Pirate Puns
- What do you call a pirate who skips class? Captain Hooky.
- How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
- Where do pirates get their hooks? At a second hand store.
- Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You’d think it’d be R but their first love be the C.
- Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
- How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buck an ear.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite fast food restaurant? Arrrrby’s
- What do you call a pirate who skips class? Captain Hooky.
- Why don’t pirates take a bath before they walk the plank? Because they’ll just wash up on shore later!
Pirate One-Liners
- I once knew a pirate who was so unlucky, he got stuck with the bad end of the plank.
- A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants. The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel down your pants.” The pirate says, “Arrrr I know. It’s driving me nuts.”
- What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You’d think it was R but their first love be the C.
- I once brought a pirate to see an R rated movie. It was rated arrrr!
- How much did the pirate pay for his peg leg and hook? An arm and a leg.
- A pirate walks into a bar with a ship’s wheel down his pants. The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve got a ship’s wheel down your pants.” The pirate says, “Arrrr, I know! It’s driving me nuts!”
- What’s a pirate’s favorite sport? Arrrrchery.
- Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
- What’s a pirates least favorite letter? Dear Sir, your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.
- Why don’t pirates take a bath before they walk the plank? Because they’ll just wash up on shore later!
Best Pirate Jokes
1. A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!”
“What do you mean?” the pirate replied, “I’m fine.”
The bartender said, “But what about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”
“Well,” said the pirate, “We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I’m fine, really.”
“Yeah,” said the bartender, “But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands.”
“Well,” said the pirate, “We were in another battle and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really.”
“Oh,” said the bartender, “What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes.”
“Well,” said the pirate, “One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye.”
“So?” replied the bartender, “what happened? You couldn’t have lost an eye just from some bird poop!”
“Well,” said the pirate, “I really wasn’t used to the hook yet.”
2. A pirate walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender notices that he has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over one eye. So the bartender asks the pirate, “How did you get that peg leg?”
The pirate says, “Aye, me ship was attacked by a great white whale and it bit me leg clear off!”
The bartender then asks, “Well what about the hook?”
The pirate says, “We were boardin’ a trader ship when a sword fight broke out and me hand was cut clean off!”
Finally, the bartender asks, “Ok, then how did you get the eye patch?”
The pirate says, “A seagull pooped in me eye.”
The bartender looks puzzled and says, “You lost your eye because a seagull pooped in it?”
And the pirate says, “Well it was me first day with the hook!”
3. A pirate captain with a peg leg, hook hand, and an eye patch walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Here again? You know you could get your disabilities fixed right?”
The pirate replies, “Aye, matey, I know, but with me new Obamacare plan, I can only get me attachments fixed one at a time.”
4. How much did the pirate pay for his peg leg and hook? An arm and a leg!
5. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of sock? Arrrrgyle!
6. Why couldn’t the kid go to the pirate movie? Because it was rated Arrrr!
7. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
Because they’ll just wash up on shore later!
8. What’s a pirate’s favorite sport? Arrrrchery!
9. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
You’d think it’s R but their first love be the C!
10. Why don’t pirates take a bath before they walk the plank?
Because they’ll just wash up on shore later!
11. What’s a pirate’s favorite fast food restaurant? Arrrrby’s!
12. What do you call a pirate who skips class? Captain Hooky!
13. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
Because he was sitting on the deck!
14. How much did the pirate’s earrings cost?
A buccaneer!
15. Where do pirates get their hooks?
At a second hand store!
16. I once brought a pirate to an R rated movie. It was rated arrrr!
17. What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter?
Dear Sir, Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.
18. A pirate walks into a bar with a ship’s wheel down his pants.
The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve got a ship’s wheel down your pants.”
The pirate says, “Arrrr, I know! It’s driving me nuts!”
19. I once knew a pirate who was so unlucky, he got stuck with the bad end of the plank.
20. What’s a pirate’s favorite crime?
Arrrrson!