Plane Puns
1. I wanted to fly to Paris, but the plane got de-toured.
2. My friend is a pilot. He likes telling plane jokes that never seem to land.
3. Did you hear about the new restaurant called Plane Food? I hear their meals are pretty basic.
4. What do you call a plane that can sing? A meloplane!
5. Why are planes so optimistic? They always look on the fly side of life!
6. My dream is to become a pilot. I hope it takes off soon.
7. What do you call a clairvoyant pilot? A flying psychic!
8. Why don’t planes need keys? Because they have their own pilot!
9. What do clouds wear under their shorts? Thunderpants!
10. Why are airplanes so wrinkled? They use pressurized cabins!
11. Why was the airplane exhausted? It was jet lagged!
12. How does the airplane stay cool? It turns on its propellor.
13. Why don’t eggs fly? They don’t have enough flying yolk!
14. How do you organize an air force party? You plane it!
15. What do you call a lazy airplane? A slowpoke!
Plane One-Liners
16. This plane food tastes so plane.
17. My pilot friend has a uplifting attitude.
18. This is your captain speaking, we seem to have lost altitude, but I don’t want you to panic. My co-pilot and I are doing our best to get things under control. Oh, and by the way, April fools!
19. Airline food is the best way to lose weight before landing.
20. Why was the airplane so depressed? It had a lot of emotional baggage.
21. I started telling airplane jokes to my friend but he said they seem to go over his head.
22. I wanted to make airplane puns, but it turns out they’re always flying over people’s heads.
23. I’m glad I became a pilot, it’s been such an uplifting experience.
24. I wanted to become a pilot but the costs were just too high, so that dream never took off.
25. My friend said she didn’t get my airplane joke, but it eventually landed for her.
Best Plane Jokes
26. A family boards an airplane and takes their seats. As they settle in, they notice the flight attendants walking around with dogs. One lady asks the stewardess what’s going on.
“This is a new program we’re trying involving using rescue animals,” she explains. “The idea is the dogs will provide comfort to scared flyers.”
The family thinks it’s a great idea. After the plane levels outs, the pilot makes an announcement.
“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m sorry for the delay but we’ve lost power to one of our engines. Please remain calm as our flight crew works to rectify the issue.”
A few minutes later, the passengers see flight attendants distributing parachutes. Panicked, a passenger raises his hand.
“Excuse me, but what’s happening?” he asks.
“Please sir, remain calm, we’re just taking precautions. Put the parachute on and listen to crew instructions.”
The man turns to his wife. “Honey, this is it. I want you to know that I love you and our family with all my heart.”
Just then, the pilot interrupts over the intercom.
“My apologies folks, slight miscommunication. We fixed the engine issue. You can remove the parachutes now, we’ll be taking off again shortly.”
The family breathes a huge sigh of relief. As they re-settle into their seats, the man turns to his wife.
“Honey, I meant every word. I thought we were going down. Promise me, if we ever find ourselves in a dangerous situation again, you’ll remember how much I love you.”
She smiles and grabs his hand. “Of course darling. And remember, if we go down, save the dog first.”
27. What did the left wing say to the right wing of the plane? Gotcha, we really stuck together on that flight.
28. Why don’t eggs tell airplane jokes? They’d crack each other up.
29. What’s the difference between airplanes and buses? Planes actually have departure times.
30. Why don’t ducks fly over the ocean? Because then they’d be sea-planes!
31. Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9…. but why did 9 eat 8? Because you need 3 squared meals a day!
32. What sits at the bottom of the sea and shakes? A nervous wreck.
33. Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish!
34. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull-dozer!
35. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was in tents!
36. What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese!
37. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
38. I tried looking for gold, but it didn’t pan out.
39. Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
40. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
41. Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe!
42. Why do bicycles fall over? Because they’re two-tired!
43. What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.
44. What runs but can’t walk? Water.
45. What building has the most stories? The library!
46. When’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty!
47. Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tearable.
48. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
49. What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
50. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!
Plane Puns
51. What do you call an airplane with bad gas? A jet propellant.
52. Why was the airplane blushing? It saw the helicopter propeller.
53. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
54. Did you hear about the pasta chef that worked on an Italian cruise ship? He was a penne sailor!
55. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
56. I entered ten puns in a contest to see which would win. No pun in ten did.
57. What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious!
58. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
59. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
60. I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
Plane One-Liners
61. My pilot friend always has his head in the clouds.
62. I wanted to fly internationally but couldn’t afford it. Now that dream will never take flight.
63. My friend got scared on the plane so they gave him whiskey to calm his nerves. Now he’s flying high.
64. I thought the runway would go on forever but then it just ended.
65. Airline food is proof that flying makes you lose your sense of taste.
66. My suitcase got lost on the flight over. The airline said they’re still trying to locate my bags.
67. Turbulence is like a rollercoaster ride except without the fun part.
68. I ordered the vegetarian meal on the flight and it was absolutely plane.
69. Getting off a long flight is the best feeling, even if my legs stop working for a bit.
70. Pressing my face against the plane window probably weirds people out.
Best Plane Jokes
71. A woman gets on a plane and sits down next to a man reading a newspaper. As soon as the plane takes off, the woman starts having a panic attack.
“I can’t handle flying,” she says, hyperventilating. “I’m too scared!”
Trying to calm her down, the man says, “Don’t worry, flying is very safe. Did you know the chances of a plane going down are one in a million?”
Still breathing rapidly, the woman replies, “I don’t think those odds are good enough!”
“Okay, what if I told you the chances were one in ten million?” he asks patiently.
“I don’t like those odds either!” she exclaims.
“Alright, one in a billion?”
“No, that’s still too high!”
Finally, the man smiles and says, “There’s no need to worry, the chances of this plane going down are one in a trillion.”
“Now you’re talking!” says the woman, visibly relaxing into her seat.
A few minutes of comfortable silence pass before the man turns to her says, “I don’t mean to alarm you again, but our one engine just failed.”
72. An airplane was about to crash. There were five passengers on board but only four parachutes.
The first passenger said, “I’m Kobe Bryant, one of the greatest NBA players. The Lakers need me to bring home another championship.” So he took the first parachute and jumped out of the plane.
The second passenger, Donald Trump, said, “I’m the President of the United States, the greatest country in the world. This world needs me to run it.” So he took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.
The third passenger, Albert Einstein, said, “I’m Albert Einstein, one of the greatest scientists of all time. Without me, human knowledge will suffer.” So he took the third parachute and jumped out of the plane.
The fourth passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, said to the fifth passenger, a priest, “You know, I don’t think the ‘greatest’ people in the world deserve to live more than others. I think we should be fair.”
The priest responded, “Don’t worry my child, we’ll both be safe. The world’s smartest man just took my schoolbag.”
73. A large airplane has a mechanical failure and is going down. The pilot says to the passengers and crew: “Please grab a parachute and jump out of the plane immediately!”
After everyone jumps out, the pilot realizes there are still a dozen parachutes left over. He grabs one and jumps out of the plane just as it crashes to the ground.
Landing safely, he sees a little girl crying. “What’s wrong?” he asks.
“The mean airplane captain didn’t give me a parachute so I’m going to sue him!” says the girl.
The pilot responds “Don’t worry sweetie, the ‘captain’ gave you a parachute… I’m just the pilot!”
74. On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.
One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. “I’m too young to die!” she wails. Then she yells, “Well, if I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?”
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane.
“I can make you feel like a woman,” he says.
He’s drop-dead gorgeous. Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.
No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:
“Here, iron this.”
Plane Puns
75. What do you call an airplane with bad gas? A jet propellant.
76. Why was the airplane blushing? It saw the helicopter propeller.
77. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
78. Did you hear about the pasta chef that worked on an Italian cruise ship? He was a penne sailor!
79. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
80. I entered ten puns in a contest to see which would win. No pun in ten did.
81. What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious!
82. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
83. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
84. I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
Plane One-Liners
85. My pilot friend always has his head in the clouds.
86. I wanted to fly internationally but couldn’t afford it. Now that dream will never take flight.
87. My friend got scared on the plane so they gave him whiskey to calm his nerves. Now he’s flying high.
88. I thought the runway would go on forever but then it just ended.
89. Airline food is proof that flying makes you lose your sense of taste.
90. My suitcase got lost on the flight over. The airline said they’re still trying to locate my bags.
Best Plane Jokes
91. A pilot is flying a small single engine charter plane with a couple of very important executives on board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is 10 feet. The plane is approaching the runway at around 500 feet, when the pilot hears a muffled “thump” coming from the plane.
The pilot looks at his instruments and sees that his two port engines read zero oil pressure and zero RPM. Being a skilled pilot and knowing Seattle has a major Boeing plant, he radios Boeing Field tower while turning to start his approach to Boeing Field’s much longer runway.
“Boeing Field, there’s some kind of problem with my engines. I’m losing both engines on the left wing. Request emergency landing instructions!”
The Boeing Field tower radios back: “Turn left heading 220 and maintain 3000 feet.”
“Boeing Field tower, the pilot snapped, “Are you sure about that heading? That will take me right smack into the center of downtown Seattle!”
“Trust me, turn left heading 220 and maintain 3000 feet.” says the tower.
The pilot shrugs and turns left, starts descending from 3000 feet and heads 220. As the pilot gets down to 700 feet