64 Funny Monday Jokes

Monday Puns

1. I heard two Monday mornings got married. The wedding was pretty dull but the reception lasted all week.
2. What do you call a bunch of Mondays gathered together? A complaint.
3. I tried to sue Monday for always being so gloomy but I lost the case. The judge said I had no weekdays.
4. Monday invited all the other days of the week to its party but no one showed up. Talk about a blue Monday!
5. I entered my cat in a Monday lookalike contest. He won paws down.
6. Did you hear about the new restaurant called TGIM? It’s for people who actually love Mondays!
7. What do Alexander the Great and Monday mornings have in common? They always conquer.
8. Monday morning and I met at a bar last night. It was love at first slight.
9. What do you call a Monday that feels optimistic and hopeful? A mirage!
10. Monday is like a Boomerang – it keeps coming back.

Monday One-Liners

11. Mondays are like a recycling bin – full of rubbish we don’t want.
12. Mondays are the only day you actually look forward to a headache so you have an excuse to go home early.
13. Mondays are sponsored by the letters M, T, and W.
14. Mondays are the Mondayest.
15. Mondays are proof that something can suck and blow at the same time.
16. Monday blues? More like Monday blacks, navys, dark greys.
17. Mondays are the human version of a corrupted Excel file.
18. Mondays are that one coworker we all love to hate.
19. Mondays are the garlic bread crumbs stuck in the keyboard of life.
20. Mondays are the armpit stains on my favorite work shirt.

Best Monday Jokes

21. I woke up super early one Monday morning before my alarm went off. For a brief moment I thought I had a whole extra day to relax. Then Monday slapped me in the face and snarled, “As if!”

22. My boss called a Monday morning meeting and cheerfully said, “Happy Monday, team!” I replied, “That statement is oxymoronic.” My boss paused for a second then said, “Fair point. Let’s get this Monday over with.”

23. I tried to call in sick on Monday. I spent 10 minutes violently coughing and acting like I could barely speak. My boss said, “You sound terrible, like you’re on death’s door. See you at work in 20 minutes.”

24. Me: “I’m not going into work on Monday.”
Boss: “Why?”
Me: “I can’t. I’m having really bad menstrual cramps.”
Boss: “You’re a man.”
Me: “I know, but I’m still using it as an excuse.”

25. My Monday morning routine goes like this: Hit snooze button repeatedly, drag self out of bed, stumble around home like a zombie while getting ready, spill coffee down myself in car, arrive at work 45 mins late. Every. Time.

26. I love how days of the week are abbreviations like Mon, Tues, Weds but Monday is just fully spelled out. Even the calendar knows Monday doesn’t deserve to be shortened.

27. I asked Monday very nicely if we could just skip to Friday this week. Monday pointed at the calendar and maliciously said NO.

28. Monday is the reason I need a cocktail after work, a latte to get through my morning, and a nap on my lunch break. Just to cope.

29. My Monday morning motivation is hoping I’ll get hit by a bus before lunch. Then I won’t have to finish out the workday.

30. Boss: Why were you late to work this Monday?
Me: Sorry, I forgot to set my alarm clock for PM instead of AM.

31. Things more enjoyable than Monday mornings:
– Root canal surgery
– Walking on Legos barefoot
– Listening to 5-year-olds argue
– Eating a sand sandwich
– Anything, literally anything else

32. Monday was walking toward me on the street the other day. I saw it from a distance and literally crossed to the other side to avoid it.

33. I’m certain that someone punched me in the face at 3 AM Monday morning, turning a completely normal Sunday into the horrible day we call Monday.

34. Boss: You’re late. This is the 3rd Monday in a row. Do you know what that means?
Me: That I can keep the streak going?

35. My Monday morning starts with the heartwarming mantra: “I hate everything, I hate everyone, I want to go home.” It really sets the mood.

36. Boss: Hey, are you coming into work Monday?
Me: Nope, I’m sick.
Boss: What’s wrong?
Me: A severe case of the Mondays.

37. I told my boss I needed to leave work early on Monday for a dental appointment. He said, “Make sure to have them remove your Mondays while you’re there.”

38. My Monday morning checklist:
Step 1) Wake up.
Step 2) Immediately start complaining.
Step 3) Complain more while getting ready.
Step 4) Complain on the drive to work.
Step 5) Complain at work all day.

39. I thought about calling in depressed to get out of work on Monday. But then I remembered the correct term for that is “existing”.

40. Boss: Why do you always request Mondays off?
Me: I’m pursuing my passion – not working on Mondays.

64 Funny Monday Jokes

Monday Puns

1. I heard two Monday mornings got married. The wedding was pretty dull but the reception lasted all week.
2. What do you call a bunch of Mondays gathered together? A complaint.
3. I tried to sue Monday for always being so gloomy but I lost the case. The judge said I had no weekdays.
4. Monday invited all the other days of the week to its party but no one showed up. Talk about a blue Monday!
5. I entered my cat in a Monday lookalike contest. He won paws down.
6. Did you hear about the new restaurant called TGIM? It’s for people who actually love Mondays!
7. What do Alexander the Great and Monday mornings have in common? They always conquer.
8. Monday morning and I met at a bar last night. It was love at first slight.
9. What do you call a Monday that feels optimistic and hopeful? A mirage!
10. Monday is like a Boomerang – it keeps coming back.

Monday One-Liners

11. Mondays are like a recycling bin – full of rubbish we don’t want.
12. Mondays are the only day you actually look forward to a headache so you have an excuse to go home early.
13. Mondays are sponsored by the letters M, T, and W.
14. Mondays are the Mondayest.
15. Mondays are proof that something can suck and blow at the same time.
16. Monday blues? More like Monday blacks, navys, dark greys.
17. Mondays are the human version of a corrupted Excel file.
18. Mondays are that one coworker we all love to hate.
19. Mondays are the garlic bread crumbs stuck in the keyboard of life.
20. Mondays are the armpit stains on my favorite work shirt.

Best Monday Jokes

21. I woke up super early one Monday morning before my alarm went off. For a brief moment I thought I had a whole extra day to relax. Then Monday slapped me in the face and snarled, “As if!”

22. My boss called a Monday morning meeting and cheerfully said, “Happy Monday, team!” I replied, “That statement is oxymoronic.” My boss paused for a second then said, “Fair point. Let’s get this Monday over with.”

23. I tried to call in sick on Monday. I spent 10 minutes violently coughing and acting like I could barely speak. My boss said, “You sound terrible, like you’re on death’s door. See you at work in 20 minutes.”

24. Me: “I’m not going into work on Monday.”
Boss: “Why?”
Me: “I can’t. I’m having really bad menstrual cramps.”
Boss: “You’re a man.”
Me: “I know, but I’m still using it as an excuse.”

25. My Monday morning routine goes like this: Hit snooze button repeatedly, drag self out of bed, stumble around home like a zombie while getting ready, spill coffee down myself in car, arrive at work 45 mins late. Every. Time.

26. I love how days of the week are abbreviations like Mon, Tues, Weds but Monday is just fully spelled out. Even the calendar knows Monday doesn’t deserve to be shortened.

27. I asked Monday very nicely if we could just skip to Friday this week. Monday pointed at the calendar and maliciously said NO.

28. Monday is the reason I need a cocktail after work, a latte to get through my morning, and a nap on my lunch break. Just to cope.

29. My Monday morning motivation is hoping I’ll get hit by a bus before lunch. Then I won’t have to finish out the workday.

30. Boss: Why were you late to work this Monday?
Me: Sorry, I forgot to set my alarm clock for PM instead of AM.

31. Things more enjoyable than Monday mornings:
– Root canal surgery
– Walking on Legos barefoot
– Listening to 5-year-olds argue
– Eating a sand sandwich
– Anything, literally anything else

32. Monday was walking toward me on the street the other day. I saw it from a distance and literally crossed to the other side to avoid it.

33. I’m certain that someone punched me in the face at 3 AM Monday morning, turning a completely normal Sunday into the horrible day we call Monday.

34. Boss: You’re late. This is the 3rd Monday in a row. Do you know what that means?
Me: That I can keep the streak going?

35. My Monday morning starts with the heartwarming mantra: “I hate everything, I hate everyone, I want to go home.” It really sets the mood.

36. Boss: Hey, are you coming into work Monday?
Me: Nope, I’m sick.
Boss: What’s wrong?
Me: A severe case of the Mondays.

37. I told my boss I needed to leave work early on Monday for a dental appointment. He said, “Make sure to have them remove your Mondays while you’re there.”

38. My Monday morning checklist:
Step 1) Wake up.
Step 2) Immediately start complaining.
Step 3) Complain more while getting ready.
Step 4) Complain on the drive to work.
Step 5) Complain at work all day.

39. I thought about calling in depressed to get out of work on Monday. But then I remembered the correct term for that is “existing”.

40. Boss: Why do you always request Mondays off?
Me: I’m pursuing my passion – not working on Mondays.