## Math Teacher Puns

1. I heard the new math teacher really knows how to multiply problems.

2. The math teacher was feeling angled when her students kept making obtuse jokes.

3. The geometry teacher was feeling well-rounded after learning some new shapes.

4. The algebra teacher was totally stumped by her student’s problems.

5. The new calculus teacher made quite an addition to the math department.

6. The math teacher got into a heated argument with the history teacher over the best degree.

7. The math teacher was acute analyst of her students’ exam scores.

8. The math teacher had a formula for dealing with unruly students – she made them fraction themselves into smaller groups.

9. The geometry teacher wanted to retire early so she could spend more time with her angles.

10. The algebra teacher was feeling negative about her student’s chances on the upcoming test.

11. The calculus teacher was integral to helping students pass the AP exam.

12. The new math teacher made quite a summation to the faculty.

13. The math department was undergoing a transformation with the new linear algebra teacher.

14. The geometry teacher always tried to give sound proofs to her theorems before class.

15. The math teacher had difficulty making small talk since he only conversed in functions.

## Math Teacher One-Liners

16. I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count.

17. I was trying to cheat on a math test by writing the answers on my desk. I guess I should have used a calculator.

18. I used to hate math, but then I realized decimals have a point.

19. I asked my math teacher, “What’s the quickest way to get a good grade?” She said, “Show all your work.”

20. A mathematician is someone who has found infinity but can’t find a date.

21. What did the acorn say when he grew up? Gee, I’m a tree!

22. Why do plants hate math? Because it gives them square roots.

23. Why was math class so long? All the problems took forever to work out.

24. Why do some fish have scales? To help them multiply.

25. What did the axis say to the curve? Nice intercept!

## Best Math Teacher Jokes

26. A math teacher was teaching her students about negatives. She asked the class, “What happens when you combine a negative number with a positive number?” Little Johnny raised his hand and said “You get yelled at!”

27. Little Johnny’s teacher asked him, “If there are four birds on a fence and you shoot one, how many are left?” Little Johnny replied, “None.” The teacher asked, “Why?” Little Johnny explained, “Because the noise would have scared them all away.”

28. Little Susie raised her hand in math class and asked the teacher, “How much does one plus one equal?” The teacher replied, “Two.” Susie then asked, “How much is six minus four?” The teacher said, “Two.” Then Susie asked, “How much is three plus three?” The teacher impatiently said, “Six.” Then Susie persisted and asked, “Well then, how much is four plus four?” The annoyed teacher shouted, “EIGHT!” Susie then quietly said, “Oh, I get it now. All the even numbers you add up equal eight.”

29. A math teacher was teaching her class about averages. She asked her students, “What is the average of 2, 5 and 9?” Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and when called upon said, “That’s not fair – you can’t average my age with theirs!”

30. Little Johnny was struggling with his math homework. His teacher tried to help him and said, “Johnny, if you have ten apples in one hand and fifteen oranges in the other hand, what do you have?” Johnny thought for a moment and replied, “Really big hands!”

31. A math professor, John, was having trouble sleeping. He finds that counting backward from 512 helps him fall asleep. One night, his wife Susan hears him counting “511, 510, 509…” and Says, “John, I’m trying to sleep. Can you count sheep instead?” John replies, “407, 406, 405…”

32. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.

33. Why don’t calculators ever lose at hide and seek? Because they can always solve any problem!

34. A Roman walked into a bar, held up two fingers and said, “Five beers, please.”

35. What do you get if you multiply six by nine? 42.

36. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. It’s very hard to put it down.

37. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

38. I cropped my kids out of my online dating profile photos. They can find their own dates.

39. I bought a dog from a blacksmith the other day… soon after I got him home, he made a bolt for the door.

40. Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar? He got 12 months.

41. My wife said I was immature and needed to grow up. I was really surprised when she got back from work and started throwing soil on me.

42. I couldn’t figure out why the ball kept getting larger. And then it hit me.

43. I hate jokes about German sausages. They’re the wurst.

44. Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? The food is great, but there’s just no atmosphere.

45. You know what makes me smile? Facial muscles.

## Math Teacher Puns

46. The new geometry teacher really shaped up the math department.

47. The calculus teacher was completely stumped on how to find the derivative of his relationship with the other faculty.

48. The algebra teacher solved her own identity crisis by focusing on her quadratic formula.

49. The math department had to make budget cuts, so they subtracted some teachers.

50. The mathletes were angles to take home the trophy this year.

51. The geometry teacher finally quit teaching shapes and got a square job.

52. The algebra teacher was feeling replaced after the school hired a new graphing calculator.

53. The math teacher planned his lessons very sequentially each day.

54. The math teacher ran some figures and realized she was exponentially underpaid.

55. The new calculus teacher inspired students to reach the limit of their potential.

## Math Teacher One-Liners

56. I’m not a math person. I’m more of a meth person.

57. I majored in mathematics just to prove how worthless it would be.

58. I was never good at math. The only numbers I understood were upvotes.

59. Math class prepared me for the real world…where I avoid anything to do with numbers at all costs.

60. The only letters I understood in math class were x and y.

61. Math teachers have lots of problems.

62. Math is what happens when you ask the wrong question.

63. I used to hate math class because it was too graphic.

64. Math class was easy. I just cheated off the kid who sat exponent me.

65. Why was math class so difficult? All the problems were unsolvable.

## Best Math Teacher Jokes

66. A math teacher was teaching his class how to round numbers. He said, “If I asked you to round 87 to the nearest ten, what would your answer be?” Little Johnny raised his hand and responded “80?” The teacher shook his head and said, “No, the answer would be 90 because 87 rounds to 90.” Johnny looked confused and said, “But you told me yesterday that 47 rounds to 50…”

67. One day Little Johnny’s teacher asked the class to name things that ended with the letters “tor” that also ate things. The first student raised her hand and said, “Alligator.” The teacher said, “Very good.” Then Little Johnny raised his hand and said, “Predator.” The teacher said, “Excellent. One more.” Little Johnny then said, “Vibrator.” The teacher fainted.

68. Little Johnny was sitting in math class one day when his teacher asked, “If you had one dollar in one hand and two dollars in the other hand, what would you have?” Little Johnny promptly replied, “Someone else’s dollars!”

69. Little Sally came home from school crying one day. When her mother asked why, Sally said that her math teacher had asked her what two plus two was and she had answered “four,” but the teacher said the answer was “twenty-two.” Sally’s mother nodded sagely and told her daughter, “Next time, you should get the answer right first, and then argue with the teacher later.”

70. Little Johnny’s teacher asked the class to name examples of things that were heat resistant and water proof. Little Suzie raised her hand and said “Firefighter suits!” The teacher said “Correct.” Little Johnny raised his hand and said “Condoms!” He spent the rest of the day in the principal’s office.

71. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal? Because he would have to convert.

72. Why do plants hate algebra? It gives them square roots.

73. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

74. Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

75. A Roman man walked into a bar, held up two fingers, and said, “Five beers, please.”