. My neighbor’s dog jumped up to greet me, caught his paw on my cashmere scarf, and ripped a giant hole right through the middle. Let’s just say that dog is now on my naughty list.
44. I spilled coffee all over my favorite chunky wool scarf and tried to disguise the stain by coloring over it with a black Sharpie. Long story short, I now look like I have a neck tattoo whenever I wear it.
45. I was running late for a job interview and grabbed the first scarf I saw to complete my outfit. Turns out it was a light-up Christmas scarf left over from last year’s ugly sweater party. Not exactly professional attire!
46. My friend was bragging about her expensive designer scarf so I “accidentally” spilled my red wine all over it. Maybe that will teach her not to be so snooty about fashion!
47. I hand wash all my delicate scarves in the bathroom sink. The other day, my boyfriend didn’t realize and used one to clean up a spill underneath the leaky pipe. Let’s just say that scarf is headed straight for the rag bag!
48. My son tied all my beautiful silk scarves together and used them as a rope to climb up onto the kitchen counter to reach the cookie jar. While I applaud his resourcefulness, those scarves are now headed for a retirement of dusting furniture!
49. I was snuggled up watching a movie with a big bowl of popcorn when I accidentally spilled butter all over my chunky grey scarf. Now the stain makes it look like a mangy fox died around my neck!
50. While vacationing in Scotland, I purchased an authentic tartan wool scarf for a great price from a street vendor. Turns out it was made in China and the “Scottish” pattern is totally fabricated. Fake cultural merchandise is so tacky!
51. I was trying to take an elegant selfie in my new fur stole when my friend’s parrot landed on me and refused to move. All the photos just show a giant green bird where my head is supposed to be!
52. My cousin brought her new dog over and I made the mistake of laying my cashmere scarf on the couch. The puppy thought it was a chew toy and totally destroyed it with holes and slobber. So much for luxury!
53. I spilled nail polish remover on my favorite infinity scarf and it created a weird chemical reaction that discolored the entire thing greyish-brown. Devastated doesn’t even begin to describe it!
54. I was running late and grabbed the closest scarf to complete my outfit as I rushed out the door. Turns out it was my husband’s scarf and it had a big “World’s Best Dad” embroidery. Awkward!
55. I hand washed a brand new silk scarf in some laundry detergent and it disintegrated before my eyes into a pile of shredded threads. Note to self – always read the care instructions FIRST!
56. My friend bought me a pashmina scarf from her trip to India, but she accidentally left in outside on a humid day. Now it’s covered in moldy spots and smells like a wet dog. What a depressing end for such a lovely gift!
57. I was snuggled under a blanket on the couch with my favorite cashmere scarf as an added layer. When I got up, the Velcro on the blanket had matted the scarf into a fuzzball. It will never be the same!
