What do you call a moose who works as a detective? An elk-ementary, my dear Watson!
Why don’t moose ever win at hide and seek? Because they’re always sticking out like a sore antler!
My friend saw a moose using a computer and asked what he was doing. He said, “Just mooseing around online.”
The moose got fired from his job as a barber because he kept cutting hair with his antlers.
What do you call a moose who does magic tricks? Houdinoof!
What do you call a moose who works at a bakery? A pastry chef.
I saw a moose trying to fix a hole in his roof. I guess he was trying to moose-proof it.
The moose wanted to impress his crush, so he started rapping. His rhymes were pretty meese.
What do you call a sleepy moose? A snoozle.
The moose walked into a jewelry store and said, “Can I browse your antler rings?”
I saw a moose using a metal detector on the beach. He was hoping to find some buried antlersure.
What do you call a moose who works as a landscaper? Spruce Moose!
Moose One-Liners (18)
I went on a bad blind date with a moose once. It was a total mismatch.
They say you can lead a moose to water but you can’t make it drink. But you can make it wet.
What do you call a moose who knows karate? Bruce Leese!
My tinder date last night was a female moose. I think she was catfishing me.
So a moose walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, “That’ll be $5.” Moose says, “Put it on my tab.”
What do you call a moose who works as a pilot? Captain Antlers!
Don’t ever try to milk a moose. Trust me on this one.
What do you call an angry moose? Dis-moosed!
My girlfriend broke up with me because apparently I talk about moose too much. It was a huge loss for her.
Moose meat actually tastes better than you’d think. But I’ve never had the heart to eat Rudolph.
What do you call a moose who works as a gardener? An ant-ler green thumb!
How are moose and lava lamps alike? They both have antlers.
My friend got trapped inside a moose exhibit at the zoo. Now she’s saying it was an elk of a time.
Moose live where the deer and the antelope play. And sometimes the wolves eat them. Circle of life.
What do you call Santa’s moose? Rudolf the Red-Antlered Moose!
A moose hockey player got thrown out of a game for using his antlers. It was a cross check.
How do you keep a moose from charging? Take away its credit cards.
Don’t bother telling a female moose she’s pretty. It’ll go in one ear and out the antler.
Best Moose Jokes (48)
A moose walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “That’ll be $3.” The moose reaches into his pocket, pulls out three dollars, and slaps it on the counter. The bartender looks at him and says, “You know, we don’t get many moose in this bar.” The moose replies, “At $3 a beer, I’m not surprised!”
A moose is driving down the road when he gets pulled over by a police officer. The cop walks up to the moose’s window and asks for his license and registration. The moose hands them over. The cop looks at the documents and says, “Oh, so your name is Mike Moose?” The moose replies, “Yeah, my parents have a terrible sense of humor.”
What do you call a sleeping moose? A snoozle. What do you call a moose who sleepwalks? A bamboozle.
A baby moose is trying to get his dad’s attention. He keeps saying “Dad, dad!” But the dad replies “I’m not your dad, I’m your mooseter!”
Why don’t moose ever win at hide and seek? Because they’re always sticking out like a sore thumb. Or should I say, sore antler.
How does a moose keep his fur looking shiny and slick? Moose wax!
What did the moose say when he walked into a bar? Ouch.
Two moose walk out of a bar. One turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew thirty bucks in there!”
My friend saw a moose using a computer and asked what he was doing. He said, “Just mooseing around online.”
Did you hear about the Irish moose who drank too much beer? He got plastered.
What do you call a moose who works as a detective? An elk-ementary, my dear Watson!
A moose walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, “Why the long face?”
A moose walks into a bar wearing a navy suit with a flower in his lapel. The bartender says, “Hey, nice get-up pal, you going to a party?” The moose replies, “No, I just dressed myself.”
What do you call an angry moose? Dis-moosed!
How does a moose groom his antlers? With moose wax of course!
A moose walks into a bar and sits down. He orders a beer and notices a jar of money sitting on the counter. “What’s that jar of money for?” he asks the bartender. “That’s our tip jar,” replies the bartender. The moose puts $5 in the jar and starts drinking his beer. An hour later he finishes his beer and gets up to leave. On his way out, he takes $5 from the tip jar. The bartender sees this and asks, “Hey, what are you doing? That money is meant for tips!” The moose responds, “Well I’m taking my tip back. This is the worst bar I’ve ever been to!”
What do you call an Australian moose? A walla-moose!
Why can’t you take a moose to church? Because they use such fowl language.
What do you get if you cross a moose with a ghost? A boo-se!
I saw a moose trying to fix a hole in his roof. I guess he was trying to moose-proof it.
How does a moose keep in touch with his friends? With his moose-senger app!
Why don’t moose ever win at trivia contests? They have terrible mem-moose!
Did you hear about the moose who went to business school? He graduated with honors and got his moose-ter’s degree!
How do moose get on the internet? They log on.
My friend ordered moose soup at a restaurant but it tasted awful. When he called over the waiter to complain, he just shrugged and said, “Not my moose, not my problem.”
What do you call a moose who loves trampolines? A bouncer!
What do you call a moose who works out at the gym all the time? A moose-cles!
A moose walks into a bar, looks around, and loudly announces, “Darn it! I was just here last week and lost a $20 bill. Did anyone find it?” A customer replies, “Nope, haven’t seen it.” The moose sighs and walks out. The customer then flags down the bartender and says, “Here’s the $20 that moose lost last week. Can you put it back under the rug by the front door?”
Did you hear about the painter who got commissioned to do an official portrait of a moose politician? He kept messing it up because he couldn’t capture the subject’s rugged antlers.
What do you call a line of 100 moose? A centimoosepede!
A moose walks into a bar on Halloween wearing an elaborate dragon costume with big wings and a long tail. The bartender looks at him confused and asks, “What are you supposed to be?” The moose replies, “I’m a moose in dragon’s clothing!”
Why do moose make great soccer players? Because of their impeccantlers.
How does a moose cut down trees? With antler-saws.
What kind of shoes do moose wear? Moocs!
A moose was feeling stressed so he went to see a therapist. The therapist listened to the moose talk about his problems then said, “I think you need to stop and moosey on down to the pond for some relaxation.”
Did you hear about the moose who got fired from the calendar company? He took too many days off!
A baby moose asks his mom, “Why do we have flat noses?” The mom replies, “So we can scoop water out of the stream with them.” “Oh!” says the baby moose. “Why do we have skinny legs?” “So we can walk easily through tall grass,” says the mom. “I see,” says the baby. “And why do we have antlers?” “To look fancy,” replies the mom. The baby moose thinks about this for a minute then says, “Deer have skinny legs and flat noses too. Why don’t they have antlers to look fancy?” The mom chuckles. “Sometimes it’s better not to overanalyze moose evolution, son.”
What do you call a moose who weighs less than a kilogram? A micro-moose.
Why couldn’t the moose become a pop star? Because his antlers couldn’t fit the headphones.
Did you hear about the new action movie starring moose? It’s called Antler Games.
What do you call a young moose who behaves badly? A delin-kwent.
Why do moose have antlers? It gives them something to rack their hats and coats on.
What do you call a psychic moose who escaped from the zoo? A tele-moose on the loose!
My friend saw a moose using a metal detector on the beach. He was hoping to find some buried antlersure.
How do you stop a moose stampede? Yell “Look! A UFO!” Then when they stop to look, yell “Got your nose!” and steal their noses. No-nose moose are much less dangerous.
What’s a moose’s favorite kind of sweater? Antler-overs!
Why was the moose having trouble getting cell phone reception? He was in a dead moose zone.
How does a mama moose know when her baby is ticklish? When she gets a little calf kick out of him!
Did you hear about the composer who only wrote classical music for moose? His work was considered antler-ly highbrow.
