Key Puns
1. I was about to tell a joke about keys, but figured you wouldn’t find it very a-peel-ing.
2. Did you hear about the key that told bad jokes? People found him un-lock-y.
3. I bought special gloves to organize my key collection. You could say I have key hands now.
4. The key was very full of himself. You could say he had a big ego.
5. The key got injured during the race. But luckily it was just a minor key cramp.
6. The musician was struggling to get the right key. You could say he was a little off-key.
7. I was going to tell a piano joke, but I should keep it on the down-low key.
8. Did you hear about the key that was a germaphobe? He was always using hand sanitizer key.
9. The key was very proud of unlocking the door on his first try. You could say it was his key achievement.
10. Did you hear about the psychic key? He had the power to fortune-key-tell.
11. The key was dancing in a very unstable manner. You could say he had some jer-key movements.
12. I tried to tell my friend a joke about keys but he said it was likelihood I wouldn’t unlock any laughs.
Key One-Liners
13. I bought my friend a welcomed mat but they didn’t find it very entry-key-ing.
14. I was going to tell a joke about my piano but I should keep it on the down-low key.
15. I took my keys on a hike to get them some exercise but it turned out to be an uphill trek-key.
16. My keyboardist friend says he likes playing songs in a minor key because it makes him feel flat.
17. I made a Facebook profile for my house key but it only has one friend request and it’s a bit unlock-key.
18. I entered my house key into a singing competition but unfortunately he got locked out after the first round.
19. I caught my keys stealing supplies from my toolbox and had to give them a stern talk-key too.
20. Did you hear about the key who was a contestant on a game show? He ended up winning a fortune lock-y prize!
21. I told my keys to stop making so much noise but they just kept on with their constant jing-key-ling.
22. Did you hear about the key who was feeling undervalued at his job? His boss refused to give him a promotion lock.
Best Key Jokes
23. I was hanging out with my friend Key the other day. Key has always been known to have anger issues ever since we were kids. One day, he just snapped at me over the smallest thing. I looked at him and said, “Key, you really need to switch your mood.”
24. My friend who works as a locksmith told me he accidentally brought his 7-year-old daughter to work one day. He gave her a few keys and told her to play with them while he attended to a client. When he returned to check on her, all of his key duplication machines had been dismantled. I guess you could say his daughter decoding his machines was an unfore-key-seeable situation.
25. A thief was trying to break into my neighbor’s house when the motion sensor light suddenly turned on. Startled, he dropped his key ring and ran off. The next morning, my neighbor knocked on my door holding a set of keys. “Are these yours?” he asked. “No, but whoever owns them is probably looking for a bright idea,” I chuckled.
26. Did you hear about the psychic key who won the lottery? He used his psychic abilities to fortune-key-tell the winning numbers. When asked what he was going to do with the money, he said, “I key-learly have many plans to unlock my dreams!” His lucky win just goes to show the true power of fortune lock-ee.
27. Why was the cryptic message left by the kidnapped key so difficult to decode? Because the locksmith had used an en-key-ryption method to key-leap the message in mystery. Luckily, the detective managed to un-lock the secret message using clues hidden in key locations. He discovered the key-napped key was being held hostage until a large ransom was paid by the key’s rich lock owner.
28. Why can’t keys tell really funny jokes? Because most of their punch-lock-lines just don’t seem to unlock much laughter. I heard about one key comedian who focused his whole act around comedy locks and keys but his shows were always a bit of a tough sell-key. Luckily I key-p my sense of humor on the down-low-key.
29. Have you heard about Keysha the singing key? She tried out for her state’s biggest reality television talent competition. In the first round she performed a beautiful soulful ballad that earned her a key callback. In round two, Keysha mesmerized the judges with her pitch-lock-fect singing voice and made it all the way to the finale! Her final performance was so moving that the judges voted her the unlock-een of all keys. Things are really looking up-key for Keysha!
30. I recently decided to treat my house keys to an exclusive all-inclusive getaway at a 5-star lock and key resort. I figured they work hard unlocking doors all day and keeping my house secure, so they could use some rest and relaxation. When I went to pick them up, I couldn’t believe the transformation – they were positively glow-key! Turns out they had the time of their lock-ey little key lives at the resort’s exclusive spa, restaurants, and activities made just for keys. Who knew keys could have so much fun on lock-ation!
31. Did you hear about the key who decided to run for mayor of Key West, Florida? His campaign slogan was “Let me be your lock-ey charm!” During his campaign speeches, he would dance around to songs like “Key to My Heart” and “Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I’m Keys.” Unfortunately, while most voters found him very a-peel-ing, he ended up losing by a narrow margin. After his defeat, he decided to take an extended vacation to Key Largo to unwind. His friends said taking that tri-key to relax and reset was just what he unlocked to bounce back stronger for the next election.
32. Why don’t keys make for very good Uber drivers? Because they keep missing all the right turn-lock-eys! I heard about one key who managed to get hired by Uber but his rating kept getting lower and lower. Every passenger complained he took weird, winding detours instead of the most direct routes. He just couldn’t seem to unlock the trick to efficient navigation. Eventually Uber had to permanently lock him out from driving for them when his rating dipped below 2 stars.
33. Billy Keyson absolutely loved watching detective shows on TV growing up. He was fascinated by all the lock-ey clues detectives spotted to crack codes and solve mysteries. As an adult, Billy decided to take an online lock-eed course to become a licensed private investigator. Surprisingly, one of his first big cases turned out to be extremely high-stake. He was hired to investigate a corrupt key auctioneer who was illegally dup-lock-eating rare keys to sell on the black market. Thanks to his lock-een observation skills, Billy managed to unlock all the evidence needed to take down the fraudulent auctioneer and save the day!
34. Did you hear about the Italian key who moved to America determined to live out his dream of owning a successful pizza restaurant? He came up with a name that fused his passion – Pizza Lock-ey’s! For months he slaved away trying to perfect his secret family pizza sauce recipe to appeal to American tastebuds. When Pizza Lock-ey’s finally opened, there was a huge line out the door from day one. All the customers kept raving his pizzas were absolutely scrum-lock-ey-diddly-umptious. Franchise requests started pouring in and before long Pizza Lock-ey’s turned into a national sensation. Just goes to show that with enough key-termination, you can unlock any dream.
35. Why don’t spiders make good locksmiths? Because they have trouble getting their web-key sites off the ground! I heard of one ambitious spider who managed to scrape together six hairy legs and invest in building his own fully-equipped key shop complete with state-of-the-art key cutting and engraving machines. He even bought a custom van wrapped with his company name Spidey Locks and Keys to provide mobile service. Unfortunately, despite filling his van with every lock tool imaginable, he just couldn’t seem to attract any human customers. After months of losing money, he decided the locksmith business was too risky a venture and sold everything to go back to spinning simple webs.
36. Have you heard of Murlock Homes, the famous detective key? He was known for wearing a lock cap and carrying a giant magnifying glass to exam-lock evidence while smoking a pipe. Whenever Inspector LeKey of Scotland Lock would get stuck trying to solve a tough case, he’d call on Murlock’s exceptional lock-ductive reasoning skills to help unlock the solution. No mystery could remain safely hidden locked up for long once Murlock Homes was on the case! His unprecedented 100% track record for cracking seemingly impossible cases made him a lock-endary icon.
37. Did you hear about what happened when the metal key tried stand-up comedy? At first his rigid steal crowd wasn’t amused by his corny punch lock lines. But the key managed to use his magnetic lock-ism to warm them up eventually. Then he started quipping one hilarious observational joke after another and soon had the audience doubled over laugh-locking their keys off! By the end, he unlocked a standing ovation with calls for an on-lock-ore. Looks like this funny key finally found the right audience to unlock his natural humor!
38. Have you heard of the notorious gangster boss KeyFace Caplock who ruled the streets of Key City? Nobody dared crossed Caplock because he was known for his violent lock-bursts and always made sure to lock down anyone who got in his way. For years the KCPD tried everything to try to arrest him but Caplock always managed to allock-slip away untouched thanks to his intricate network of lookouts and hideouts. Finally, a brave under-lock-ver officer managed to infiltrate Caplock’s inner key-ircle and unlock enough incriminating evidence on tape to put Caplock behind bars for a long lockdown sentence!
39. Why are keys actually terrible at keeping secrets? Because they literally have lock-ease written all over their faces! I tried confiding an embarrassing story once to my key friend Katy but soon discovered she had already blabbed it to practically everyone in our lock-al key community. When I confronted Katy, she swore the gossip must have gotten out from someone lock-picking her because there’s no way she would ever betray a confidence. But I know better than to keep sharing secrets with such a lock-jaw since most keys just can’t resist unlocking juicy info.
40. Have you heard of the arrogant billionaire CEO Key Muskrat who founded a highly successful electric key company? At first people mocked his crazy idea but Muskrat silenced the non-be-lock-evers when his innovative crypt-lock technology revolutionized key security. Soon Muskrat unlocked unprecedented success as his encrypted smart keys became must-have lock accessories. Forbes ranked him as the wealthiest self-lock person five years straight. But his ego grew out of check until his board finally had enough and voted to lock him out as CEO. After losing his company, Muskrat escaped reality by jet-locking around the world on permanent vacation.
41. Why do keys make the most motivating personal trainers? Because they know all the lock-ercises to strengthen your core! My friend Kelly Keyson struggled for years trying to shed her unwanted pounds by dieting alone. Then she decided to unlock a healthier lifestyle for good by hiring key trainer Kiara to be her fit-lock guide. Kiara developed a customized workout regimen that pushed Kelly beyond her comfort lock but yielded major results fast. Within eight months Kelly had unlocked her dream bikini bod through sweat and determination thanks to Kiara’s lock-pert training.
42. Have you heard of the luckiest key around named Fortulockey? He seems to win every contest he enters through sheer dumb lock. Just this month Fortulockey won an allexclusive Caribbean cruise, a year’s supply of gourmet keychain chocolate, and $10,000 in cash from random giveaways without even trying! His friends joke his horseshoe must be permanently glued to his lock. But I happen to know Fortulockey pays to get inside lucky tips from a fortune-key-telling gypsy woman he visits once a week without fail. She whispers lucky lottery num-locks and gives lucky keychain charms in exchange for fat lock-vellopes full of cash. As long as Fortulockey keeps paying up, his fortune lock streak should conti-lock-nue for a long time.
43. A cocky thief once broke into a house using a stolen key copied from an original he pickpocketed. But little did Mr. Bad Lock realize the owner had recently upgraded to a fancy new biometric fingerprint deadlock. Mr. Bad Lock struggled helplessly for over an hour trying to turn the unresponsive key before finally giving up locked out. The next morning, police arrived and quickly finger-locked the frustrated thief still awkwardly clutching the now worthless key. As they cuffed the culprit, one officer quipped: “Too bad your stolen key didn’t quite unlock freedom for you in the end!”
44. Why did the pianist’s key get depressed? Because he felt totally under a-pre-lock-ated at his boring office job. All day long he had to enter data on a computer lock-board which felt soulessly mechanical. At night, he would pour out his inner lock-moods playing complex minor key sonatas on his piano at home, wishing he could unlock his dream to perform live on stage. One day, his neighbor uploaded a video she secretly recorded of the key playing a virtuoso original piece that went viral online. Talent scouts soon called with offers to sign record deals and the rest was unlock-ey history!
45. An amateur key collector spotted an old battered key at a flea market listed for $5. Though unimpressive on the outside, his trained lock senses detected something special locked within. After negotiating the clueless seller down to $2, he rushed home to exam-lock closely with his magnifying glass. There etched so faintly it was nearly invisible, he spotted a hidden engraving – the official royal seal of the long lost kingdom of Key-Topia! His hands shook realizing this key unlocked the location of the fabled lost treasure vault of Key-Topia likely worth millions. Sometimes the unlock-iest discoveries come from overlooked places we least ex-lock-et!