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41 Funny Hammer Jokes

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41 Funny Hammer Jokes

Hammer Puns

  1. I used to work in construction, but I got fired for nailing it constantly. My boss said I needed to hammer out the issues.
  2. My friend got frustrated trying to put together his new furniture and started hitting it with a hammer. I guess you could say he assembled it improperly.
  3. Did you hear about the carpenter who got injured on the job? He hammered his thumb and it was very painful for him. Nailing wood can be dangerous if you don’t hit the nail on the head.
  4. Why can’t you tell a joke to a hammer? It would nail you!
  5. The hammer was feeling under the weather. I guess you could say it wasn’t on the nail today.
  6. Our construction crew tried using a squeaky hammer to avoid waking up the neighbors. But it was all for nail.
  7. I entered my hammer into a comedy competition but it didn’t make the finals. I guess its material just wasn’t hitting the nail on the head.
  8. Did you hear about the psychic hammer that could predict the future? It was always nail on with its predictions!
  9. The hammer started telling bad jokes at the comedy club. He ended up getting booed off stage for not being funny enough. I guess his material just wasn’t nail on.
  10. My hammer started dating a nail file. I guess you could say they make the perfect match.

Hammer One-Liners

  1. I’m so bad at hammer throwing I’d probably nail myself.
  2. I entered a hammer throwing contest but was disqualified for using nails.
  3. I was going to make a joke about hammers but I didn’t want to nail it.
  4. Hammers that tell bad jokes should expect some boos and nail some criticism.
  5. I bought a talking hammer but had to return it because it kept nailing bad jokes.
  6. My hammer started dating a screwdriver. I guess opposites really do attract.
  7. I took my hammer to get its portrait painted but the artist kept missing the nail on the head.
  8. If Thor ever loses his hammer he could always wield a nail gun instead.
  9. I was going to tell you a construction joke, but I’m still trying to nail it.
  10. If I had a dollar for every tool pun I’ve heard, I’d have a small fortune to hammer away at.

Best Hammer Jokes

  1. A man walked into a hardware store and asked for a hammer with a short handle and a very long head. The shopkeeper looked confused and said, “I’m sorry, but I’ve never seen a hammer like that before.”

    The man sighed and said, “I guess I’ll just have to keep searching for the perfect hammer to nail my boat to the dock during storms.”

  2. What kind of nails do carpenters hate hitting? Fingernails! I was working on a roofing job the other day when I accidentally hammered my thumb instead of the nail. It was very painful but at least I didn’t hit any fingernails!
  3. Why don’t vampires ever use hammers? Because they prefer to nail things without any tools! I tried to build a coffin once but couldn’t hammer any nails into the wood. I guess vampires have me beat when it comes to DIY projects.
  4. Did you hear about the psychic hammer that could see the future? It claimed it would never again miss hitting a nail right on the head! I was skeptical at first but after using that hammer for a week, I can confirm it really is nail on with its predictions.
  5. Why don’t eggs tell jokes to hammers? They don’t want to get nailed! Personally, I love telling jokes to my hammer even if it won’t laugh. Although once I did hear it chuckle when I accidentally hit my thumb!
  6. What’s a construction worker’s favorite type of joke? Ones they can sink their teeth into! I may not always nail my jokes but I enjoy trying to hammer out new material. My crew seems to get a real kick out of my sense of humor even if I occasionally hit my punchlines too hard.
  7. Did you hear about the new hammer that came with Bluetooth connectivity? It lets you stream music while you work! I’ve been testing it out this week while building a set of shelves. I’m happy to report the audio quality is surprisingly nail on.
  8. Why don’t sharks use hammers when they build underwater homes? Because they can nail anything with just their teeth alone! Personally, I prefer to use tools for my DIY projects. But to each their own – sharks certainly seem happy just biting their way through construction jobs.
  9. Did you hear about the hammer that was knighted by the Queen of England? It was given the title “Sir Nails-a-Lot” in honor of its construction work over the years! If hammers could speak, I bet this one would have some great stories to tell about working on castles and bridges.
  10. Why can’t you borrow money from a hammer? Because they are always broke! I asked my hammer for $20 the other day and it just laughed. I guess hammers aren’t interested in making any money moves – they seem content nailing things all day.